How to reverse emails that have taken a sexual turn too quickly.


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
amamam is offline amamam Post #1  September 4,2009, 11:04am
amamam's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 15

See profile

When emails turn sexual in nature (i.e., sexual jokes), do guys lose respect for the woman, and think that she is going to be easy when he meets her. I am afraid of this because even though I like sexual banter, I am not promiscuous, and need to wait at a substantial amount of time before I will sleep with a man. How do I turn this around?
 
  Reply With Quote
kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #2  September 4,2009, 11:14am
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2008

Louisiana

Posts: 447

See profile

amamam wrote :
When emails turn sexual in nature (i.e., sexual jokes), do guys lose respect for the woman, and think that she is going to be easy when he meets her. I am afraid of this because even though I like sexual banter, I am not promiscuous, and need to wait at a substantial amount of time before I will sleep with a man. How do I turn this around?
My first thoughts would be that you'll do it as freely as you'll talk about it. Then I have to remember, I talk about it a lot more freely than I do it, so does that make me a hypocrite...? Maybe I should reconsider my own position.

What do you mean by "how do I turn this around?" What do you want to "turn around?" Do you mean you've started talking that way with a man and now want to let him know you're actually more reserved than you sound in emails? I just say it straight out: "Hey, I joke a lot, but I'm actually a lot more reserved than I sound."

Maybe you should work on toning down the jokes (maybe I should, too.) Because whether it changes the way he thinks of you or not (and it probably does,) either way it will get him thinking about sex with you which will build up a lot of pressure. Guys don't need the help, we can think of sex quite enough on our own...
 
  Reply With Quote
amamam is offline amamam Post #3  September 4,2009, 11:27am
amamam's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 15

See profile

Kevin76: Thanks.
 
  Reply With Quote
kryswriter is offline kryswriter Post #4  September 4,2009, 11:41am
kryswriter's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 23

See profile

A little sexual flirting is a good way to show interest, but it is true that it can make someone think that something is going to happen quickly. Too much of the flirting being sexual too soon can be setting up just a sexual relationship. You want to show that you are interested, sexy and fun, but you don't want to show that you are easy and do this with every guy or that you are only interested in sex. And you want to make sure he isn't just feeling it out to see if he can get into bed with you quickly. I personally find it a turn off if the guy is too overtly sexually flirty with me right away. I want him to be interested and attracted, but interested in more than sex. There is fun,"i'm going to get to know you and be playful," flirting and there is "let's do it, can we? " flirting. I had a guy asking me to send him "sexy" pictures early on before we even met in person. I told him in a playful, flirty way that sexy pictures have to be earned. I didn't flat out reject the idea, but i didn't give in and give up the goods, either. In a flirty way, you can set your boundaries. He loved the challenge, and it let me set up a sort of control over how far he can get with me. He was controlling the pace of the relationship as far as making the dates and such, but I was controlling the pace concerning how far he can actually get with me. The sexual flirting then became more fun because he knew he still had to court me.
 
  Reply With Quote
saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #5  September 4,2009, 11:44am
saulgoode's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,308

See profile

I have a strict rule, that I won't sexually banter with someone I haven't met. When I was doing the online dating thing, I put it EXPLICITLY in my profile: "I am not interested in what sort of panties you're wearing."

After we meet, sure, it's fun, whether you closed the deal or not.

But before you meet, if you start getting sexual, then you're setting yourself up for an awkward, embarrassing, disappointing first-and-last date.

As for reversing it after it's gone sexual, that's like asking how to un-drink your alcohol so you can drive home. It's too late.

The answer is this: Don't start.


- Saul
 
  Reply With Quote
gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #6  September 4,2009, 11:53am
gothustartus's Avatar

is thinking about someone special

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

London, England

Posts: 1,753

See profile

For me banter is just banter, it doesn't affect how much i respect someone, though if the jokes are good it will affect how much i like them.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #7  September 4,2009, 11:56am
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

amamam wrote :
even though I like sexual banter, I am not promiscuous
Well then that's a mixed message you're sending, and you should expect confusion and frustration to result from it.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #8  September 4,2009, 11:59am
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

saulgoode wrote :
I have a strict rule, that I won't sexually banter with someone I haven't met.

But before you meet, if you start getting sexual, then you're setting yourself up for an awkward, embarrassing, disappointing first-and-last date.

The answer is this: Don't start.
Couldn't agree more. Don't put something in writing that you wouldn't say face-to-face.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  September 4,2009, 12:04pm
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

kryswriter wrote :
And you want to make sure he isn't just feeling it out to see if he can get into bed with you quickly.
this has always been my feeling when guys start up with this kind of stuff and it is an instant put off to me. i completely ignore it and if he keeps on doing it i'm done.
 
  Reply With Quote
Jato87 is offline Jato87 Post #10  September 4,2009, 12:11pm
Jato87's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2008

Posts: 543

See profile

kevin76 wrote :

Maybe you should work on toning down the jokes (maybe I should, too.) Because whether it changes the way he thinks of you or not (and it probably does,) either way it will get him thinking about sex with you which will build up a lot of pressure. Guys don't need the help, we can think of sex quite enough on our own...
===================================

I think kevin's answer is good, and as one who loves jokes of all kinds,I'd add this: Off-color jokes work well only when they are appropriate jokes told in appropriate company. Even among a bunch of guys. This means you need to know your company quite well to be sure they'll: (1) appreciate your jokes & banter, and (2)won't take them badly.

I think sexual jokes & banter fall close to the same category as religion and politics. Very sensitive areas where one can easily be surprised and embarassed by the negative reaction of others to something you might think is fine.

(Some people can't take a joke.)
Last edited by Jato87; September 4,2009 at 12:18pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Who keeps moving my threads | Dating | Just looking for opinions »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I do still eat and drink the things I shouldn't sometimes. I'd stop if I needed an Epi-Pen but none of my allergies are severe enough for that yet. I feel for you, Legend.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“No, this is the ONE, with the Domestic Man among men that I hunger for... New Twist Like the great philosopher Dr. Phil says, "When momma's happy, everyone's happy".” –  tweet37

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I think you are projecting that if you are the one paying for the first few dates that the woman is a "pay to play" woman and if you were to marry her she would be so irresponsible that you'd be ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“That's disappointing. You've gotten a lot of tips about changing your settings and I hope it pays off when you do.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“ Happy Faraday, Birth... um I mean... Happy Birthday, Fara. I blame harnomygirl... typing her name messes with your mind.” –  dmi

Join the “The End Maybe Coming” discussion

“I thought she took the safer route and met him here first. Now that she knows he's fun, they'll throw caution to the wind, but gently.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “a match wants to meet me in a foreign country” discussion

“ I wouldn't be so sure he was ready (the way you mean it) with this new girl. He was calling you testing the waters while seeing her, right? This may just be how he is in relationships- this may ... ” –  FairOne

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:44am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0