How to say thanks but no thanks in the best way possible


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nictuck is offline nictuck Post #1  August 30,2009, 3:27pm
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When it comes to meeting people the first couple of times, I've always run into this issue. How to get the point across that, you like them, but not enough to move to the next level.

Being open and honest is the best policy, but I really hate hurting someone feelings, or making them feel they aren't good enough.

Any suggestions for a scenario like this. After a second date its clear'ish to me its probably not going to work, but its been a good date. How do I go about telling the other person, and not hurt their feelings, that there won't be a 3rd date. Advice? Experiences? Phone call, email, or in person? I'd rather say something because I know how it hurts when someone just straight up ignores you.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks!
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  September 1,2009, 1:35pm
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You are going to hurt someone's feelings no matter what you do or say, unless they are also not interested and feel the same way. The best approach is to just be direct so you aren't leaving someone hanging to ultimately come to their own conclusion that they have been rejected.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  September 1,2009, 2:00pm
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The times when I have had to do this I have told that person as soon as I knew, and it has always been face to face.

I have just told them that it was great meeting them and enjoyed their company (if it was and if I did) but I just didn't feel a connection.

Reactions vary.
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #4  September 1,2009, 2:06pm
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[Quote] How do I go about telling the other person, and not hurt their feelings, that there won't be a 3rd date. Advice? [Quote]

It's me . . . not you.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  September 1,2009, 2:09pm
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No compliments, no sugar coating, don't saying anything positive about them, nothing. After all, they aren't that great or you'd be interested in them. A simple "I'm not interested in you" is all that is necessary. Accept that they will have hurt feelings. It isn't rude to be honest.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  September 1,2009, 3:41pm
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I tend to think honesty with a little tact is the best way to go in this situation. It isn't necessary to be rude, but it is necessary to be clear that you just don't think there is any potential for a relationship.

Sometimes hurt feelings will be the result, and sometimes they won't be. The potential for that is always there, but I find that a little tact goes a long way in minimizing that possibility.
 
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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #7  September 1,2009, 4:22pm
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I will always let the person know if I don't feel that we have potential even if we only went out once. I don't like doing it but fading away could potentially hurt the person even more. I usually send them a nice message the next day letting them know that it was great to finally meet them and that I had a nice time. I may say something nice about them but let them know that I didn't feel that we had a connection. Then wish them the best of luck! I really hate having to do it but I will say that I appreciate it when someone pays me the same courtesy. It saves me from a week of checking my messages, making excuses for the other person (maybe he's busy?), then realizing that he is not going to call, then moving on.

nictuck you seem like a nice guy!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  September 1,2009, 4:38pm
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You could always tell her that you've decided you are gay ...

What? Oh, c'mon! It would work!
 
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Ron is offline Ron Post #9  September 1,2009, 4:47pm
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I absolutely agree that being direct and honest is the best approach, all the while using a little common sense and tact. (I prefer this to the silent "s/he'll get the message" treatment, which to me is discourteous and disrespectful.)

From my own experience (of dropping and being dropped), I think the least awkward medium is email. Depending on the people and circumstances, a phone or in-person conversation may be more appropriate. However you choose to deliver the news, make it short and polite: You enjoyed meeting the person, you don't feel that there is sufficient compatibility to continue, and you wish them all the best.

Taking this step may seem awkward or uncomfortable at the moment, but in the big scheme of things, it passes quickly.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #10  September 1,2009, 5:07pm
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Ron wrote :
I absolutely agree that being direct and honest is the best approach, all the while using a little common sense and tact. (I prefer this to the silent "s/he'll get the message" treatment, which to me is discourteous and disrespectful.)

From my own experience (of dropping and being dropped), I think the least awkward medium is email. Depending on the people and circumstances, a phone or in-person conversation may be more appropriate. However you choose to deliver the news, make it short and polite: You enjoyed meeting the person, you don't feel that there is sufficient compatibility to continue, and you wish them all the best.

Taking this step may seem awkward or uncomfortable at the moment, but in the big scheme of things, it passes quickly.
But at the same time, telling the person they are great and you had a nice time is dishonest.You would want a second date if the person was great and you had a good time.
 
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