spacecapsule is offline spacecapsule Post #1  August 30,2009, 6:32pm

I hate ****ed eHarmony!

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As some may know from my previous posts, I have not been very successful in the past in regards to dating. I have recently been going to therapy in attempt to overcome some anxiety/depression issues I have been wrestling with. That being said, I am still struggling with finding those places to strike up a conversation with women. My therapist suggested I go to a large church or join a gym. I am uneasy about both of these options, as I have tried the church route, and I was just a face in a crowd, the one guy there by himself. As for the gym, I am not sure I am willing or able to pay for the monthly membership fee for something I have the ability to do at home for free just in the hopes of meeting new people. Yet again, I have squandered another weekend, and feel guilty about doing so, but I just can not seem to must the motivation to get out and try these things. I just hate putting myself out there and being the only single person there (which really just amplifies feelings of inferiority and worthlessness ... the exact feelings I am trying to overcome. I just need some advice on maybe some quick and easy outlets for meeting new people.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #2  August 30,2009, 6:40pm
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Does your city have a bustling downtown nightlife?

Have you logged onto meetup dot com to see what groups are available in your area?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  August 30,2009, 6:44pm
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Make friendships with other guys. A group of lions are much more likely to interact with the pride than a lone cub.
The side benefits; friendships, activities to do things, self-confidence, and watching how these other guys interact with the ladies.
 
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sammy2003 is offline sammy2003 Post #4  August 30,2009, 9:49pm
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I have had luck at dog parks And if you don't have a dog see if you can borrow a friend's dog.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #5  August 31,2009, 10:02am
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1) Smile. That's my advice. Look at people - wherever you are and smile. Ok, maybe not in NYC, but everywhere else. You can go to all sorts of places, and if you have a nervous, lonely look on your face you will not draw people to you. Go to the supermarket today, or a college campus, or mall, and practice smiling as you pass people. Look them in the eye, and don't look away.

2) Stop thinking about how they are seeing you and waiting for someone to want to be with you. Look for someone standing alone, and say hi & make a comment. This will never be 100% successful, but if you want to meet people, you need to do it. If you want a friend (or girlfriend) you need to be a friend.

3) Don't stop trying. Go numerous times to the same places (different days bring different people) and if you don't succeed there, try visiting a different church, mall, museum, mini-golf, meet up, etc.

4) Sammy's right. Dogs are people magnets. Walk a friendly one, and learn to make conversation with strangers.
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #6  August 31,2009, 10:17am
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Join a soccer league, or softball, or anything that'll get you involved with humans. You'll go out afterwards, and that'll help.

Physical exertion is a must. If you're anxious, nothing will relax you better than a good, long run, or a hearty workout. And if you're frustrated, work it out on the punching bag.

Then, when that tension is released, none of that other crap will seem so bad.

It sucks to get out-of-touch like that. Believe it or not, I was like that for a while in college. Not sure there's anything worse than feeling like you're stuck on Planet Earth, Population 1.

Heck, get a dog and walk her around the park. Golden Retrievers are the best dogs in the world, they chase balls and dive in the water, and everybody loves them.


- Saul
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #7  August 31,2009, 11:28am
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I am going to agree with what others have said. Try to make some friends or meet people with similar interests as you. meetup.com is a great way to do that. First off it will help you get over some of the anxiety issues to have people who you feel comfortable talking to. It will also give you a group of guys to hang out with in public places and increase your chance of meeting a nice lady.

I wish you the best of luck. Believe me, I have been in your same position many times in the past. I am not a church man, I am not a gym guy, and I was never much of a party dude. So trying to meet women and even guy friends has always been a bit of a struggle. I have been lucky though that through my hobbies I have been able to meet a number of people. I also am politically active, and while that might not be something that interests you, I might suggest community service or other organizations that do good things in your community. This will give you the opportunity to meet a lot of diverse and interesting people (hopefully) while at the same time allow you to give back to your community.
 
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spacecapsule is offline spacecapsule Post #8  August 31,2009, 2:51pm

I hate ****ed eHarmony!

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I tried meetup.com for my area and found absolutely nothing that interested me. Of course there were only a handful of groups.
 
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