Fogiveness...what's That all about?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #91  September 6,2009, 11:10am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

simplemind wrote :
..and so the second shot wasn't funny. I think the posts and the contributions you make to this thread are awesome--but this last one doesn't reflect the thoughtful person I am coming to know. I genuinely don't mean to offend you, but just some honest feedback--which you were kind enough to offer me when I was a newbie (and maybe a whole lot more gracefully than I'm doing now).
No offense taken. And actually, the second 'shot' wasn't a shot. I find it curious how people resolve things such as the complete selflessness of the Christ....with other attitudes such as self defense with AK47s. I seriously wondered how Tumbleweed fits these together in his belief system (I still am interested TW).

P.S. I'm not only selfish...I'm also oftentimes not graceful.
 
  Reply With Quote
sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #92  September 6,2009, 11:14am
sheera007's Avatar

is rockin' the fitness progam

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2008

USA

Posts: 756

See profile

jayjay wrote :
P.S. I'm not only selfish...I'm also oftentimes not graceful.
I forgive you.
 
  Reply With Quote
simplemind is offline simplemind Post #93  September 6,2009, 11:15am
simplemind's Avatar

comes to her favorite season--cool weather and beautiful colors.

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

St. Louis

Posts: 1,340

See profile

jayjay, you always come through.

thank you.


And maybe I'm hearing a new thread topic, or would it just be too inflammatory?
...yeah, I just answered myself.
 
  Reply With Quote
simplemind is offline simplemind Post #94  September 6,2009, 11:15am
simplemind's Avatar

comes to her favorite season--cool weather and beautiful colors.

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

St. Louis

Posts: 1,340

See profile

sheera007 wrote :
I forgive you.
lol!
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #95  September 6,2009, 11:18am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

sheera007 wrote :
I forgive you.
plbbbbbbbb
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #96  September 6,2009, 11:26am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

simplemind wrote :
And maybe I'm hearing a new thread topic, or would it just be too inflammatory?
...yeah, I just answered myself.
I once saw a biker with a jacket that had written on the back "Jesus don't take no sh#t". Pretty funny.
 
  Reply With Quote
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #97  September 6,2009, 12:06pm
brneyedangel's Avatar

would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: May 2009

northeast Ohio

Posts: 4,590

See profile

Wow, what a great thread, simplemind! Then again, your threads usually are.

Forgiveness, to me, seems easy enough to do but can be a complicated process depending on what the forgiveness is for. It can be given freely, it can be demanded and not received, and it can be earned over time. It's not always something we share with others, even though the act itself is complete.

If someone just says something that gets under my skin because they're having a rotten day, it's not a big deal. I blow it off, because I know they don't mean it, and move on. It's just an understanding that we all get like this and it's nothing worth dwelling on. Technically I've forgiven them.

But then there's the bigger things that require some major effort to get past. Cheating, lying, abuse--or even non-relationship things like theft and assault--you can add to this list yourself. I'm talking the big things here. Then I think forgiveness, if it comes, is as much a gift to yourself as it is to the other person. Do you actually tell that person your forgive them? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how you handle these things. But getting past it and actually allowing yourself to feel that forgiveness so you aren't harboring that anger and suspecting every person who enters your life as having the potential to do that to you again is really quite important, regardless of what you believe. Otherwise, whether you want to believe it or not, it's going to affect you and your interactions with others. Some people become angry, while others become apathetic. Neither is good. So while it takes time, forgiveness is essential to getting past things and moving on with your life.

Then there's those in between things that just annoy the heck out of you about people. Maybe your SO continually does something you don't like, but it's not a deal breaker. You've talked about it a few times, and you might be ready to tear your hair out some days, but you're not going to leave them over it. After that third conversation about whatever it is that is making you crazy, you can choose to start with a clean slate, or to hear your SO say, "I'm really going to work on this," and think, "Yeah, right, I've heard that before," and then walk around just as irritated as you've always been. That clean slate has forgiveness in it, too.

Forgiveness doesn't always guarantee a free pass, though--forgiving and forgetting are often two different things. I truly forgave my ex-fiance for some of the things he did to me that were very hurtful, but he made it hard to forget them when he kept doing them over and over again to the point where I had to end things with him. I forgive him now, but he's not allowed to come back into my life because he can't accept certain things. He has no emotional hold over me, but I have to do what's best for me. Yes, I still remember, and no, I don't hold it against him (no victim role here).

I think we forgive people more than we realize, even though we may not always let people know we've forgiven them. However, I think we rarely ask for it when we really need it, or when we ask for it, oftentimes we aren't as genuine about it as we should be so that when we really need that forgiveness, we don't receive it. That said, I think we sit in harsh judgment of others more often than we care to admit, as well. Can anyone not be a transgressor if that's the case? Again, this is just my opinion from my experiences, so take them with a grain of salt.

