Kaspar11 is offline Kaspar11 Post #1  August 30,2009, 11:25pm
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First off, long-time lurker, first-time poster here!

Anyway, I met this girl online a week or so ago and we really hit it off well in email, IM and phone (our first phone convo was 45 minutes). We met last Friday and really hit it off, spending 5 1/2 hours just talking and having a great time together over a wine tasting, dinner and drinks. At the end of the night, I mentioned that I was going to be back in the same area the next night with friends to watch the UFC fights (she's also a fan) and that she was welcome to join us. She enthusiastically agreed and we saw each other on Saturday as well (we also each brought a friend). Things went great again (one guy at the table next to us even commented that we made a great couple and that he couldn't believe it was only our second date) and we decided to meet up this week. When we talked tonight, I told her what my schedule was (Tuesday was the only iffy night for me while she couldn't make it Wednesday), and she mentioned Thursday would work. I said that was fine, but that, if Tuesday opened up, we could move the date up if she wanted. She mentioned she might be meeting a friend Monday or Tuesday, then said "You know what, how about tomorrow? I'll tell my friend that she and I can meet Tuesday". Before the logical side of my brain could say "three dates in four days - this is too quick", my mouth said "Sure!".

I really like this girl a lot (she seems to really like me as well), and want to spend a lot of time with her now, as my travel schedule gets insane in the next few weeks. However, I have this nagging fear in the back of my mind that this is going too fast and that it's going to flare out quick just like my last relationship did. I also don't want to earn the dreaded "needy" tag straight away. As it stands, I'm already thinking that, after tomorrow, we'll at least go until late in the week/weekend before we see each other again. Am I just being paranoid or is this a legit concern? I really don't want to derail this relationship before it even gets started, so any advice is greatly appreciated!
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  September 1,2009, 1:28pm
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I would say you are going too fast if you feel like things are going too fast, but if you are enjoying each other's company so much, then have a great time.

As far as being worried about being tagged as needy....don't worry about it if she is suggesting meeting soon too. That happens when let it be known too frequently that you want to see someone more than they are interested in seeing you.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  September 1,2009, 2:17pm
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how old are you guys? you sound young.

all i could tell you is how i would feel and if i were her i wouldnt be rearranging my schedule and i wouldnt be seeing you more than twice a week no matter how much i liked you.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  September 1,2009, 2:31pm
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I wouldn't want to see something so frequently. I guess I'm just too busy. But even if I wasn't, I can see myself getting burnt out very quickly from that. I'd tell her that you're normally pretty busy and this week was a fluke for you and not to be offended if you can't sustain that frequency.
I'd still date her but now you have the option of going at a reasonable pace and can increase it naturally as you two progress.
How's that?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #5  September 1,2009, 3:35pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Welcome to the boards, Kaspar11.

I agree with MelinCali's definition of going too fast. Basically, if you are both comfortable with the pace, then enjoy your time together. At this point, I don't think you are going to come across as needy because you aren't the one who is always asking to spend time with her; she's eager to spend time with you, as well. However, if you have not communicated with her that your schedule is going to be very busy over the next few weeks, then you need to make sure you make that clear to her so that she doesn't expect you to maintain this pace. Right now, not communicating that fact would probably derail any potential development, at least in my mind.

Best wishes to you!
 
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firstdate is offline firstdate Post #6  September 1,2009, 3:42pm
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I'm having the same problem. I've been dating a girl for about 2 weeks and have seen her at least every other day. This is my first dating experience in several years and frankly I'm burnt out. I'm ready to call it quits due to a variety of reasons, but I must say I think things would have worked out better had we limited our encounters to once a week at the outset. I think that is good advice unless you're both having a 'love at first sight' experience or something (which I've never had and wouldn't know about).

Cheers!
 
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