gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #51  September 2,2009, 9:09pm
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Nanette wrote :
well if she did nothing she would still get some kind of result from that. she now thinks that because she called that the end result is better than if she never called. i dont think so.
Well in the first place the only result she'd get from not calling would be to still not know where she stands, and that's no result at all since she was originally saying that she wanted to know.
It sounds like you're saying that she is deluding herself since she made the call against your advice and now seems much happier with her situation.
She may get a date out of this, she may not, i don't think that's the point, for me the point is that she took action to resolve her uncertainty and is feeling better in herself because of it.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #52  September 2,2009, 9:55pm
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gothustartus wrote :
I understand that, but i still don't think your original statement holds water, that advice a man may give on this type of situation is automatically suspect. Women can have axes to grind every bit as large as any mans and can give equally bad advice based on that.
I’m not implying that men give the advice that they would in this situation because they have an ax to grind or that they would give certain advice to be malicious. Speaking of this specific situation almost every single man will almost without fail tell a woman to call. Sure, there are some or even many women that will say the same thing, but I’ve almost never heard a man say “don’t call him”. The whole point of not calling in this case would be for her so she doesn’t obsess over it or worry about it by getting busy and doing something other than thinking about this person that hasn’t picked up the phone to call her. Making another call to him will not alter the ultimate end result. When she calls him, especially if he really isnt interested in her, would probably make him think “she digs me”. Ego food. Guys know they call women that they are interested in. I’m not trying to generalize negatively about advice from men. There are plenty of men that I will gladly take advice from.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #53  September 2,2009, 10:10pm
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gothustartus wrote :
Well in the first place the only result she'd get from not calling would be to still not know where she stands, and that's no result at all since she was originally saying that she wanted to know.
It sounds like you're saying that she is deluding herself since she made the call against your advice and now seems much happier with her situation.
She may get a date out of this, she may not, i don't think that's the point, for me the point is that she took action to resolve her uncertainty and is feeling better in herself because of it.
She may still not know where she stands. He didn’t ask her out again. How many times have we read on these boards where someone will say that they had a great time and they would call and then they never did. Ive read it a lot. No I don’t think she is deluding herself I think she should approach the situation without expectation. Sure I think it would have been better for her to get on with life for the time being and let things happen when and if they would, but she made her choice and called the guy. I hope for her that it all works out the way that she wants it to. I thought her message had more of a tone that she was “successful” and oh look hes going to call me and we are going out. She has her hopes up now. Its not about me and my advice and whether or not someone takes it or rejects it.
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #54  September 3,2009, 5:54am
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Nanette wrote :
eeew.

well i cant stop anyone from calling and i will never be swayed in my opinion on that. she already has called this guy where she never should have in the first place.

the guys that expect me to call him after a date when he hasnt called me for another are the ones that i wouldnt want, so as far as i am concerned i am successfully weeding them out that way.

op you need to keep in mind that guys will not always give you the best advice. they will give you advice that feels good to their egos.
Those that are very obsessed with weeding all the sprouts just because they're plants will ensure that there is nothing that can possibly grow. I guess one can continually heap manure into the garden while disregarding one's own illogical actions and then blame failure on the plants, but all you'll end up with is cold barren ground that smells.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #55  September 3,2009, 7:07am
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Nanette wrote :
Speaking of this specific situation almost every single man will almost without fail tell a woman to call. Sure, there are some or even many women that will say the same thing, but I’ve almost never heard a man say “don’t call him”.
In regard to this specific thread:
I think the majority of people who responded to the OP would have done so, with the same advice...had the gender roles been reversed..This whole business of "his turn..."your turn" "don't call, it will stroke his ego" is complete nonsense..
This is not jr. high...it's life.
wrote :
The whole point of not calling in this case would be for her so she doesn’t obsess over it or worry about it by getting busy and doing something other than thinking about this person that hasn’t picked up the phone to call her.
Telling someone to get busy and doing something else is all well and good....when they've come to the conclusion, that there is nothing else that they can do, within their own power.
She obviously hadn't reached the same conclusion you had, right?
She has hope...like many of us do.
Yeah, some of us still have hope.

