How much lateness do you tolerate?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
JDavid is offline JDavid Post #1  August 27,2009, 8:00am
JDavid's Avatar

Changed Status -- Success Story

Community Leader Alum

Joined: May 2009

Ozarks of northern Arkansas

Posts: 382

See profile

In one of the threads there was discussion of a date being very late and consistently late.

shoopthedoop wrote :
She showed up late every time we met, including 45 minutes late the last time we met.

JDavid wrote :
If a person ("date" or otherwise) was that late (or consistently late) meeting me they would meet alone.

People treat you (generic term) like you "tell" them to treat you (with words or actions).

Anyone who tolerates poor treatment is likely to find exactly that, repeatedly. By refusing to be the recipient of inconsiderate or inappropriate actions, either the behavior changes or the person is "shown the door". Either works.

A key factor in most interactions -- do not negotiate from a position of weakness -- have or create alternatives.

Edited to add: She would already have my "feedback" -- directly and unmistakably.

What are your thoughts on the matter?
 
  Reply With Quote
TrueStory is offline TrueStory Post #2  August 27,2009, 10:50am
TrueStory's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2008

Miami

Posts: 16

See profile

Jdavid,


There are two reasons people are late:

Circumstances outside of control (traffic accident, flat tire, etc).


Lack of respect for waiting party.

Do I need to say more?
 
  Reply With Quote
Duskin5 is offline Duskin5 Post #3  August 27,2009, 12:21pm
Duskin5's Avatar

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

I met a woman like that through eHarmony last year. I'd never been out with a chronically late woman before and I don't plan on doing it again. She was extremely self-centered and self-absorbed and I suppose that was part of the root cause of her lateness. She was above average looking for a 31-year-old, and I suspect she may have been very good looking when she was younger before her looks started to fade, so she probably got used to getting away with treating people this way. I feel sorry for any guy who gets stuck with her.
 
  Reply With Quote
stevex is offline stevex Post #4  August 27,2009, 1:40pm
stevex's Avatar

Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Austin, TX

Posts: 1,297

See profile

My tolerance level varies on the situation.

Example:

My first date in over 6 months was last weekend. As I said in the date roundup thread we had agreed to meet at 6:30, due to work circumstances on my part I called two hours prior and arranged to meet her at 7. She ended up being about 10 minutes late.

Now A) she was polite enough to understand my work obligations and made no fuss about it B) she is going to college here but isn't from around here and had never been to the restaurant we were meeting at. So I called a good friend of mine while waiting, we had a nice short chat and all was well.

10-15 minutes is no big deal to me, I am pretty laid back and never the kind of guy to get up tight over time. I will probably wait an hour before leaving and never seeing her again. 45 minutes and I will wait but if she has no good reason than it is a strike and if it happened again I would put her with those who have no respect and move on. 30 minutes a few times before I moved on. but 10 and 15 minutes I can and will live with.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  August 27,2009, 1:54pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

If she's more than 3 weeks late I start getting worried.
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  August 27,2009, 1:59pm
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,318

See profile

jayjay wrote :
If she's more than 3 weeks late I start getting worried.
Maybe you should get snipped.
 
  Reply With Quote
mess is offline mess Post #7  August 27,2009, 2:03pm
mess's Avatar

lurking...

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Kentucky

Posts: 7

See profile

If a guy is late chronically or otherwise, I won't stick around. There are extenuating circumstances of course, but if something "comes up" all the time, I find it just plain rude.
 
  Reply With Quote
meri75 is offline meri75 Post #8  August 27,2009, 2:33pm
meri75's Avatar

really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Australia

Posts: 5,112

See profile

I don't tolerate a lack of punctuality at all. To me, this means a person who has agreed to a meeting at a certain time and fails to arrive on time, due to either a lack of respect or inability to manage his/her time appropriately. Both are unattractive traits.

I don't lump in to the above those who are late due to circumstances beyond their control.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  August 27,2009, 4:23pm
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,376

See profile

Its probably best that people find someone who matches them on this criteria if it's important to them.

Someone who lives by the military precision of timing and can't tolerate someone being even one minute late will be happiest with someone who lives likewise, just as someone who believes "better late than never" will be happiest with someone with a similar outlook.

Neither one is superior to the other. It's just one more way in which people are diverse.
 
  Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #10  August 27,2009, 4:30pm
shoopthedoop's Avatar

is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Edmonton

Posts: 915

See profile

stevex wrote :
10-15 minutes is no big deal to me, I am pretty laid back and never the kind of guy to get up tight over time. I will probably wait an hour before leaving and never seeing her again. 45 minutes and I will wait but if she has no good reason than it is a strike and if it happened again I would put her with those who have no respect and move on. 30 minutes a few times before I moved on. but 10 and 15 minutes I can and will live with.
10 to 15 minutes on occasion is bearable. Habitually, not so much.

The 45 minutes I referred to in the thread JDavid started this thread about was close to a deal breaker, and it was definitely a factor in choosing not to meet the person again.

I'm almost always on time when meeting people. The two times I've been noticeably late (+10 minutes) in the past six months or so meeting people were both greeted with "I thought something happened to you because you are never late."
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Dating After A Long Hiatus | Dating | Enough "Red Flags" - How about "GREEN FLAGS" ??? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The tennis ball story is a good analogy, RD, and that's how I interpret "gut feeling" -- a conclusion/sense of something that's a thought, not a feeling; though it will have feelings associated with ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion

“Agree. Given where you are emotionally, I would cease all communication with Mr. Trade Show. You're vulnerable. He's up for a challenge. It's playing with fire. You'll be in a bad place in the ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Received lovely email from former poofer” discussion

“How about phone calls, then?” –  barbarella_42

Join the “Advice on Response time” discussion

“I have never spoken to a woman like he has. Yeah, I have never spoken to a woman like that either. It is a hard call to whether he is just as jerk, or whether he is a player. Both are feasible ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “So, men. Explain this to me, please!” discussion

“I have come to this same conclusion. Thank you.” –  bibittyboo

Join the “Confused about date #2” discussion

“Harmonygirl, I do not usually make up my mind on blanket situations but instead would examine each one on it's own merits, so I cannot answer your question. However, just in the going about of daily ... ” –  Ephemera

Join the “Atheism, Religion and Tolerance” discussion

“I was ok until the kiss on the cheek part....That doesn't sound like your defenses were up at all... It's one thing for a guy to walk up and start with the cheesy lines....But as soon as I say, "no ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “So this guy walks into a bar . . .” discussion

“ No. It is not wise. You have to throw all your eggs into one basket for love to work at all. Relationships are inherently riskier than careers. You can't use the same rules. You might lose ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Becoming Exclusive” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:22pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0