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sheera007 sheera007 is offline
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jayjay wrote :
The word 'forgive' seems kind of vague and airy to me. What I'd say is I don't have a 'forgiveness process'....I have a 'moving past' process. For example....I don't harbor any anger towards my ex, but I wouldn't really say I have 'forgiven' her. It's just that she no longer occupies a place within me emotionally that I need to forgive her.

For me it isn't a matter of just deciding or trying to 'walk away and not look back'...that sounds like something that wouldn't be real. Rather, at a certain point in time there is just no longer any need or desire to look back.
This makes perfect sense to me, jayjay. I have felt exactly like that... or rather, I do feel like that about a certain someone(s).
Last edited by sheera007; September 3rd, 2009 at 11:49 pm.
- September 3rd, 2009, 11:47 pm
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Mokkesofie Mokkesofie is offline
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This was said to me a couple of days ago, "I don't know how you could ever forgive me, I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive myself."
I replied, "There is nothing to forgive, you took a decision that to you is right. If I know you are happy, I will be happy too."
Last edited by Mokkesofie; September 4th, 2009 at 03:51 am. Reason: My heart was bleeding but I meant what I said
- September 4th, 2009, 03:49 am
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simplemind simplemind is offline
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jayjay wrote :
The word 'forgive' seems kind of vague and airy to me. What I'd say is I don't have a 'forgiveness process'....

For me it isn't a matter of just deciding or trying to 'walk away and not look back'...that sounds like something that wouldn't be real. Rather, at a certain point in time there is just no longer any need or desire to look back.
That last is true for me, too. I find myself "freed" when I realize I don't have any feelings for that time or person anymore.

But there are times when there are real transgressors--and there have been times, as sheera said, that I have been the transgressor. Either way, the hurt, distress, and subsequent anger have physiologic underpinnings. So I feel a need to address it directly.

Going to the gym and working out 'til I can hardly stand up, swimming until I have nothing left between the ears...are starts. Talking with friends, and talking my higher power--maybe it's part of compartmentalizing the pain, for me.

Because I don't like myself when the "Victim" stuff floats around in my head and in my life in general. Is a whole attitude I don't want to wallow in. And I certainly don't want that poop to spill over into friendships and future relationships. No knee-jerk reactions when a guy says this or that, that might have me pouncing on him.

Have seen it too much, have been on the receiving end too many times--and respect it so little I don't want to start being that way myself.

Which seems to lead to a whole 'nuther Biblical quote about doing unto others as...?

Yup, I think PR_Princess had it right. Forgiveness might be a very good form of selfishness.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:29 am
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simplemind simplemind is offline
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That is love, in its best form.

and through caring that much, as a wise person here recently said, comes that kind of forgiveness.

Thank you, mokkesofie.
- September 4th, 2009, 07:31 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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simplemind wrote :
I've only been here a short while compared to some of the souls I've seen around here....

but as in real life, see that there is an accumulation of hurt we all accrue over time. And the most common hurt here, being a site associated with a dating service, is about what women have done to these good men--and what men have done to these good women.

Some of the hurts make me hurt when I read of them, all these thousands of miles and who knows how many years away.

And yet still we try again, or consider trying again.

Why? Why not just roll up into a nice armadillo tuck and never come out?

and maybe even more important: How?

Seems to me, some part of that might lie in forgiveness.

Forgiveness, what's That all about, to you?
That's what I used to do and see where it has gotten me. How's it working for you?
- September 4th, 2009, 08:03 am
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graceventually graceventually is offline
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This is a great thread, first of all. So many of the posts have been really carefully crafted and are thought-provoking. And I love that Don Henley song, 6dle.

Someone once told me that forgiveness is ceasing to expect the party that wronged you to "fix it". You release their emotional power over you, you cease to have a certain expectation of them, and leave it to God to judge. You might need to have some boundaries around where you will and won't have them in your life, but those are for the present and future. In forgiving them, you let go of the control they have in the memories of your past.
- September 4th, 2009, 08:31 am
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Kahunacoach Kahunacoach is offline
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AMENDS are the sincere desire and action to share a heartfelt admission of remorse and forgiveness for harm inflicted on one self or others, as well as making restitution for the harm inflicted. A living amend involves the earnest desire to change ones attitudes and behaviors on a day to day basis in a sincere attempt to avoid repeating the same indiscretions again.


THANKS for Everything
>>
- September 4th, 2009, 08:38 am
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timeless2 timeless2 is offline
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I very much believe that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself (can't remember where I heard that) quoted from yoga gal.



this is great. and then you no longer let them have power over you. you are free to create a great life for yourself.
Last edited by timeless2; September 4th, 2009 at 09:21 am. Reason: 'cause
- September 4th, 2009, 09:17 am
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timeless2 timeless2 is offline
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victim is such a disempowering word. I see it as a black hole of sorrow, or worse - nothingness. work to let it go or don't go there. give yourself the gift of life !
- September 4th, 2009, 10:04 am
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yvrs0926 yvrs0926 is offline
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I have a forgiveness/love meter. For each person the capacity depends on the love I have for them. For rights meter goes up, for wrongs it goes down. This could back fire for them depending on the kind of wrong they have done to me. If it is a wrong that I either have encountered many times before by others as well as themselves (the stuck on SORRY guy) or if it is just on a level of something you wouldn't do to someone you love, the meter goes way down. I do allow it to build back up but have found that it does not go up by much. When it reads zero, however, it implodes and will never work again.

I then forgive myself (after a while) for listening to the "but just give him a chance" instead of listening to the "Here we go again" and "I'm getting a de ja vu - RUN".

I continue to look because I believe that life is about the people you share it with and it is not fair to anyone to allow a life to be left alone.
- September 4th, 2009, 10:29 am
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