CompSciGuy is offline CompSciGuy Post #1  August 27,2009, 9:28pm
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Hi everyone! I've never been on these boards before, but I think it's time I try to get some outside opinions on a situation I'm currently in. I had a first date with a great woman I met on eHarmony, and our date went well enough for that first kiss, but the problem I'm having is that I'm confused as to if there is chemistry or not between us, and I'm not sure if I'm just psyching myself out or not.

I haven't dated in close to three years, partially because university has taken pretty much all of my free time, and partially because my last (and first) relationship was about as bad as it could get (I was basically treated worse than dirt for ten months and it took a lot of time for me to feel up to dating again). How this relates to the current situation is I'm not sure if there actually is no chemistry (we actually got along really well), or if I'm just worried about taking another chance at getting burned. I have this feeling that unless I go on a date that is essentially the most fun I've had in my life, a part of me won't be convinced its worth my time, as all my past experiences were pretty bad, and may have left me with unreasonably high expectations.

I know that I can't judge things from a first date, and I'm not going to pull the plug based on this, but I was just curious if anyone could give me perspective on my problem... since I haven't dated in forever, am I looking at this the wrong way? Is there anything I can do? Does my hesitation seem normal, given the circumstances?

Thanks in advance to anyone who can offer up their two cents!
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  August 28,2009, 11:46am
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Sounds like a case of "Once bitten, twice shy."


It must have been a good enough time (and enough chemistry) to get to the point of a first kiss. Why else would you kiss her? Did you not want to?

I think you are way over-analyzing things after one date. If you are not a good match, that might become apparent over time, but now you are wiser that it won't take 10 months of being treated badly...unless you allow that! If you let someone treat you badly, they will continue to do so. Try to relax and enjoy your dates--you don't have to make up your mind about whether you have enough chemistry after one date. You can go on a few and see if something sparks or builds slowly even.

Good luck!
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  August 28,2009, 11:58am
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None of us can tell you if there's chemistry there or not since none of us were there. But you kissed and that's, well, chemistry!

Yes. You have very little experience and you're far removed from being in 'the game'. So all your fears are typical.

"I have this feeling that unless I go on a date that is essentially the most fun I've had in my life, a part of me won't be convinced its worth my time, as all my past experiences were pretty bad, and may have left me with unreasonably high expectations."

Yeah. Bad idea. Change this feeling.
You seem to have the wrong idea in dating IMHO. Rather than thinking this is the beginning of the end of your dating life (meaning this girl might be "the one" and you'll never have to meet someone else again), just relax and HAVE FUN! If it becomes something bigger, great. If it doesn't work out-NO PROBLEM. Line up other dates (now) with more women. You can and should get to learn how different people are like. In the mean time, you'll be having fun and won't put so much pressure on one particular person.
 
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