Green Lights? Red Lights?


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lovesearchonline is offline lovesearchonline Post #1  August 30,2009, 9:55am
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Hello:

My situation is a bit complicated (i suppose everyone's is too) but here it goes.

I recently met a man from an online community, originally looking for activity partners. He responded my ad with am almost essay length intro also indicated that he is looking for "Long Term Relationship". A week into heavy email exchanging (meaning we write back and forth on a daily bases), we moved our conversation to chats and phone and by fourth week, we were talking on the phone every night for at least one hour a night. He purposed to meet finally on the fourth week and we had an awesome first date on a hiking trail that we spent more than 7 hours together on that single outing, he held my hand minutes after going on the trail and we had that perfect first kiss on the trail as well. By the end of the day, we made out a little with some kissing and ended the date with great kisses as well. I was for sure he'd call me or say something at least. The odd thing was, during our month long communication, he was never once indicated that he has children (which does not bother me and in fact, i think a man's character shines when he is a father), or a lesbian wife that he is ready to divorce that still lives in his guest house. After consideration several factors and the new information he had given me on our first date, I wrote him an email with appreciation to our date and my take on the new information he had given me and wish to proceed slowly. I did not hear from him till a week later via an email, basically said that he thought the date went well and that in fact he enjoyed it very much. He also confessed that he had thought a lot about whether he was ready and have the time to be emotionally involved with someone (which was contradiction to what he said at the end of our date, he was very definite that he was ready for one). He did not initiate contact again till one night, i was online and happened to see him online. He seem distant but still replied my chat. Finally i said that I would be very happy to hear his voice and asked if he'd like to talk on the phone again, he said he'd like that. So i called him after and we had a great chat for almost an hour. The next day, due to a cancel date with another friend, i called him up and asked if he'd like to grab some dinner together, he was happy to hear from me so we went out shopping for his stuff and had had dinner. He invited himself back into my place, with the cuddling, kissing, and talk about getting intimate (because we both see it coming), long story short, i initiated the next two outings (for a total of four dates, with him initiating first), we seem to get along and have great physical and emotional chemistry. We cuddled, we talked, we kissed, and he always walked me to the front door and said good bye with a passionate kiss (not a peck on the chick). It' has been a week since the last time we saw each other. I was inviting him to a play because i got a pair of tickets from a friend, he said he is committed for that specific time and did not offer to meet some other time. I emailed him back and letting him know that I respect and understand he needs time with his children and that the fact i don't want to overwhelming him physically and mentally, i would also like to treat him the way he wants to be treated. I asked him to share with me what is a reasonable time if i were to invite him to do something together and that if he prefers an advance invitation or last minute notice. I would love to and very much want to respect and trust he will do the best for his children and/or while dealing with his soon to be ex and the emotional turn boils laying within him. But I am not sure if I am getting the green lights or redlights here? He is not rejecting the idea of going out with me but he is also not active about it. In fact, i purposed that we could perhaps read a book together that we are both interested after his children are in bed at night so he is not away from them and we are motivated to read the book. He seems to be very thrill about it. Am I being too giving and allowing him too much space? I'd like to think he needs time to figure out what he needs and wants. However, he going "void" hurts me.

P.S: On our third date, we were cooking at his place and there she is (the soon to be ex wife). I was not introduced, nor was she. I walked up to her and introduced myself, we chatted a minute and I invited her to join us for dinner. She kindly rejected my offer and said someone is waiting for her. I commended to him that it was a bit weird and I did not expect to meet her. He said I handled it well with class. I was given the feeling that he did not know how to handle this as of yet.
Last edited by lovesearchonline; August 30,2009 at 10:11am. Reason: note
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 30,2009, 10:34am
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this guy would not even be on my radar as someone that i would willingly get involved with. first of all, he is still married and concealed this important fact from you. you kept contacting him so he responded.

i dont know when he revealed this additional info to you but i would be thoroughly p*ssed off if i had made out with him and then he dropped this bomb.

the whole sitch at his house is strange imo. i would be so done with this one.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #3  August 30,2009, 10:56am
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Drop this clown like a really bad disease!!!! Move on to better things that are un-attatched(lol).
Ask yourself what comes next here?? You will see the door at the end of this tunnel..

Laugh every single day
 
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xerilady is offline xerilady Post #4  August 30,2009, 11:06am
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The things people get themselves into amaze me. How's your gut taking this? Do you ever go inward and ask yourself about this?
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #5  August 30,2009, 11:09am
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got married!

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I vote for shorter paragraphs for easier reading.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  August 30,2009, 11:41am
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Read your post back to yourself - you are chasing after him despite the fact that he lied to you, despite the fact that he is still married, despite the fact that he is going through emotional chaos, despite the fact that he does not really respond to you, etc. Why are you doing this to yourself? The only reason he gives you the time of day is because you insist on it. You are telling him "please use me" and he is saying "well....if you really insist, OK." The writing is on the wall for this one - he is not in a place to have a relationship and the best you'll ever be is a crutch who gets him through the divorce. Is that what you really want? I would hope not.
 
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