Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Laughingdaily Laughingdaily is offline
Laughingdaily's Avatar

Laughingdaily Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 597

See profile

Good morning to all. I am going to put this out here because this has caused me great difficulty in my on-going effort to find that seemingly elusive woman who may be out here hoping to meet a guy like me.

I have lost a child and it was a homicide. The case remains unsolved. Let me be very clear at this point to tell you this tragic event WAS NOT the cause of my decision to end my marriage.

The reason I am posting this is to see if there is some unwritten rule that says if you meet a person who has lost a child you must get away fast and not even think about knowing anything else about that "DAMAGED" person. Regardless of any other possible attributes or good qualities that person may have.

What the H**L is this all about?? I am sure other people with similar situations have run into this. I am a very optimistic person but this one has me wandering what I can do to move another person beyond this part of my life.

I know someone out here has solved this one. Please give me some insight here.

Thank you,

Dan
- September 1st, 2009, 08:42 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is online now
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ...is relieved that the homebuyer's tax credit has been extended.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,412

See profile

How tragic. Regarding your question....from my side I really wouldn't hesitate to get involved with a woman if her child had been killed. I mean, as long as I knew she wasn't the one who did it.
- September 1st, 2009, 08:47 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh has decided to put her luck to the test.

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 4,320

See profile

Wow, Dan! I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child and then on top of that, being left without knowing why, or who??

I don't think anyone would consider someone in your position as damaged goods.

I would not think that your partners would have a say in whether you are ready to date or be emotionally available, I would think that would entirely be up to you.

I am so sorry to hear about your child.
- September 1st, 2009, 08:49 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
Laughingdaily Laughingdaily is offline
Laughingdaily's Avatar

Laughingdaily Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 597

See profile

LizziePooh wrote :
Wow, Dan! I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child and then on top of that, being left without knowing why, or who??

I don't think anyone would consider someone in your position as damaged goods.

I would not think that your partners would have a say in whether you are ready to date or be emotionally available, I would think that would entirely be up to you.

I am so sorry to hear about your child.

Thank you. I do appreciate your thoughts. This happened 16 years ago now. His B-day comes again on the 17th of this month. It is not as bad as it was for the first 5 years or so, and I do not "CARRY" this around and tell everyone who I meet.

There is alot of other issues that are a part of this and I would literaly run out of paper here if I said much more. I am more than ready to enter into a serious relationship, however I am also a very honest and upfront person.

Having said that this is one part of my life I will put on the table if a woman wants to meet the first time. I have talked about this in phone conversations prior to the meeting and there 'USUALLY" were no obvious adverse reactions.

I am not one to hide something, thats just me.
- September 1st, 2009, 08:58 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
Laughingdaily Laughingdaily is offline
Laughingdaily's Avatar

Laughingdaily Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 597

See profile

Lizzie I do have a considerable amount of info on 5 people who "may" have been involved. This is another reason to limit what is put here.

As I said I would run out of paper if I could keep myself composed long enough to lay out all the things I have done trying to get some answers here.
- September 1st, 2009, 09:09 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh has decided to put her luck to the test.

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 4,320

See profile

How do you bring it up, Dan?

This seems a bit heavy for the small talk of getting to know a potential suitor. I can see it coming up if it just organically springs from discussions if you have kids or not.

But if it is something that you feel that has to be spoken before you meet, than I can see some women being a bit intimidated by someone sharing something so painful and tragic so early.

While I understand the murder of your child was a life alternating event and probably the most influential thing that has shaped you into who you are today, I would think it might be better to share this when a certain level of intimacy is there.
- September 1st, 2009, 09:10 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
lada2 lada2 is offline
lada2's Avatar

lada2 maybe i should have not closed that door so hard, so quick

Enthusiast

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 868

See profile

this may not be what is between you and the life you want...
but something is.
just a suggestion (and please don't take offense):
perhaps reviewing your past experience and hopes for the future with a counselor could give you some objective focused input?
- September 1st, 2009, 09:10 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Fleuellen Fleuellen is online now
Fleuellen's Avatar

Fleuellen rea

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 489

See profile

Dan. There aren't words that mean anything in your situation. I can only add that you've probably done so, but your question is one for a counsellor. Oh, I can attest that there isn't any rule. My late wife was close friends with work collegue that experinced something similar. I'm passing on details as they don't matter and might identify the family. Anyway, in that situation there wasn't any "rule." I'm sure it is different in any situation. As I said, talk it through, work on where you're at. I doubt anyone else can answer this question, only you.
- September 1st, 2009, 09:13 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh has decided to put her luck to the test.

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 4,320

See profile

Laughingdaily wrote :
Lizzie I do have a considerable amount of info on 5 people who "may" have been involved. This is another reason to limit what is put here.

As I said I would run out of paper if I could keep myself composed long enough to lay out all the things I have done trying to get some answers here.
I can't imagine, Dan or maybe I can. I hope your son and you gets justice one day!
- September 1st, 2009, 09:13 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
Laughingdaily Laughingdaily is offline
Laughingdaily's Avatar

Laughingdaily Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 597

See profile

lada2 wrote :
this may not be what is between you and the life you want...
but something is.
just a suggestion (and please don't take offense):
perhaps reviewing your past experience and hopes for the future with a counselor could give you some objective focused input?

I appreciate your input and I have used that option already. One problem has been the way this was handled from the time the first "detective" arrived at the scene to "investigate". The details involved with this have left more than one counselor at a point where they had no real advice to give me.
- September 1st, 2009, 09:17 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 Last »

Bookmarks

« Mustache poll | Array | What in the world is he doing?! »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ My chair is big enough for two and I have extra fleecey blankets. But he must not talk during movies. It's a very strict rule. ” – littlebluemonkeymind

Join the “Is everyone but me dating?” discussion

“ amen to that sister ... mind you I recall a few times with late wife when there was some disharmony over what was meant be right time ... I tend the feel that we are responsible if we have sex not ... ” – Fleuellen

Join the “Gods will and sex vs abstinence for older folks” discussion

“It's a few days before Thanksgiving. I've heard that Thanksgiving is a holiday that just can't be commercialized. We buy food and give thanks. Besides the expense of traveling---that is that! ... ” – jsbach

Join the “This is the Day !” discussion

“I am sure that a great many are going to disagree with me on this one but ........ It is unlikely that a purely sexual relationship is going to turn into an emotionally based committed long term ... ” – TiffanyDiamond

Join the “bootycall” discussion

“Wait until you meet the family :-) No, seriously, wait until you meet the family. It is a little soon to be moving in together. Not that it couldn't work. But, there's a big difference between ... ” – trackstar

Join the “Advice Needed -- What's Next?” discussion

“ So, people, here are my questions for you: Did you ever get in the wrong line yourself? Did you do it deliberately, or inadvertently? Have you ever counted somebody else's groceries? Did you ever ... ” – Lilycat

Join the “Ever been Caught in the Wrong Line?” discussion

“need... that... action... figure...” – Kinjia

Join the “No Excuse for this thread...” discussion

“Due to intense boredom, I have spent waaay too much time today reading through advice articles and posts. And I have noticed something- about half of all of them mention..Girls do this? Why not write ... ” – vagabndsoul

Join the “His Top Five Dating Fears” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:43 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0