In Your Opinion: When is it OK to accept a gift?


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DreamingOfJustice is offline DreamingOfJustice Post #1  August 30,2009, 6:52pm
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Good Sunday Evening!

I'm simply curious...would you accept a gift during an early phase of a relationship? What sort of gift is appropriate, in your opinion or experience?

Speaking for myself:

I've sent thank you notes after dinners; and I believe in the occasional small, casual gesture such as picking up his favourite ice cream, or preparing a special meal...but I'm a bit reticent about receiving jewelry, elaborate flowers ..I like to do favours and give of my time as tokens of esteem..

How about you?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #2  August 30,2009, 7:21pm
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It all depends on the context. For example, flowers on a first date a nice gesture and I have done that before in the past. I recently, after seeing a tweet by the girl I have been going out with as of late about a concert, bought two tickets to the concert. I don't see anything wrong with this.

On the other hand, I wouldn't buy her jewelry or anything elaborate at this time. We were in our Mutual favorite record store this weekend in Austin (both of us collect vinyl) and there was an album she wanted so she put two of the albums she was going to get down to pay for the more expensive album. I offered to buy her the other two albums and she wouldn't let me. She made a comment that I wasn't independently wealthy (which I found mildly offensive -- mean she is right but I can afford to buy a girl a few records). I didn't argue with her and we went about the evening and had a nice time.
 
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DreamingOfJustice is offline DreamingOfJustice Post #3  August 30,2009, 7:38pm
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I think you're generous,,,but in a sincere way,,,and your lady's remark while probably well-meaning enough, might be born of a bit of discomfort on her end thats got little to do with your income.

It seems at times that some women can be a bit squirmy in regard to accepting compliments, small gestures,,,maybe because they are just learning the boundaries of the relationship?...





stevex wrote :
It all depends on the context. For example, flowers on a first date a nice gesture and I have done that before in the past. I recently, after seeing a tweet by the girl I have been going out with as of late about a concert, bought two tickets to the concert. I don't see anything wrong with this.

On the other hand, I wouldn't buy her jewelry or anything elaborate at this time. We were in our Mutual favorite record store this weekend in Austin (both of us collect vinyl) and there was an album she wanted so she put two of the albums she was going to get down to pay for the more expensive album. I offered to buy her the other two albums and she wouldn't let me. She made a comment that I wasn't independently wealthy (which I found mildly offensive -- mean she is right but I can afford to buy a girl a few records). I didn't argue with her and we went about the evening and had a nice time.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #4  August 30,2009, 8:10pm
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Have to agree the little sentimental gifts/gestures along the way is a good strategy to keep the embers burning...big gifts should be generally left for relationship milestones.
I think Steve would have won brownie points if he had waited for her birthday to present her with the albums as it would have showed he was attentive during their time together. Buying the albums on the spot may have made her feel a little subconscious about her own financial situation as if she had all the money in the world she would have purchased them all at the same time.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  August 30,2009, 8:50pm
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I have never turned down a gift. I never had any offered that were inappropriate or over the top. Flowers in the early stages are nice. Little special things that let the person know you're paying attention to conversation can mean a great deal.

I would probably have let Steve buy the records. She could always do dinner later if she felt the need.

I don't feel gifts have to be reciprocal. In fact, the gifts that were most meaningful to me (given and received) were given or received all by themselves, generally when least expected, for no reason at all, other than just because....

Nothing expensive until you're lovers, and even then, a little imagination goes further than the pocketbook, in my opinion.
 
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followmesky is offline followmesky Post #6  August 30,2009, 8:56pm
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I agree, it all depends on the context. Flowers, tickets for a date.. are fine. As far as more expensive items such as jewelry, I would not accept. In the early stages, if he's offering jewelry it gives off the vibe that he's too intense, and perhaps may be doing so, because it has worked on others.. just my humble opinion.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #7  August 30,2009, 10:18pm
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I have a friend that would often buy "gifts" for a particular man she was dating. The relationship was fairly new, less than a year old. But when the relationship failed, she took him to small claims court citing the objects that she gave him were not gifts, but sort of a down payment in the relationship.

Anyhoo, she took him to court and won but this could have all been avoided. It was quite nasty and time-consuming.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #8  August 30,2009, 10:29pm
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MCMLXXII wrote :
I have a friend that would often buy "gifts" for a particular man she was dating. The relationship was fairly new, less than a year old. But when the relationship failed, she took him to small claims court citing the objects that she gave him were not gifts, but sort of a down payment in the relationship.

Anyhoo, she took him to court and won but this could have all been avoided. It was quite nasty and time-consuming.
Wow! What a nightmare. Not very nice. I'm surprised she won. But that begs the question I was having: What is the sincerity of the person giving the gifts. Are these "down payments" or something given out of kindness only?
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #9  August 30,2009, 10:45pm
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I think gifts should be appropriate for the timescale, flowers are always a nice gesture no matter what stage of dating you're in, but to me jewelery implies a relationship at a certain point.
I suppose it depends a great deal on the jewelery, something expensively elegant is a good way to make a statement if a person isn't great at verbalizing such things, but to give something that might be seen as major when the relationship maybe isn't in a major place? I don't know, to me it just feels odd, like trying too hard or buying my way in.

Maybe that's why i'm single, i should give diamonds on the second date.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #10  August 30,2009, 11:00pm
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MCMLXXII wrote :
I have a friend that would often buy "gifts" for a particular man she was dating. The relationship was fairly new, less than a year old. But when the relationship failed, she took him to small claims court citing the objects that she gave him were not gifts, but sort of a down payment in the relationship.

Anyhoo, she took him to court and won but this could have all been avoided. It was quite nasty and time-consuming.
I had a girlfriend that started talking breach of contract when our relationship broke down. The only thing it did for me was convince me that the breakdown was a good thing and speed up the recovery process.
My last girlfriend cited every last drink she'd bought me when we broke up, i hadn't bothered to keep a list of things i'd done for her because they were things i'd done for my girlfriend, but it did leave an extremely sour taste to realize she'd thought she was buying me every time she bought me a pint.
 
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