Is there a point that you settle?

Or maybe stop looking at relationships as being so serious and goal-oriented. And just look at them for what they are, interactions with other people.

That's profound, actually. I'd settle for a woman who doesn't burn my couch when she gets mad.

And nobody -- NOBODY -- has defined "settling."

Let me define it:
-> Healthy relationship: non-abusive
-> Loyal relationship: no adultry
-> Partner is present and involved in the relationship: no abandonment
-> Partner is physically and emotionally healthy: no negative addictions

So, we have defined "settling" as being in an otherwise good relationship. If the person violates any of these things, then it's not settling to stay with them.

The only things left for setting are the good things.

You settle for:
-> Less sex
-> Too much sex
-> Too little money
-> Lower looks than you'd prefer
-> Over/Under achiever
-> Over/Under active lifestyle
-> etc.

And now, I ask the settler, are your expectations aligned with reality? You say you want to travel the world, but you settled for a mechanic who barely makes rent.

He's a good man, but he doesn't make enough money to fly off to France every Spring, for some shopping.

Can you pull a man like that?

And guys, you settled for a fat girl? Really. Do you honestly think you can get a better-looking woman?

The question should not be "Should you settle?"

The question should be, "Are you living in reality?"

Too many people who claim they are settling, are delusional lunatics who think they can pull a different league of partner, when in reality they're right where they have aligned themselves financially, physically, emotionally, and geographifically.


- Saul

That's profound, actually. I'd settle for a woman who doesn't burn my couch when she gets mad.

And nobody -- NOBODY -- has defined "settling."

Btw Tom, how does the general maturity level in woman change from highschool to college? It seems to me that a lot more woman would have their heads on their shoulders around that time and know what they want, but hell we are still very young at that age and 95% of people still just want to have fun at that time.

Who knows Tom, maybe you'll find that someone who is ready to settle at this age and someone who'd you definitely want to settle with

As a man, my answer might sound insensitive but...
Maybe if your goal isn't to have a relationship/wife/mother goal? Rather, have a goal of a happy, productive life.

Putting the thread title aside, the OP asks, "...at what point do you start chipping away at your Must Have list?"

As a woman, if your goal is to be a wife and mother and if you're in your mid to late thirties, you begin to re-evaluate this "list."

Biological clocks are real. If your intent is to be a mother, women aren't afforded the luxury of waiting until they're 45 years old to have a biological child.

I'm 37. I want to be a mother. I'm re-evaluating. Tick-tock.

This has nothing to do with the OP, of course, but it's pretty darn funny.

- Saul

Saul, when I read your posts I always read them in Brian's voice. In my head obviously, not out loud, that would be weird.

Back to the post. I didn't settle and by now the baby boat has most probably set sail for me. I just couldn't bear the prospect of being with someone I didn't want to be with, and worst case scenario, the marriage limps on and you're stuck with that person long after little jnr has grown up and left home.

Do what makes you happiest as you go along, no one knows what will happen in the future and that way you can look back without beating yourself up. Eggs or no eggs.