How's that workin' out for ya?


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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #1  August 29,2009, 1:14pm
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is Mrs. Rix! At last!

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I've been thinking a lot more about what self-defeating habits or attitudes I have regarding dating and finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.

For instance, when I was on eH, I wanted to put off meeting for as long as possible until I could get to know the guy via email and possibly the phone. I didn't have a lot of hopes for the men I reached OC with, so I wasn't really motivated. But still I kind of laugh at myself that I thought I would get to know the guys by letter writing, when I have never known men to be very good letter writers. (No offense intended, I know there are exceptions, I just haven't met many men who could last more that 3 or 4 letters before they lose interest, or I do.) So it was pretty silly given my own experience that I pushed off calling or meeting these guys until I lost all interest in them.

IRL I have another self-defeating habit. I meet some guys who are witty and like to push my buttons. I enjoy flirting, but after awhile I realize that my conversations with them are pretty shallow & never result in a date. I don't know if it is the men I'm flirting with that is the mistake or that like Billy Joel, most guys ultimately don't want witty conversation, they just want someone they can talk to. In any case, it isn't working for me.

Then I am always hearing people look around & say "There's no available people around here," but don't try somewhere else. My question is, do you find you are doing anything in hopes of getting a date, that isn't bringing the desired results?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  August 29,2009, 1:41pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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librarybabe wrote :
I meet some guys who are witty and like to push my buttons. I enjoy flirting, but after awhile I realize that my conversations with them are pretty shallow & never result in a date. I don't know if it is the men I'm flirting with that is the mistake or that like Billy Joel, most guys ultimately don't want witty conversation, they just want someone they can talk to. In any case, it isn't working for me.
Hmm...I thought the main point of flirting, pushing women's buttons and being witty was to get dates.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #3  August 29,2009, 1:42pm
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WOW! Librarybabe you really opened up some interesting and thought provoking items here. Give me a minute and I will try to see where this thread leads me.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #4  August 29,2009, 1:45pm
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Are you saying in effect that you were setting yourself up for failure by waiting too long??
 
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Diann1950 is online now Diann1950 Post #5  August 29,2009, 2:11pm
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Perhaps we are over thinking this whole thing. The temptation is to make too much of the opportunities and missed ones in ways we wouldn't have when younger.
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #6  August 29,2009, 2:32pm
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Good point Diann...

But to answer the Babe, I would say that I have a jam packed schedule and have been out every weekend (and 2-3 weeknights) since early June and even though I have met a slew of new friends and acquaintances, still no 'official' dates from that pool. Only dates from dating sites.. go figure. The only reason I am in this weekend is because Danny (the darn storm) canceled the trip I paid for and my 2 back ups also feel through!

I did notice last weekend that I get awfully shy when I am physically attracted to somebody. I talk to everybody, but completely stumble and act disinterested with people that interest me.. GO FIGURE!! I will now be more attentive since I need a dating break. Let the data gathering begin.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #7  August 29,2009, 5:47pm
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Great topic (and I like the quote, LOL).

I think one of my nonproductive dating behaviors has been trying to 'figure a guy out' and determine whether I fit into his life, before I really get to know him. Perhaps I expect too much effort from him, too soon.

The result has been that the guys I've continued dating have declared their intentions and put forth amazingly good effort early on in the relationship. And...they are *big surprise* obsessive.

Yes, folks. I'm a little slow to catch on. And thank you for reminding me of this!
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #8  August 29,2009, 5:58pm
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Lacedwithhope were they truly "obsessive" or just self-centered??
 
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BuzWeaver is offline BuzWeaver Post #9  August 29,2009, 6:06pm
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If you're not catching fish, you may want to check your bait.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #10  August 29,2009, 6:07pm
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I sometimes make myself unavailable. Thee are times when I know I could rearrange things to make a date possible, and although I might really like the guy, I don't put forth the effort to make it possible. There are days when I "just don't feel like it". That doesn't work for me. But in my defense, I always try to leave the door open with a "maybe some other time".
 
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