Am I Overanalyzing The Situation?


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UnrequitedLove is offline UnrequitedLove Post #1  August 26,2009, 1:38pm
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I was matched up with a fellow on 8/1/09. Went through GC commuication in a few days. Was in OC for about a week. Started to talk over the phone for about 2 weeks. Good chemistry and similar interests, values, etc ... Overall, really GOOD COMMUNICATION and CHEMISTRY and effort from both of our ends.

So, we were planning to meet this Sunday the 30th, but impulsively we met up on Monday 24th. The date lasted for about 4.5 hours. We had a nice dinner and then went to a bar... then it went sort of downhill from there. We got into a few inappropriate coversations about exes and I made the mistake of making the comment "It seems like I don't think you're over your ex yet" and he got really defensive and irritable with me. I could see his whole demeanor change, but then instead of ending the date right then and there. We continued to talk and hang out. We took a walk after that and sat at park bench... at the end of the night he walked me to my car and I drove him back to his. He leaned over and gave me a hug...he asked me to text him when i got home and so instead of texting, I called to apologize for my inappropriateness. He said it was "water underneath the bridge and i'll call you soon".

I felt like such a douche bag, so the next morning, I sent him a quick thank you email with some nice words and an e-coffee and croissant. He emails me back thanking me and whatever... later in the afternoon he sent a quick email to see how my day was. Instead, I texted him... after some exchanges i text "are we still hanging out sun" and he replied " let's play it by ear I don't want to disappoint you if my oc motorcycle thing goes long"........

OKAY, so what's going on here? If I didn't see him on Monday, we would of still had plans on Sunday...evening (I did know of the motorcycle thing though, but I didn't think it was going to take up his "whole" day")...then it's this whole "I'll call you soon" thing, which leads me to believe that it is just a nice way of ending things.

I'm just so confused and really need a different perspective. Any advice, on what I should do? I guess at the end, it is what it is and I'll eventually know if he decides to call or not....

But what happened to all the chemistry before we the infamous bar moment? Am I overanalyzing the situation?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 26,2009, 1:41pm
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Yes
 
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metamucilmuffin is offline metamucilmuffin Post #3  August 26,2009, 1:43pm
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Yes, you are overanalyzing. He said it was water under the bridge, and you have to believe him. As for these scheduling problems, sometimes life does get in the way. Don't be that needy, clingy person who waits by the phone - go on with your activities, and if he can join you later, great! He'll find you more attractive if he knows the sun doesn't rise and set on him.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #4  August 26,2009, 3:03pm
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I think you are missing the most important thing here. Your perception that he probably isn't over his ex yet was spot on... the proof is his reaction.

I would find someone who doesn't still carry this kind of baggage.
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #5  August 26,2009, 3:16pm
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In terms of gauging his interest, you are overanalyzing things just a bit. Probably because you still feel badly about commenting on his not being over his ex.

Let things develop naturally. If it's truly "water under the bridge" and the date generally went as well as you described, there should be a second date. Also, he's communicating with you after the first date, which is usually a good sign.

Relax
 
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logicalmind is offline logicalmind Post #6  August 26,2009, 5:12pm
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sounds to me like you did the over-analyzing on the first date...not to throw fire on the pit or anything.....I can raise my hand and say that I have done that a few times in my 15 years of dating...yes I have....and scared every one of those fine young men away, too...oh well. I haven't helped at all, have I?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #7  August 26,2009, 5:30pm
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If he said it's water under the bridge, believe him.

One thing that I know drives guys nuts is when the two of you have discussed and resolved an issue, then she brings it back up again. And again. Guys (in general, not all...) tend to be big fans of letting sleeping dogs lie when it comes to emotional issues.

Does it probably bug him a little still? Maybe, maybe not. You just have to see how he acts the next time you see him. But just relax. If it bugs him that much after you've already apologized, either he's pretty sensitive or your comment rang a little too true.
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #8  August 26,2009, 5:37pm
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
I think you are missing the most important thing here. Your perception that he probably isn't over his ex yet was spot on... the proof is his reaction.

I would find someone who doesn't still carry this kind of baggage.
Yup. Plus with all of the follow up white knuckling you've been doing, he's now not only in the driver's seat at this point, you're pretty much running alongside the car. No loss though, as he's still raw over his ex. I'd abort this mission.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #9  August 26,2009, 9:02pm
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You say you felt really bad the next day and seem to be beating yourself up over it, has the chemistry really changed or are you just seeing (and reacting to it) differently because you think you annoyed him?
Last edited by gothustartus; August 26,2009 at 9:15pm. Reason: typo
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #10  August 26,2009, 9:23pm
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Yeah, I'd have to say you are way over-analyzing. He said it OK so quit bugging him about it, or it WON'T be OK!

Let him make the next contact, or you are going to come off as needy (if you don't already).

If he doesn't call, then you have your answer. And I would comment that "chemisty" on the first date is way overrated. It doesn't mean squat. So stop thinking about that "great chemistry."

Also, IMHO, that is why people shouldn't go out to bars on a date... you don't know what inappropriate comments can come out after a couple of drinks! :-)
 
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