Possibly regretting past questionable relationship. Am I right too?


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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #1  August 26,2009, 12:36pm
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I did have an on and off relationship from March through May. Then, just recently, July through the beginning of August. Here's the lowdown. Met this girl online. Girl, she's a few years older than me. Anyways, I was attracted to her, but she was very standoffish. Very very private about her private life. Would not let me pick her up at her house. Wouldn't give me her home number. Heck, I still, to this day, do not even know her full name. Said she's been hurt before. Anyways, we went on two dates. Dates 3 and 4 were canceled or she "forgot". So I said enough of this and wished her well. She then called me on July 1 and said whats going on and if I wanted to hang out. Since I was not doing anything, I said sure. So we went on three more dates, but the uncertainty of her background was bothering me, so we never were intimate. I just was not comfortable in kissing a lady who I do not even know. Anyway, she called me on a Friday morning and said what are you doing. Said working. I said are you doing something later? She said no, I'll be around. I said, ok, I will call you later and we can do something. She said fine. She called me at night, but I missed the call. I called her right back though and left a message. Mysteriously, she did not call me back until like 1:00 AM, which I thought was strange. I was pissed cause I pickedup tickets for a show and they were wasted as she disappeared. We did have plans the next day, and since I felt she flaked on me, I setup plans with some friends. She called that night and said whats up with tonight? I said, well, since you did not call me back I assumed you flaked on me and we were not going out tonght. I told her I picked up tickets for a show, which were wasted cause I never heard back from her. She said, sorry, but she misunderstood or something. I said, well, it is what it is. She said what about tonight? I said, again, since you flaked on me yesterday (which she claims she never thought we had plans, but called me back like five or six hours after I called. Keep in mind, it was like 10 minutes since she called when I called her back) we were not on tonight and I am at a club with some friends. She went barzurk. She was like, or really, well I'm coming down. I said, ok, come on down. I will be in the back. We then hung up. She never showed, no kidding, and I texted her that night and said are you doing something tomorrow? Never heard back.

Other things which bothered me aside from the secrecy of herself. One, lives with her parents for the last year or so, but in her defense, she is trying to move out within the next year. Second, NEVER offered to pay for ANYTHING. Not that I would take her up, she was the only one who NEVER OFFERED. I thought that was strange.

Did I do anything wrong here? I think I gave her more than the benifit of the doubt. No?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 26,2009, 4:44pm
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You did nothing wrong. She's just a spoiled brat.
A little girl in an adult's body.
The next time around, you'll learn to stay away from these types and appreciate an actual mature, adult woman.
 
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logicalmind is offline logicalmind Post #3  August 26,2009, 5:04pm
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joey, joey, joey...this girl is not standoffish...she is just plain rude. I cannot believe you gave her a third date. You don't know her name?? What is that all about??? Come on now...dating is common sense. If it looks wierd and smells wierd....
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  August 26,2009, 5:23pm
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Yeah, the name thing would have been a red flag.

I went out with my girl only knowing her first name on the first date... but you can believe afterward I asked what her full name was.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #5  August 26,2009, 5:32pm
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The red flags such as:

Not giving you her full name (she married or in a relationship?)
Living with her parents (depends on her age/situation)
Not paying/offering/dutching (she should have tons of cash if she lives with the parents)
Flakey

You could view this as a learning experience; thus, it was valuable. Give her the opportunity to find someone else to treat her like the spoiled princess that she thinks she is.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #6  August 26,2009, 5:40pm
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...
Last edited by Raw_Truth; August 26,2009 at 5:50pm.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #7  August 26,2009, 5:45pm
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Trust your gut - never, ever go back after you call it off during the probationary period (the first few dates).
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #8  August 26,2009, 5:48pm
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joeyjoe wrote :
She never showed, no kidding, and I texted her that night and said are you doing something tomorrow? Never heard back.
Seriously, after all of that, you honestly wanted to see her again?

I'm failing to see the attraction to this one. She's rude, flakey, secretive, selfish, immature... should I keep going?

Run and keep running.
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #9  August 26,2009, 6:17pm
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Met her right after I broke up with a lady I met, on eharmony, here in Stamford. Perhaps, I was a bit vulnerable. Though, I do try and give the benefit of the doubt. I never ran after her, she seemed to always call me. I did think it was strange, whereas she acted the complete opposite of what I am usually attracted to. Athletic, independent, employed. She acted like the three, but never really was. It can take me months to get over someone. Hence, it does not happen often. I guess, on one side, I enjoyed the company. But, moreover, the lack of respect drove me crazy. Hence I ended it the first time. When someone, anyone, calls me out of the blue, I am not a prick. I will talk to them. She said she changed, and I gave it a shot. I especially loved when she said I will take you out and I paid for the bill. LOL. Lessons, lessons, lessons.. I'll be honest, I am no expert to ladies. I just started to get back into dating in 08. After three failures, the one I met on Jan 1 I actually thought could be the one. This is coming from a guy who would originally not even consider marriage. When that one broke, it really crippled me. So, again, I just think I was attempting to replace her with something as good if not better. With all of my emails and other dates, I had a total of four different ladies between the breakup from March till now, none of them I really clicked with. This one seemed nice, so again, I put up with it for a bit. I also believe nothing is perfect. When I saw it was going no where, I finally ended it. And I rarely end them, as I do not want to hurt the lady (emotionally). I guess, the second time, I thought she would had grown up and saw the potential. After all, she's 33 for Christ's sake. No dice. The BS with not calling me back for six hours when her cell always on me really pushed me over the edge. I mean, she just called. Anyways, just had a bad feeling about it. And her response, still amazes me. I'll be anyone dollars for donuts she will call again within the next few weeks. This time, wish her luck and have her go on her way. Ironically, one of the two ladies I would like for me to call, won't. And yes, I did reach out in a friendly way. No dice. One said, they'd like to go out on a date again, but never followed through. The other, does not seem to have an interest.

Seems I attract flakes...
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #10  August 27,2009, 3:49pm
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joeyjoe wrote :
This time, wish her luck and have her go on her way. Ironically, one of the two ladies I would like for me to call, won't. And yes, I did reach out in a friendly way. No dice. One said, they'd like to go out on a date again, but never followed through. The other, does not seem to have an interest.

Seems I attract flakes...
Me, too. I had a post one time that listed all of the addictions and serious emotional issues each of my past boyfriends had. It was a little scary.

Don't worry and try to relax. I know - easier said than done. But patience makes for a better outcome. After my first divorce, I started dating 2 months after my ex-husband and I split (yes, we were legally divorced) and ended up with a huge mess on my hands, marrying (a year and a half later) literally the first guy to come along. Divorced a year and a half later when he cheated.

Now I've been on my own for a little more than 3 years and have dated [thinking...] about a dozen guys. Since I'm not so antsy about the whole deal, I'm a lot more discerning and less willing to put up with the bad behavior. You don't have to be hurtful when you tell someone you're not interested, but realize that people will get their feelings hurt of you stand up for yourself. It's just the reality of being a grownup, and they will get over it faster than you think. Don't forget that your feelings count, too.

Now I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, and if it works, it works. If it doesn't, I'm fine with that too. But I understand that whomever I'm with needs to be as concerned with my feelings as I am of theirs, and treat me with respect. If they can't do that, I need to politely move on.
 
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