Friends of the opposite sex


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #11  September 4,2009, 12:21pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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What it may come down to is that people want to do what they want (seeing friends)...but want to create elaborate 'rules' for who their bf/gf can see or do. Personally, I'm with kiskakitty. I think you just have to trust the other person and leave it at that.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #12  September 4,2009, 4:40pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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I'm okay with this if:

1. There's no double standard employed.

2. There's no secrecy about it. Tell me what you're doing, I'll tell you what I'm doing.

3. Like KiskaKitty said, I'd really like to meet his friends, and I'd like him to meet mine, too (I hope I'm paraphrasing you correctly here--my apologies if I am not).

I think all of the things I listed are pretty much common sense/respect type things. If I don't have a reason to not trust a guy I'm with, then what's the problem? I wouldn't expect him to sever his friendships with anyone just because he's dating me. I would hope the same would be true in reverse, as well.

Where I would see a problem here is if my SO suddenly started having many frequent dinners out with his female friends, and I would think he'd have a problem if the reverse was true, too.

The same would apply with new friends of the opposite sex, as well. I mean, seriously, what are we supposed to do? Ignore an entire gender? However, I'd hope that we'd both have enough common sense to not put ourselves in a situation where we'd be tempted to take it further than friendship. If I thought I'd be tempted or if I was attracted to a new friend, then I just wouldn't put myself in that situation--it's not worth it--and I hope he'd do the same.
Last edited by brneyedangel; September 4,2009 at 4:46pm. Reason: oops...I forgot the rest!
 
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sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #13  September 4,2009, 4:45pm
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jayjay wrote :
What it may come down to is that people want to do what they want (seeing friends)...but want to create elaborate 'rules' for who their bf/gf can see or do.
huh? Perhaps some people are that unreasonable. I would never create "rules" for my boyfriend. Nor would I have a boyfriend who thought it was his place to create "rules" for me.

However, if he felt the need to go out seeking new female "friends"... and wine & dine a stranger, he'd just met in a bar, and deem her a "friend"... I'd think there might be a problem with the relationship. I'm sure he would suspect a problem, as well, if I were out seeking new male "friends".



jayjay wrote :
Personally, I'm with kiskakitty. I think you just have to trust the other person and leave it at that.
Yes, of course you must have trust. If there's no trust, then what's the point?

I'm friends with my male next door neighbor.

I'm friends with the boyfriends/husbands of my girlfriends.

I work with lots of men. I've been working with many of the same men for 10 years. If I weren't friends with most of them, by now, I'd say I'm not very personable. But some men, who I meet through work, I work with very briefly and only once. Are they "friends"? No, they are barely acquaintences.

Going out to dinner with James, who I just met, and deeming him a new "friend" is certainly my choice. But why would I choose to spend time with my new "friend", who really isn't a friend... when I don't even have enough time to see my real friends and family as often as I'd like?

It would be one thing to have dinner with real friends from work, and we invited our new "friend" James along. But just me and James? Why?

I guess it all depends on your definition of "friend". And what you and your S.O. are comfortable with.
Last edited by sheera007; September 4,2009 at 4:50pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #14  September 4,2009, 5:03pm
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jayjay wrote :
I don't get the difference between these two sentences. Do you mean...meeting someone at a bar means they can't be a new friend....but if you met someone elsewhere you could then go with them to a bar?
sheera007 wrote :
I see a huge difference!

Going to a bar (or anywhere else) with a friend... a person with whom you've already had an established bond/friendship... is simply going out with a friend.

Having dinner with a "new woman friend" you just met at a bar (or anywhere else) is not having dinner with a friend. It is having dinner with some woman, you don't know, that you just met.

If this is something that you would choose to do, I'd have a difficult time understanding why. Why would you feel the need to try to develop a new friendship with some random woman you just met? and/or why would you be compelled to go dine with her?
I do too!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #15  September 4,2009, 5:16pm
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I have many female friends. Most are married and most I have known for most of my life. I may make new female friends at work or church or some similar activity.

But if I am in a relationship with someone I will not be going out to dinner alone with any of these friends and I won't be going to bars and making new female friends.
 
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