wrote :
Making another call to him will not alter the ultimate end result.
And what is the ultimate end result...and who gets to decide that? You?
No one has a crystal ball here. They can only do...what they can do.
wrote :
When she calls him, especially if he really isn't interested in her, would probably make him think “she digs me”. Ego food. Guys know they call women that they are interested in.
Guys, or real men, I should say... also don't jump to conclusions about women who don't call them...they give them the benefit of a doubt.

wrote :
I’m not trying to generalize negatively about advice from men.
Well, you fooled me.
Last edited by TheThinker; September 3,2009 at 7:09am.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #56  September 3,2009, 11:39am
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Nanette wrote :
I’m not implying that men give the advice that they would in this situation because they have an ax to grind or that they would give certain advice to be malicious. Speaking of this specific situation almost every single man will almost without fail tell a woman to call. Sure, there are some or even many women that will say the same thing, but I’ve almost never heard a man say “don’t call him”. The whole point of not calling in this case would be for her so she doesn’t obsess over it or worry about it by getting busy and doing something other than thinking about this person that hasn’t picked up the phone to call her.
Ahhh right, sorry, that didn't come across.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #57  September 3,2009, 12:04pm
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Nanette wrote :
She may still not know where she stands. He didn’t ask her out again.
Sure she's still in limbo until it goes one way or the other, but for me waiting to hear back from someone is always easier if i'm not questioning whether or not i did all i could reasonably do to make it happen. I don't obsess about it but if i'm asking myself if i could have done more then i'll wonder about it for ages. If i know i gave it my best shot then even if it goes pear shaped and i never hear from her again i don't feel like i fumbled the ball, she just wasn't into me.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #58  September 3,2009, 2:42pm
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gothustartus wrote :
but for me waiting to hear back from someone is always easier if i'm not questioning whether or not i did all i could reasonably do to make it happen. I don't obsess about it but if i'm asking myself if i could have done more then i'll wonder about it for ages. If i know i gave it my best shot then even if it goes pear shaped and i never hear from her again i don't feel like i fumbled the ball, she just wasn't into me.
youre a guy, you should be doing that.
 
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singleman4803 is offline singleman4803 Post #59  September 3,2009, 3:03pm
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Nanette wrote :
I’m not implying that men give the advice that they would in this situation because they have an ax to grind or that they would give certain advice to be malicious. Speaking of this specific situation almost every single man will almost without fail tell a woman to call. Sure, there are some or even many women that will say the same thing, but I’ve almost never heard a man say “don’t call him”. The whole point of not calling in this case would be for her so she doesn’t obsess over it or worry about it by getting busy and doing something other than thinking about this person that hasn’t picked up the phone to call her. Making another call to him will not alter the ultimate end result. When she calls him, especially if he really isnt interested in her, would probably make him think “she digs me”. Ego food. Guys know they call women that they are interested in. I’m not trying to generalize negatively about advice from men. There are plenty of men that I will gladly take advice from.
I think guys say "call him" because guys aren't afraid of blowing up a woman's ego like apparently you are.

So he thinks she likes him....and? God forbid you give someone an ego boost. Who would want to do that!

This is one of my major grinds with women. They have this huge fear of letting men know they like them. Maybe it's fear of some type of embarrassment? I'm not sure. But if you're secure in yourself, what do you care if someone knows you like them?

If I compliment a woman and she blows me off or insults me, then I'm thinking oh well. It's not like I gave her a diamond ring. It will probably be the last time I do so for her, though.

Women really hurt themselves, I swear. They play these games of refusing to say how they feel and guys end up walking away. Then they come on here and say "why did he blow me off?". Uh, because you forgot to mention that you were interested?

Maybe these women just grew up with a daddy that did whatever they wanted so they figure they don't need to make any effort and men will bend over backwards for them no matter what....

The reason men say call him is to simply resolve the issue. Resolve it, get it behind you. It's not because we want her to give the guy an ego boost. If the guy is that much of an ego-maniac, then why would you like him to begin with?

Show men some respect; be honest and straightforward.
 
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