Friends of the opposite sex


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #1  September 4,2009, 11:40am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I recently got the Guided Communication question that asks "Are you ok with your mate having friends of the opposite sex?" (or something to that effect). It got me wondering....if two people are in an exclusive relationship and they agree it's ok to see friends of the opposite sex, is it also ok to make new friends of the opposite sex?

Say I've recently gotten into an exclusive relationship....would there be anything wrong with me having dinner with a new woman friend I just met at a bar? I mean...given that nothing physical would happen between us. Is seeing some people as friends of the opposite sex acceptable....but not others?
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #2  September 4,2009, 11:48am
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jayjay wrote :
Say I've recently gotten into an exclusive relationship....would there be anything wrong with me having dinner with a new woman friend I just met at a bar?
I would say I am accepting of all new and old friends. But if you just met a woman at a bar, she is not your friend, so no. If you met a new woman friend at a bar, that is ok.

I have asked the question before to jealous guys (they say so on their profile), because I do work with a lot of men and I do end up befriending some of them. It seems to be more sensitive on their part, meaning I know to introduce myself appropriately when I call them home or on their cell phone at the beginning, but then after their wives, grilfriends get to know me, there is no issue.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  September 4,2009, 11:50am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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LavenderFields wrote :
But if you just met a woman at a bar, she is not your friend, so no. If you met a new woman friend at a bar, that is ok.
I don't get the difference between these two sentences. Do you mean...meeting someone at a bar means they can't be a new friend....but if you met someone elsewhere you could then go with them to a bar?
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #4  September 4,2009, 11:53am
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Good question. I would have no problem with my guy making friends of the opposite sex, as long as he didn't mind introducing me to his new friends.

I was conflicted with this at first, esp with trust and you may trust your SO, but the new friend may not be so trustworthy. Then I thought about how I work in a male dominated field (I'm a geologist), and I meet, and become friends with new guys all the time. It doesn't mean I'm going to cheat, and if the fella's intentions are not pure (which happens from time to time) I know how to deal with it.

I figure it wouldn't be fair to have a double standard. If I am to be trusted, I must also trust. But I don't have to have any trust in the new friend.
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #5  September 4,2009, 12:05pm
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jayjay wrote :
I don't get the difference between these two sentences. Do you mean...meeting someone at a bar means they can't be a new friend....but if you met someone elsewhere you could then go with them to a bar?
Correct! Absolutely!
So, you make friends usually because of something common, same line of work, follow same sport team, practice same sport; so if you make friends then you can go to the bar with them no issues. But if you are in a bar if either a guy approaches a woman o vice versa, is not to develop a friendship.. I am naive, but that is extreme!

I have met married/taken guys kayaking and we go for drinks/dinner afterwards, no issues. Then again I've been cheated on for being trustworthy, usually (unfortunately) the guys are less of a problem than the women that follow them.
 
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sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #6  September 4,2009, 12:17pm
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jayjay wrote :
I don't get the difference between these two sentences. Do you mean...meeting someone at a bar means they can't be a new friend....but if you met someone elsewhere you could then go with them to a bar?
I see a huge difference!

Going to a bar (or anywhere else) with a friend... a person with whom you've already had an established bond/friendship... is simply going out with a friend.

Having dinner with a "new woman friend" you just met at a bar (or anywhere else) is not having dinner with a friend. It is having dinner with some woman, you don't know, that you just met.

If this is something that you would choose to do, I'd have a difficult time understanding why. Why would you feel the need to try to develop a new friendship with some random woman you just met? and/or why would you be compelled to go dine with her?
 
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CJF is offline CJF Post #7  September 4,2009, 12:30pm
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jayjay wrote :
I don't get the difference between these two sentences. Do you mean...meeting someone at a bar means they can't be a new friend....but if you met someone elsewhere you could then go with them to a bar?
In a sense a woman at a bar or party "picked you up" or you "picked her up". Do you approach these women and say "hey, I already have a girlfriend, do you want to be friends with me and have dinner?"........do you honestly think she's going to say "sure"?

I wouldn't ask some strange guy to have dinner with me for the intention of being friends. I doubt I'd understand if my potential boyfriend did either.

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Last edited by CJF; September 4,2009 at 5:47pm.
 
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sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #8  September 4,2009, 12:37pm
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CJF wrote :
I wouldn't ask some strange guy to have dinner with me for the intention of being friends. I doubt I'd understand if my potential boyfriend did either.
Potential boyfriend??? I thought we were talking about an established, exclusive relationship.
 
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CJF is offline CJF Post #9  September 4,2009, 12:38pm
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sheera007 wrote :
Potential boyfriend??? I thought we were talking about an established, exclusive relationship.
Well, I don't have a boyfriend right now so I wrote that in my own opinion...lol.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #10  September 4,2009, 12:48pm
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I guess it depends on how secure a partner is in themselves as to how well they will take their SO making friends with the opposite sex.
I had a girlfriend who demanded i poof on all my female facebook friends because she got jealous whenever i talked to them. A friend was going out with a Swedish guy who threw a major hissy fit every time she talked to me and would have to spend the rest of the day stroking his ego.
 
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