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itsabeatutifulday itsabeatutifulday is offline
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Thank you for all your kind replies and good advice. I received this email tonight, so I guess I now have my answer. Guess he was just into someone else and not me.

"Because we had such a good first date this may come as a surprise. Before we went out I was trying to connect with someone else. On Saturday we kind of started to get together. Sorry, but I don't think it would be a good idea to continue seeing each other based on that."
- August 25th, 2009, 11:39 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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That's a big disappointment, obviously. But, to his credit, he got back to you promptly and let you know that he wishes to pursue a different relationship. That at least frees you to move on and pursue other possibilities...
- August 26th, 2009, 12:13 am
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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Honestgetsdishonest wrote :
If you are right for each-other, it does not matter what you say.

I dated a girl for over a year and we loved each-other very much. I remember our first date very well. We just clicked. We said a lot of stupid things to each-other. Nothing matters when it is meant to be.

So, do not worry about what you said. NOT A BIG DEAL!

Now if you said, "I used to be a man" or "My psychiatrist has me on heavy medication, so I probably won't kill you today, or "Let's get married right now"


That would be stupid.

If the little thing you said threw this guy out, ALL THE BETTER! Now you know you two would have never made it as a couple. Better to know sooner than later.

DON'T CONTACT HIM AGAIN.

If he wants you , he needs to try A LOT harder.
I know she already has her answer from him, but i really like this answer. Especially the "it doesnt matter what you say" part.
- August 26th, 2009, 12:15 am
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KungFuFtr KungFuFtr is offline
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What you shared wasn't out of line. There is no rule regarding "a guy needs to ask you out for date #2 at the end of date #1; or else "he's not that into you"...(Unless you are reading the book, He's Not That Into You). I've rarely asked for date #2 right away, as I need to process the date. It can also seem sort of desperate.... it depends.

Your dating story seems fine. For me I get turned off if someone talks about past first dates in a snide, smutty or manipulative manner.
- August 26th, 2009, 01:20 am
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
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Just as general advice, it's best not to talk about online dating stories on the first date. I initially did that, then realized that while it might not be hurting my chances, it might, and there are better things to talk bout anyway.

But don't worry about those sorts of things too much. If a guy is really attracted to you, he'll gloss over the details unless there are some real red flags.
- August 26th, 2009, 02:35 am
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Fleuellen Fleuellen is offline
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ZisaGirl wrote :
I always do that to myself too: If the guy doesn't call, or set a date, immediately, I start to overanalyze every single thing I said, and mentally smack myself...
Wowwe! If I did that I'd have myself in a right pickle. But I'm quite good a rejection. I could tell you a tale or 3.

But I'm thinking it must have been something that you did. Couldn't possibly be about them. I suspect you didn't put the knife and fork together and the end of the meal, or didn't whisper into his ears "you place or mine." Equally, your lipstick may have been too bright, he didn't like your flat chest, chubby ankles, and that you corrected his pronunciationof Minnesota. It’s mɪnɨˈsoʊtə. Yes, definitely, your fault.

Oh, have you, like actually called and, I don't know ask him to join you on some excursion. Mind you, such forwardness tends to confuse me ... I starting thinking "why on earth would she want to go out with me.?" "What is wrong with her that I'd missed?"

Negative self-talk. Its wonderful. We don't need anyone to have a go at us, because we're so such better at it ourselves.
- August 26th, 2009, 02:57 am
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legend29 legend29 is offline
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itsabeatutifulday wrote :
Thank you for all your kind replies and good advice. I received this email tonight, so I guess I now have my answer. Guess he was just into someone else and not me.

"Because we had such a good first date this may come as a surprise. Before we went out I was trying to connect with someone else. On Saturday we kind of started to get together. Sorry, but I don't think it would be a good idea to continue seeing each other based on that."
Sorry to hear that you won't be getting that second date after all.

I recognize that in your case it probably would not have mattered what the two of you talked about because he was 'wading the waters' waiting on someone else....but just for future reference, I would follow Mr. Right's advice.

I never discuss past relationships or dates. If my date opens the subject I just smile demurely, bat my eyes and say "Really?....so how's the wine?"...trying desperately to change the subject. If he continues, I put up with it, and know in the back of my head that I will not be wanting a second date with him!

Also, though I realize that everyone's dating experiences are different, in my experiences, if a man is interested he always asks for the second date by the end of the first date...and always calls that evening to make sure I got home okay...and calls within the next 24-48 hours to set up the second date.

When I don't get the cordial "Just checking to see if you got home okay", I don't really care if he calls me for a second date, because I am sooooo not into him at that point.... I hate rude folks!

Furthermore, in my experiences, second dates can be within 48 hours but no more than a week away. In the meantime, finding something to do keeps the waiting period more palatable....and who knows?...by the time the 'first date rose-colored smoke' dissipates, you may find that you're not that into him anyway!

Wishing you well in your dating travels!
- August 26th, 2009, 03:51 am
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Interesting ... I use the "share internet dating stories" tactics to blow men off and extinguish every bit of hope and interest that they might have in me. I kid you not.

Next time -- avoid that topic. If he was interested in you, he would have asked personal questions of you.
- August 27th, 2009, 09:25 pm
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dietpepsi dietpepsi is offline
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Also, I've noticed that if a guy is interested, you don't have to send him a "nice to meet you" msg before he asks you out a second time.

I'm not trying to be lazy, but feel like I've got some men habits figured out. If they're into you, they'll keep asking you out.
- August 27th, 2009, 09:28 pm
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gothustartus gothustartus is offline
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EMTZ wrote :
"BTW, I poisoned my ex husband."
That's third date conversation.
- August 28th, 2009, 10:14 am
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