Dating: Journey, or Destination?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  September 4,2009, 9:55am
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I may have posted this question before but if I did it was a while ago and we have so many new folks, I'd like their perspective as well.

Just noticed a thread where someone was SUPER excited about someone new and thought maybe there was "love at first sight". However, it seems the thread was older and that since then the poster wrote in to the boards about breaking up.

So....was that relationship a "failure" because they didn't end up together? Or, was the joy they both experienced while they were together, the "feeling" of falling in love, worth it?

Is dating a journey, or a destination?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 4,2009, 9:58am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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For me it's more of a journey. For the women I date dating seems to be more of a destination. They are always concerned with 'Where is this going'.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  September 4,2009, 10:14am
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My one wish for you, is love. :)

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jayjay wrote :
For me it's more of a journey. For the women I date dating seems to be more of a destination. They are always concerned with 'Where is this going'.
Thanks jayjay for your response! To what extent do you think that a focus on the destination damages the chance for a great journey together? When people are like that with you, does it drive you away?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  September 4,2009, 10:19am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Thanks jayjay for your response! To what extent do you think that a focus on the destination damages the chance for a great journey together? When people are like that with you, does it drive you away?
It has a tendency to drive me away. When they say they want to 'know where this is going' it seems like at some point they'll want to move straight from the very beginning of a relationship to something very serious in one step, with nothing in between. I mean, after some initial dating I could handle being exclusive with a woman...but I wouldn't want to feel like that practically means we're engaged. Like the woman who recently told me she 'isn't looking for a boyfriend....she's looking for a husband'. That really feels like a lot of pressure.
 
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last1left is offline last1left Post #5  September 4,2009, 10:36am
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Isn't everything we do a journey in some way or another?
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #6  September 4,2009, 10:52am
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Lately, I find that I am weary of the journey, and look forward to the destination.

ARE WE THERE YET?
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #7  September 4,2009, 11:06am
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
I may have posted this question before but if I did it was a while ago and we have so many new folks, I'd like their perspective as well.

Just noticed a thread where someone was SUPER excited about someone new and thought maybe there was "love at first sight". However, it seems the thread was older and that since then the poster wrote in to the boards about breaking up.

So....was that relationship a "failure" because they didn't end up together? Or, was the joy they both experienced while they were together, the "feeling" of falling in love, worth it?

Is dating a journey, or a destination?
It's both. It's a journey with a purpose.

If you spend the whole journey only focused on the destination, you'll miss a lot of good things along the way (and maybe never reach the destination, because you missed some signs.)

But if you never think about the destination, never plan to reach it, then what's the point of the journey? It'll get tiring and lonely after a while.

So, enjoy the journey, but keep the destination in mind. Learn as you go, but don't forget where you're going.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #8  September 4,2009, 11:08am
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Ms666 wrote :
Lately, I find that I am weary of the journey, and look forward to the destination.

ARE WE THERE YET?
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
...
MOM, SHE'S LOOKING AT ME!
Last edited by kevin76; September 4,2009 at 12:24pm.
 
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CJF is offline CJF Post #9  September 4,2009, 11:22am
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I always believed that everything in life is about the journey...not the destination.

If you start out dating someone and keep thinking or asking them "where is this going?" then you forget to focus on the "now" and in a sense you stop learning to just enjoy the time you spend with that person. If you are thinking about where it's going you will drive yourself nuts, get over-anxious and likely kill the relationship before it even has a chance to develop.

I also try very hard not to fantasize about where a relationship might go. When you do this, the chances you might get hurt are even more likely because you have already built this whole relationship scenario in your head.

Take one date at a time. Enjoy the moments and be happily surprised if it turns into something wonderful and lasting.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #10  September 4,2009, 12:41pm

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Ms666 wrote :
Lately, I find that I am weary of the journey, and look forward to the destination.

ARE WE THERE YET?
kevin76 wrote :
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
...
MOM, SHE'S LOOKING AT ME!
Don't make me pull this car over!

***

And I am going with destination. I am done already with the journeying.
 
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