An interesting perspective - woman doesn't believe in love


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WoolyOrl is offline WoolyOrl Post #1  September 2,2009, 6:39am
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I played tennis last night with a 35 year old woman, divorced, 4 year old child, extremely competent. She's a good friend of mine, I like to think I know her fairly well. She said the most amazing thing to me... I didn't even know how to comment.

She said that she didn't believe in love. That she had never believed in love. She believed in chemistry, common interests, compatibility, etc. - but that she wouldn't marry for love, because she didn't think it existed outside the mother/child dynamic.

She wasn't drunk, wasn't jaded, and seems to be a well adjusted person who got divorced her hubby for the simple fact that she was never around the marriage (worked crazy hours WITH a child).

Having never met someone who at some point didn't at least fell the tingle of love, I have a question for the crowd:

Call me crazy, call me a romantic, call me a sucker - but after a divorce, suicide of a fiance', death of my son... I still completely believe in the concept of loving someone.

Is her position utterly unique? Or is it a common occurrence among men/women? I feel this overwhelming need as her friend to "fix" this, however before I even discuss the subject again with her I wanted to see what people thought.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #2  September 2,2009, 4:47pm
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My 2 cents...

Don't even think about "fixing" anything until she comes to you and says the specific words: "Please fix my failure to believe in Love".

Just enjoy the woman's friendship in whatever form she chooses to extend it to you.

Did I mention to put the thought of "fixing" anything out of your mind?

Local opinion(s) may vary.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  September 2,2009, 4:55pm
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I want to write I believe her.
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #4  September 2,2009, 4:56pm
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Seneca wrote :
My 2 cents...

Don't even think about "fixing" anything until she comes to you and says the specific words: "Please fix my failure to believe in Love".

Just enjoy the woman's friendship in whatever form she chooses to extend it to you.

Did I mention to put the thought of "fixing" anything out of your mind?

Local opinion(s) may vary.

Seneca I would have to agree with you. Fixin' and dating seldom mix very well in my humble and experienced opinion.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  September 2,2009, 5:02pm
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why did she marry her ex??

For money? Is she that shallow?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #6  September 2,2009, 5:34pm

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D_Lion wrote :
I want to write I believe her.

Is it mature … or is it informed … or is it rational … or is it jaded, people, who don’t believe in love?

Or, perhaps, she meant something simpler: like, that there are things other than love, which are really the things that make relationships succeed or not.

***

Good question, and good motivation.
"Or, perhaps, she meant something simpler: like, that there are things other than love, which are really the things that make relationships succeed or not."

I was thinking along the same lines as DL. Maybe she meant something like that...Or maybe she was meaning the word "love" as when people believe that they love someone but they are just more in love with the idea of love than the person??

lol! that a man wants to fix someone. I got a kick out of that - I thought us women were the only ones that wanted to do that.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #7  September 2,2009, 5:46pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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It realy doesn't matter what she meant, because people don't "fix" people unless they are a surgeon. What they can do is assist people in helping and healing themselves. But if, as you say, she's not jaded or irrational, then even if you could fix her, she wouldn't want to be fixed.

So, she doesn't believe in love. Some people might find that hard to believe, but it happens. Just as a christian might find it very hard to believe and accept that some people don't believe there a God. And the worst thing to do is try to convert someone who doesn't want to be converted. One day, she may change her opinion. But until then, you're pretty much stuck with accepting this about her.
 
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winn is offline winn Post #8  September 2,2009, 5:50pm

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Actually, i have met women like that before. I've known a couple who are very matter of fact that love doesn't really exist for them, except with their children. I don't know if this is because the heart has been hardened by life and it's struggles or if it's because they are too busy to put in the energy needed to really love someone. I have no idea but for me i find this a very sad statement. I think for some people love becomes a very hard thing and has emotions involved which are hard to feel. So for some, it's easier to bury the idea of love and get on with life rather than allowing emotions that stop you in your tracks and may cause you to have difficulty with living. (Although personally, I believe that love makes living more enjoyable, not less).

As to fixing her? Don't even try. You will never have the ability to do that.....and, yes, LizziePooh, men have this need to "fix" things....the one thing that drives me crazy about them because I don't always want to be fixed as much as understood.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #9  September 2,2009, 5:56pm
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I think she's probably smarter than the rest of us and that we are the ones that need to get fixed!
 
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mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #10  September 2,2009, 6:24pm
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Perhaps she IS jaded, but got into that mindset so very long ago, that it no longer comes across that way.

I myself love romance and the idea of love but got burned by men who supposedly loved me often enough to seriously doubt "love" in and of itself.

Anybody ever suddenly realize their significant other just has them there for show, while getting it on with someone else? Been there. Anyone ever been told how much you are loved only to dumped without even a catch you later because the ex gave them a call back? Been there too.

Do you actually KNOW what else she has been through to give her such an outlook? Before you try to fix... get to know her better.
 
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