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tumbleweed tumbleweed is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Maybe that 'let go' is what I'm thinking of. Just moving on with your life. No need for a big production to 'forgive' someone. Just leave it in the past.
your wrong
- September 4th, 2009, 07:13 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
See, I want to challenge this.

I think forgiveness is an emotion, something one feels, which is quite different than the rational decision to continue to be with another person.

These are two unrelated ideas.

Accepting the risks and rewards a specific partner offers is a choice. Our feelings, in my view, are outside of choice.
forgiveness is a gift ,,not an emotion
- September 4th, 2009, 07:17 pm
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OverAnalyzer wrote :
I

What about self-forgiveness? Easier or harder? Are you harder on others when you forgive yourself less? Are you harder on yourself because you forgive others more?
self-forgiveness is much harder for me, and i dont like it because i know that it translates over to other people. i dont want to ever hurt someone else in any way by being unforgiving or critical just because i am so hard on myself.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:25 pm
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I think that life is too short not to forgive and then move on. I have been hurt a lot too. 3 divorces all of the women were unfaithful for one reason or the other ranging from drug use to a father that had molested them. My first wife apologized to me and we are talking friends now. Am I totally innocent . No I worked too much in the first marriage
the second two I have no idea what I did that was that bad. I grumbled about the government and that is about it. . Have I forgotten what happened to me No I never will but it is just too much to not forgive them and free myself from the anger
Just my opinion.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:30 pm
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Mokkesofie wrote :
This was said to me a couple of days ago, "I don't know how you could ever forgive me, I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive myself."
I replied, "There is nothing to forgive, you took a decision that to you is right. If I know you are happy, I will be happy too."
wow as simple as that? ive read thru this entire tread and you have made it so simple,, seem we can come up with all kinds of reasons or what have it,,,,,,,,,the wisest man of all time put it like this,, father forgive them as they know not what they are doing,,,mokkesofie said "you took a decision that to you is right" like jesus this shows understanding,,,,,,so for those of you who are cristian it as simple as that,,,,,UNDERSTANDING,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,without this understanding non of us will make it,,,,,,,,,,,,jesas said , you have to go through the son to get to the fsther,,,,,,,,the son is the understanding that alows him to forgive you for your shortcommings,,,,
- September 4th, 2009, 07:41 pm
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jayjay wrote :
What I mean is, while yes one person may be lying to their partner....that partner is seldom an innocent saintly victim. I think that usually in these relationships there are things like nastiness, passive-aggression, vindictiveness etc. that go on from both sides. But...it's easy for people to come to this site and give their side of the story that makes them look like the innocent saint. I'm just sayin.
I absolutely don't agree that the partner is "seldom an innocent, saintly victim." It almost sounds like you're suggesting that most people who post here who have been hurt must have done something to deserve being hurt. I must be misunderstanding you there, right?

Let's say there are some people posting who aren't being honest about their part in their troubles. I still believe that for every instance that this is true, there are just as many, if not more, posters who are being completely honest about the entirety of their situation. Especially when I see some of the longer, detailed posts. I just don't believe most people are lying about their hurts and their parts in the situation.

But even if some of them are, I don't think that has anything to do with forgiving the person who hurt you. Even if you actually did respond to the hurt by being vindictive, nasty, or passive-aggressive, it doesn't mean you don't have to forgive the person who hurt you. In fact, it means it's the best thing for you to do. Because the forgiveness is really for you, not the other person. Forgiving the person helps you let go of that passive-aggressiveness, nastiness, and vindictiveness toward them for what they did, if that's how you responded. You should apologize for your bad response (which can be harder than the forgiving), but you should absolutely forgive the hurt that caused it.
- September 4th, 2009, 09:56 pm
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OverAnalyzer wrote :
I find it interesting that the general response on this post was forgiveness of others, so I'll ask the other question...

What about self-forgiveness? Easier or harder? Are you harder on others when you forgive yourself less? Are you harder on yourself because you forgive others more?
MUCH harder to forgive myself. Because I know me. And I know I should know better!
- September 4th, 2009, 09:59 pm
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simplemind wrote :
It's a pretty darn good answer, Jacquiem! thanks.

"~Forgiveness doesn't really benefit the other person as much as it benefits you. It frees you from the things that will hold you back from moving forward. It is not necessarily the words as much as the intention that you make in your heart."

I was starting to react to the word "selfish" in your post, and then saw where you were going. PR_Princess, this is beautifully put. "Frees you" came home to me, especially.
EXACTLY!
- September 4th, 2009, 10:03 pm
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Jacquiem wrote :
I just don't believe most people are lying about their hurts and their parts in the situation.
It probably isn't lying, per se (though that probably happens at times too)...but more like wanting to appear in a positive light. So...details are left out here and there, stories are spun etc. That, and they may not really have any idea about the issues that they are enacting in their lives...otherwise they'd be addressing them. I've found people to have an incredible power to rationalize and justify a vast array of bad behavior.
- September 4th, 2009, 10:20 pm
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For those who know Him, we are able to forgive others because God forgives us our sins.

JavaJava5
- September 5th, 2009, 02:36 am
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