Wow, what a great thread, simplemind! Then again, your threads usually are.

Forgiveness, to me, seems easy enough to do but can be a complicated process depending on what the forgiveness is for. It can be given freely, it can be demanded and not received, and it can be earned over time. It's not always something we share with others, even though the act itself is complete.

If someone just says something that gets under my skin because they're having a rotten day, it's not a big deal. I blow it off, because I know they don't mean it, and move on. It's just an understanding that we all get like this and it's nothing worth dwelling on. Technically I've forgiven them.

But then there's the bigger things that require some major effort to get past. Cheating, lying, abuse--or even non-relationship things like theft and assault--you can add to this list yourself. I'm talking the big things here. Then I think forgiveness, if it comes, is as much a gift to yourself as it is to the other person. Do you actually tell that person your forgive them? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how you handle these things. But getting past it and actually allowing yourself to feel that forgiveness so you aren't harboring that anger and suspecting every person who enters your life as having the potential to do that to you again is really quite important, regardless of what you believe. Otherwise, whether you want to believe it or not, it's going to affect you and your interactions with others. Some people become angry, while others become apathetic. Neither is good. So while it takes time, forgiveness is essential to getting past things and moving on with your life.

Then there's those in between things that just annoy the heck out of you about people. Maybe your SO continually does something you don't like, but it's not a deal breaker. You've talked about it a few times, and you might be ready to tear your hair out some days, but you're not going to leave them over it. After that third conversation about whatever it is that is making you crazy, you can choose to start with a clean slate, or to hear your SO say, "I'm really going to work on this," and think, "Yeah, right, I've heard that before," and then walk around just as irritated as you've always been. That clean slate has forgiveness in it, too.

Forgiveness doesn't always guarantee a free pass, though--forgiving and forgetting are often two different things. I truly forgave my ex-fiance for some of the things he did to me that were very hurtful, but he made it hard to forget them when he kept doing them over and over again to the point where I had to end things with him. I forgive him now, but he's not allowed to come back into my life because he can't accept certain things. He has no emotional hold over me, but I have to do what's best for me. Yes, I still remember, and no, I don't hold it against him (no victim role here).

I think we forgive people more than we realize, even though we may not always let people know we've forgiven them. However, I think we rarely ask for it when we really need it, or when we ask for it, oftentimes we aren't as genuine about it as we should be so that when we really need that forgiveness, we don't receive it. That said, I think we sit in harsh judgment of others more often than we care to admit, as well. Can anyone not be a transgressor if that's the case? Again, this is just my opinion from my experiences, so take them with a grain of salt.

Still awake? Need some coffee? Me too!