Still awake? Need some coffee? Me too!
 
  Reply With Quote
sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #98  September 6,2009, 12:39pm
sheera007's Avatar

is rockin' the fitness progam

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2008

USA

Posts: 756

See profile

brneyedangel wrote :
If someone just says something that gets under my skin because they're having a rotten day, it's not a big deal. I blow it off, because I know they don't mean it, and move on. It's just an understanding that we all get like this and it's nothing worth dwelling on. Technically I've forgiven them.
See to me, something so trivial doesn't even need forgiveness. It simply requires me to recognize that we all have our bad days, and that the person meant no offense. And yes, we do need to blow it off and move on. You may consider it forgiveness. I don't. I consider it "blowing it off and moving on" and lightening the heck up.


brneyedangel wrote :
But then there's the bigger things that require some major effort to get past. Cheating, lying, abuse--or even non-relationship things like theft and assault--you can add to this list yourself.
I agree. But whether (or not) I choose to forgive the bigger things depends on several factors, specific to the indivual person and circumstance.

brneyedangel wrote :
But getting past it and actually allowing yourself to feel that forgiveness so you aren't harboring that anger and suspecting every person who enters your life as having the potential to do that to you again is really quite important, regardless of what you believe. So while it takes time, forgiveness is essential to getting past things and moving on with your life.
It may be essential for you. It may be essential for a lot of people. I don't believe it is essential for everyone.

Jayjay and I have both expressed that we don't always need to "forgive" in order to put something behind us. For me, it depends on the exact nature of the situation, and the variables. But we have both been able to let go of anger/resentment and move past the hurt, without feeling the need to forgive.
  • If a hundred people want to call that forgiveness...
  • If a hundred people believe that Jayjay and I are wrong about our own feelings and thoughts...
  • If a hundred people believe that, if Jayjay and I had truly moved on, then it is because we have "forgiven", whether we are aware of it or not...
  • If a hundred people can't fathom that, over time, we simply stopped placing importance on the matter/person....

Well...
I can't speak for jayjay but the hundred people can certainly be my guests. That doesn't make them correct. It simply is an opinion, based on inability to relate to my sentiments, because they differ from their own.
Last edited by sheera007; September 6,2009 at 12:48pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
tumbleweed is offline tumbleweed Post #99  September 6,2009, 1:02pm
tumbleweed's Avatar

has the keys to cell block 8

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2009

goliad tx!

Posts: 1,315

See profile

jayjay wrote :
OK....so you're very forgiving....but no sense of humor. Since you like quoting him...do you think Jesas would defend himself with these?
jesas was the wises of the wise, he used words of wisdom to fight,that is why he was and is the most powerful man of all time,,as far as a sence of humor gos not when your talking about blowing someone away,, if you want to see my humor go to the aaa completly stupid conversation and read some of what i put in there,,,humor has its place and vary good for relieving stress and such,,,,,ill be there,, ill even start a tread so u can insult away,,tumbleweed
 
  Reply With Quote
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #100  September 6,2009, 1:11pm
brneyedangel's Avatar

would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: May 2009

northeast Ohio

Posts: 4,590

See profile

sheera007 wrote :
See to me, something so trivial doesn't even need forgiveness. It simply requires me to recognize that we all have our bad days, and that the person meant no offense. And yes, we do need to blow it off and move on. You may consider it forgiveness. I don't. I consider it "blowing it off and moving on" and lightening the heck up.


I agree. But whether (or not) I choose to forgive the bigger things depends on several factors, specific to the indivual person and circumstance.


It may be essential for you. It may be essential for a lot of people. I don't believe it is essential for everyone.

Jayjay and I have both expressed that we don't always need to "forgive" in order to put something behind us. For me, it depends on the exact nature of the situation, and the variables. But we have both been able to let go of anger/resentment and move past the hurt, without feeling the need to forgive.
  • If a hundred people want to call that forgiveness...
  • If a hundred people believe that Jayjay and I are wrong about our own feelings and thoughts...
  • If a hundred people believe that, if Jayjay and I had truly moved on, then it is because we have "forgiven", whether we are aware of it or not...
  • If a hundred people can't fathom that, over time, we simply stopped placing importance on the matter/person....

Well...
I can't speak for jayjay but the hundred people can certainly be my guests. That doesn't make them correct. It simply is an opinion, based on inability to relate to my sentiments, because they differ from their own.
I was merely expressing my opinion. I did read your opinion and everyone else's before I posted, and I respect what everyone has said, and would appreciate the same in kind. You don't have to agree with what I've said, but it's still going to be my opinion because it happens to be what I believe from my experiences (and I said as much in my post). I wasn't responding to you and your post specifically, nor to anyone else's, but to the topic in general; had I been responding to you, I would have quoted you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Just looking for opinions | Dating | Men: Date Woman With More Money? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:33am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0