Having an alcoholic beverage...?


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Mystified101 is offline Mystified101 Post #1  August 30,2009, 3:20pm
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Hi,
I've been dating someone that is absolutely against drinking. I enjoy a cocktail or a beer now and then. I've gone out with my co-workers maybe 2-3 times in the past year (where most of them go every Friday). I need to get home because I'm a single parent, I don't have the time or the luxury of all this spare time to do whatever. The last few times he has been over to my house, he has gone through my "recycables" and pointed out that there were a few empty beer cans in there, etc. He gets "really mad", calls me an alcholic. He does not drink because he is a diabetic, also says that his dad and brother have almost been killed by drunk drivers so he is really against it. Well, it isn't like I'm getting loaded every Friday night and driving home. I might have a cocktail on a Friday night at home or a beer during a football game. If I do meet out with my friends (very rarely), I will have at the MOST 2 drinks with dinner. I don't get it, he really gets on my case about this? Is this extreme, is it control? Is this just plain weird? I have girlfriends that go home and drink wine with dinner every night or party every weekend. I used to do more of that when I was a single college kid or just married without kids, but not anymore. Thoughts out there?????
Thanks!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 30,2009, 3:23pm
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youre just dating this guy and he is going through your trash and criticizing your habits? uh no.
 
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Wittyname is offline Wittyname Post #3  August 30,2009, 3:24pm
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He goes through your garbage looking for evidence of what are transgressions (in his mind), after which he becomes angry and abusive.

Simply put: He's a control freak who is going to try and hammer you into his ideal whether you're interested in that or not.

My opinion of course, I could be wrong.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  August 30,2009, 3:26pm
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Classic case of someone projecting their values on you. He gets mad!? He accuses you of being an alcoholic?
I think you're not compatible. It's not about the drinking either. This is a basic issue of acceptance, understanding, reasonable thought. If someone can't accept someone else, including the fact that they enjoy a drink every once in a while, then they should find someone with the same values and not try to change you.
Dump him then have a shot of tequila as a celebration.
 
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grneydldy is offline grneydldy Post #5  August 30,2009, 3:30pm
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Run, do not walk, away from this man. No person should be going through another's trash. One or two drinks a night wouldn't make you an alcoholic much less one or two drinks in a 'blue moon.' If he is this judgmental now, how much more so might he become if you married him and he felt more in control of you? (I'm only referring to this specific man, not men in general.)
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #6  August 30,2009, 3:40pm
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I agree greydidy... You won't hear the end of it unless you quit drinking. I would quit seeing this person, you are not a good match and it sounds like he has overstepped a boundry there.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  August 30,2009, 3:41pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Nanette wrote :
youre just dating this guy and he is going through your trash and criticizing your habits? uh no.
Really. OP: you don't see any 'red flags' here?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #8  August 30,2009, 4:17pm
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jayjay wrote :
Really. OP: you don't see any 'red flags' here?
I completely agree.

He's going through your recyclables now, so what's next?

He has issues with drunk drivers, which is fine, but he's blowing his issue out of proportion, putting them on you, and making the whole thing your problem. Is he going to have issues about what's in your medicine cabinet next? Or your pantry? Or your refrigerator?

If this is how he is when he's just dating you, then how do you think it will be if you get into a committed relationship with him?

In your shoes, I'd be cutting him loose and enjoying a glass of wine.
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #9  August 30,2009, 4:26pm
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I completely agree with everyone here. RUN AWAY... run away NOW!! He is an overbearing control freak. Say you quit drinking for him. I guarantee that he will then find something ELSE to browbeat you about until you give in to his controlling whims. This man could even turn out to be an abuser-- a physical abuser, I mean. This is how it starts.

If he has that big of a problem with alcohol, then he should put that in his profile (if you met him online). He should only date women who don't drink. But I agree, this is NOT about the drinking. It's about control. I would get him out of your life IMMEDIATELY for your own safety.
 
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Mystified101 is offline Mystified101 Post #10  August 30,2009, 4:32pm
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OMG!! Brneyedangel, you brought up a great point. He has already said something about the pictures I have all over my refrigerator. He is mad that most of them are of my daughter (I only have one), and there are not any of him on there, much less any where else around the house. He "wants" to see pictures of him all over.....
Whoa. My daughter likes him, he does have his good points, and has helped me with many things, etc. but does that make him a really bad person? He has his values, just different than mine, someone mentioned he might become a physical abuser.....? I've never dealt with anyone like this before, so are these definite signs of serious control?
 
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