Dating and Dollars during the ression


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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #41  September 3,2009, 4:01pm
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and i have to add that the people that cant wrap their mind around that ^^ are more likely to be the ones that are all about the accounting of it all as in "it had better be even"
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #42  September 3,2009, 4:04pm
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bigfincat wrote :
Was that an insecurity on his part? I could be wrong but it seems that he did have something to prove even after you were married. That may be what you mean by him wanting to have an upper hand in some way.

That is one type of relationship I guess.

I will be in a situation where her money is my money so it won't matter who physically pays for anything.

I know that your dating experience will be different from mine because I will be living with a woman long before marriage & as far as I remember you would not cohabitate before marriage. That would make our situations & expectations MUCH different and hard to compare.
i find it interesting that you think its about insecurity. i made more money! how would his paying all the time give him the upper hand?? since he wasnt keeping track and enforcing that everything *had* to be equal it was probably financially to his detriment. i cant see that as controlling or insecure. its exactly the opposite!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #43  September 3,2009, 4:15pm
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Nanette wrote :
i find it interesting that you think its about insecurity. i made more money! how would his paying all the time give him the upper hand?? since he wasnt keeping track and enforcing that everything *had* to be equal it was probably financially to his detriment. i cant see that as controlling or insecure. its exactly the opposite!
Being insecure has nothing to do with reality.

This seems to contradict what you had previously stated:
"because he liked to keep it more as though he did more for me because he enjoyed it."

There was a motivation behind that. I was only asking if it were out of insecurity. The fact that you made more money than him actually might make insecurity even more of a valid motivation.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #44  September 3,2009, 4:29pm
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bigfincat wrote :
The fact that you made more money than him actually might make insecurity even more of a valid motivation.
sure that could be but it wasnt from the beginning. i wouldnt have dated him if he insisted that i pay and no he didnt know that i felt that way. he just naturally paid and there was no question for him even when he had no clue as to how much money i made.

and the purpose of my post about him wasnt what his motivation was, but to illustrate the point that it isnt about money.
 
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singleman4803 is offline singleman4803 Post #45  September 3,2009, 4:32pm
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Nanette wrote :
sure that could be but it wasnt from the beginning. i wouldnt have dated him if he insisted that i pay and no he didnt know that i felt that way. he just naturally paid and there was no question for him even when he had no clue as to how much money i made.

and the purpose of my post about him wasnt what his motivation was, but to illustrate the point that it isnt about money.
If it's not about the money then why do you expect him to pay? If you don't care about the money, why not pay 1/2?

Why is it you demand a man pay?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #46  September 3,2009, 4:40pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Not to disagree with you, and I liked your post, but it’s an opportunistic one to poke at.

Your post contains the substantial qualifying detail customarily added by women right after they write “it’s not about the money,” wherein they go on to explain how it is indeed about the money. About how I will be assessed based on what I am paid, and how my pay turns into her quality of life.

This is essentially my dating experience, contained in this post: that women demand a man must at least equal her financially.

I would like to see these women quantify their idea of what a man needs to make (have, spend, give, whatever) to fulfill the delineated requirements.

if kids are involved, I don't want to have to worry about whether or not they have what they need

What do they need? What does it cost? How much will you provide, how much must he?

I want to be able to retire one day and not have to work until the day I die

Where? How? At what age? To what lifestyle?

I can take these requirements into Excel and come back with anything short of high-six-figure salary falls short. Now, I know that isn’t what you’re saying (and I have all the same requirements you do.)

And what if you partner is injured / disabled / unemployed / wishes to subsidize a parent … would you terminate that relationship?

Not you personally … just putting out the questions.
I understand your points, and I understand the opportunity my post provided.

Understand, though, that I'm single, not dating anyone, and I can't give you these figures. I can answer a few things for you, though, but I'm not sure they'll be of the substance you'll want:

First off, I don't make six figures, and I don't expect any potential partner to, either. The money needed for any of these things depends on where a person lives. I live more than comfortably where I'm located with my salary, but I'd be searching for two pennies to rub together in other locations across the country.

Secondly, if I have children, who really knows what it will cost to provide them with what they need? I'm not talking about giving them every single thing their little hearts desire, I'm talking about giving them what they need. Do I want to give them more than that? Sure I do! Can I say I will? Not a chance. And even if I could, I wouldn't give them every single thing they wanted. But that's a whole different conversation.

In teaching (as of this week) I can retire after working 30 years. That means I can retire at age 54. When I retire, I will receive a pension. That pension will be the equivalent of the average of my salary for my last 3 years of teaching. At that point it's living within my means. My point wasn't about huge chunks of change, it was about actually being able to retire one day with my spouse (if I get one of those).

These are things I would like to do and have, and I'm not a big one for just rolling along and letting life happen to me. Granted, life throws you curve balls. Someone loses their job. Someone gets hurt. Someone can't work. Would I terminate a marriage over this stuff? No, because it's a partnership, and not a "You will please me and give me everything I want"-ship. You have to deal when this stuff happens.

Again, I know it wasn't directed specifically at me, but I thought I'd respond anyway. There's just too many what ifs to give specific numbers in my mind. But then again, there is a reason why I'm not a math teacher...
 
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