Leaving a good "impress"ion


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  August 26,2009, 3:00pm
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Is it just me, or are people just not all that impressive lately?

Now, I don't mean: what they do, what they make ($), what they drive, what they wear...

...what I mean is, how is it that when you're supposed to be leaving a good impression, in the very tender early days of a potential relationship that so many people reveal themselves to be complete and utter buffoons? If this is them on their "good behavior", well...it's all I can do to keep from running in the other direction!

Example: someone I've been talking with online decided that 1220am on a work night was a good time to initiate our first phone conversation. Who does this?!

On the other hand, perhaps it's better this way, at least I find out earlier than later....

Am I alone here? It could be that I expect too much out of people....
 
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grneydldy is offline grneydldy Post #2  August 26,2009, 3:07pm
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No, Lori, I don't believe you are wrong. I believe we have more fully become a 'throw away' society and many fewer people now even bother (assuming they know how) to be impressionable. It has become too easy to become lackadaisical about the entire dating process. Many men (and I would assume women, but I don't date women, so I can only surmise) have the "there's plenty of other fish in the sea" mentality. That's not to imply that I believe we should succumb to some perceived eventuality; however, it does make dating more arduous for those of us with high expectations for self and others.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #3  August 26,2009, 3:11pm
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Lori, you're right! People have not been very impressive for a while. Norms for chivalrous and/or ladylike behavior have been on an unfortunate steady decline.

Make a first phone call at one in the morning? I remember my 20s, when IM was really the numero uno way to contact people. It was not unusual to IM back and forth into the wee hours of the morning and then make a phone call to keep the momentum going. But I got away from IM many, many, many years ago. Unless agreed upon earlier, I don't make first or second phone calls past 9pm.

One theory I have on this is that people have gotten sucked into reality TV to the point where they incorporate this observed behavior into their own lives. They believe that because people on those shows are able to hook-up despite their serious hang-ups and being generally unimpressive, it is universally-acceptable behavior. Ridiculous.

I think that for many people, the problem may be that they never get feedback. For instance, if a woman dumps a guy or stops communicating with him because of the reason Lori discussed, he'll never know that was the reason. I'm not saying we should communicate to people we don't intend to pursue anything with the reason why, I'm just trying to make sense of this behavior.

I don't think you expect too much out of people, Lori. I don't know much about your preferences when it comes to dating, but I would say that in terms of common decency, never lower your standards.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  August 26,2009, 3:15pm

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huh?

Lori did you read jayjay's post about the same thing?

Is there some mysterious dating guide book out there now advising daters that doing the opposite of what is normal polite behavior is a good idea?!

Such as, call your date at 1am!!!!!!

Who is cashing in on this ridiculous idea!?
 
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Robert_inSD is offline Robert_inSD Post #5  August 26,2009, 3:19pm
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I'm aghast for you Lori,

Such a rude hour for a contact! Paying attention to your possible partner's schedule and needs is a basic requirement in any relationship.

Every person deserves respect and appreciation, for any lasting relationship. I don't care if that relationship is personal or professional. Can I symbolically bop this jerk on the head for you? What an idiot.. a "Gibbs to Denoso" slap is heading his way... (if you watch "NCIS".)

Move onward dear lady, and we all wish you the very best.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #6  August 26,2009, 3:24pm
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These people you're talking about obviously don't visit this advice site. Send them here. We'll straighten them out forthwith.

Does anyone really use that word anymore?

Or did you find it... impressive? hmmmm...
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Baggage, where does it come from? How do you get rid of it? eHarmony Advice Groups. Join the conversation:
http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/gr...s-baggage.html
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #7  August 26,2009, 3:27pm
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You aren't alone Lori. In fact, I'll see your 12:20 a.m. phone call, and I'll raise you a ringing door bell at 1:00 a.m. LAST NIGHT from a guy I chose to not pursue over the summer. Don't ask me how he found out where I live, because I only gave him my cell phone number, he never had my last name, and I'm unlisted anyway, but yeah, I was slightly less than totally thrilled (read this with the dripping sarcasm that's intended, please).

There are these things called manners that seem to be sorely lacking in the men I've been meeting lately, and I'm sure there are men who can counter and say the same thing about some of the women they've met. What has happened to common courtesy, or even common sense?

I don't think that either of us are expecting too much out of people. Sometimes I just think that either people don't know any better (I think this is rare), or they just don't realize or care how they come across to others. Whatever the reason, I'm finding myself very disenchanted with the whole thing anymore. I don't know, maybe I get frustrated because my parents raised me to be appreciative, to respect others, to have some consideration for the people around me, and they incorporated words like "please" and "thank you" into my regular vocabulary. I used to think that was normal, but maybe it's not as normal as I once thought. *sigh*
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #8  August 26,2009, 3:29pm

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okay brneyedangle, that's not rude...it's psycho! How did you handle that one!? Were you frightened!?
 
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sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #9  August 26,2009, 3:36pm
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brneyedangel wrote :
You aren't alone Lori. In fact, I'll see your 12:20 a.m. phone call, and I'll raise you a ringing door bell at 1:00 a.m. LAST NIGHT from a guy I chose to not pursue over the summer. Don't ask me how he found out where I live, because I only gave him my cell phone number, he never had my last name...
Okay, now that is beyond rude and inconsiderate! That is frickin' creepy at any hour!
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #10  August 26,2009, 3:39pm
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cp30 wrote :
okay brneyedangle, that's not rude...it's psycho! How did you handle that one!? Were you frightened!?
Yeah, I was scared, and I wasn't polite or ladylike about any of it. I flipped on the porch light, looked through the peephole, yelled through the door (no I did not open it, and yes, I can yell very loud when I'm scared and angry) that "I'm calling the cops," (yes this is the clean version of what I said, and I'm not much for swearing) which I did. The cops came, he was gone, and I did what I had to do with them from there. Oh, and I'm not staying here alone tonight--just in case.
 
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