soxfan1513 is offline soxfan1513 Post #1  August 30,2009, 3:47pm
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Question for all of you out there. I am separated, divorce is in process however; not finalized. When is the most appropriate time to inform your date of this information? The few dates that I have been on, I have hesitiated giving up this info because quite frankly I dont know how to tell the other person. I am concerned with rejection becasue of my personal situation.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  September 1,2009, 1:31pm
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I think it is something you should bring up as soon as possible. Some people will have a serious problem with dating someone who's divorce is not final yet as they will see it as cheating since you are indeed still married. The longer you wait, the more deceitful you will look, IMO.
 
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Diann1950 is online now Diann1950 Post #3  September 1,2009, 1:49pm
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I don't even look at anyone who doesn't list himself as single, divorced or widowed. If I were to find out differently that would be quick halt to what ever was happening. Clear the decks first, then date.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  September 1,2009, 1:54pm
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Some people have a major problem with that and some people don't care. Disclose it immediately.

Someone who has a problem with that will reject you anyway - all you are doing is delaying rejection and wasting your time and theirs. Someone who does not care won't care either way, but may be put off if you wait too long to tell them. You have a lot more to lose by not disclosing immediately.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  September 1,2009, 1:54pm
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soxfan1513 wrote :
Question for all of you out there. I am separated, divorce is in process however; not finalized. When is the most appropriate time to inform your date of this information? The few dates that I have been on, I have hesitiated giving up this info because quite frankly I dont know how to tell the other person. I am concerned with rejection becasue of my personal situation.
i wouldnt date someone that is separated. my second question would be how long divorced. if it was recent, say, within the last year, i wouldn't date them either.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #6  September 1,2009, 2:18pm
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Tell them ASAP. They deserve to know.
The real question is, are you dating for casual fun/to pass the time? Or are you looking for another LTR?
If casual dates are what you're looking for, then you have to bring this up too. Too many people go with the assumption that a date is a prelude to a LTR. And most soon-to-be divorced people have no interest in this.

If your answer is a LTR, I'd advise you to stop what you're doing and ask yourself "what's the rush?". LTRs are not necessarily the most healthy thing a person can do when getting out of a marriage. For themselves and the person they're dating.
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #7  September 1,2009, 4:35pm
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Tell them right way. Any impression that you withheld that info would compound problems and possibly show yourself to be decitful and not ready to date. I'd also be honest with them, and yourself, as to your emotional availability and what you truly are capable of and looking for in regards to a relationship, dating, friends with bennies, platonic pals etc.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #8  September 1,2009, 4:41pm
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I didn't date at all while going through my divorce (because I considered myself still married - which I was). If you are going to date while separated I would tell people up front - they have a right to know and decide if they want to proceed.
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #9  September 1,2009, 5:19pm
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Please disclose this before a date. I do not date people who are still married-which is what you are. Please do not go out and not tell people-this is terribly dishonest.

I do not understand what your hurry is to date. Settle the divorce, get yourself in a good place and then date.
 
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singinggirl is online now singinggirl Post #10  September 1,2009, 6:57pm
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They should know before they agree to go out with you at all. It would be a dealbreaker for me if I found out that someone was still married (which you are) after we had already gone out. If I knew beforehand, I might be willing to wait for you to get your life straightened out. Either way, I wouldn't date a still married person, which is what you are if you are separated.
 
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