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stevex stevex is offline
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It is beyond obvious that the girl has some major self esteem issues. I would suggest though that you give your friend one piece of advice and then step out of it and let him handle the situation. You need to tell your friend disprove whatever her fears are. It might not be easy if she isn't going to be rational, and they will either make it work or they won't.
- August 25th, 2009, 02:36 pm
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shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
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stevex wrote :
It is beyond obvious that the girl has some major self esteem issues.
+1

Add control issues to the list.

In the absence of any other information about their relationship she is definitely behaving irrationally. To each their own, but there would have to be a lot of other plusses in the relationship to offset this big red flag.
- August 25th, 2009, 05:17 pm
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Waterman25 Waterman25 is offline
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Skyking6976 wrote :
Decided to start working out a month ago when a friend said he was joining a health club. We go together every day for at least an hour, 1.5 hours every other day working with a trainer. I'm one pound short of reaching my goal of a 15 pound loss (with a little help from the doc) and my friend isn't far behind.

Well, I was having dinner last weekend with my friend and his girlfriend. Told them I like working out and want to stay with it to get ripped. My friend's girlfriend started on this tirade because she'd read that more men get one night stands when they are all toned up and turned on her boyfriend and asked if he was working out to move on to greener pastures. Geez, she was out of control. My friend is very happy with her as far as I know and is just working out to be more healthy. Told him just to reassure her, do something extra nice or whatever to get her under control. My friend had asked her if she'd like to join and she said no.

Anyone here ever heard of a couple breaking up over something like that? I thought my friend's girlfriend would be happy for us. You know something like, "I'm so proud of you two."
I just have one word.
PSYCHO!
Huge self-esteem issues and probably some other underlying issues that her boyfriend does not even know about. Where I live we call a woman like that a "greyhound." She's always chasing you to try and catch you in something. It gets old. Quickly.
- August 25th, 2009, 05:55 pm
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wordwoman wordwoman is offline
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Skyking6976 wrote :
Well, I was having dinner last weekend with my friend and his girlfriend. Told them I like working out and want to stay with it to get ripped. My friend's girlfriend started on this tirade because she'd read that more men get one night stands when they are all toned up and turned on her boyfriend and asked if he was working out to move on to greener pastures. Geez, she was out of control. My friend is very happy with her as far as I know and is just working out to be more healthy. Told him just to reassure her, do something extra nice or whatever to get her under control. My friend had asked her if she'd like to join and she said no.

Anyone here ever heard of a couple breaking up over something like that? I thought my friend's girlfriend would be happy for us. You know something like, "I'm so proud of you two."
Yes, actually I have. A couple of them in fact.

In one, the man joined gym and got into amazing shape, ripped from here to Adonis. He was spending considerable time at the gym. When his longtime GF complained about the excessive time commitment and the changes it was having on their relationship, he refushed to cutback his gym time. They broke up.

In another one, the woman joined gym to help lose weight. It took a year, but she dropped like 70 pounds, then her gym buddies got her interested in bodybuilding. Her BF didn't like all the attention her body makeoever was bringing and wanted her to stop going to the gym so much and especially didn't like the bodybuilding. When she refused to cutback, he ended the relationship.

Now, I will say, it is highly possible that these two relationships would have ended at some point anyway, but in both the gym commitments were the last straws. But any major lifestyle change can move a breakup higher on the most-likely list, especially if it severely changes the dymanic and rhythm of a relationship, and the couple isn't strong enough to handle this sort of life-altering change.

As for your friend's GF, we don't really know what is going on in that relationship besides what you saw and your friend told you. The GF could be irrational and insecure or something else could be going on. What is certain is that she mishandled the matter badly by airing it all in public, i.e., in front of you.
- August 25th, 2009, 06:21 pm
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dalejrfan88 dalejrfan88 is offline
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Yes,the chick probably has issues,but it might have been a way out for her...maybe she just wanted out of the relationship.
I hope you and your friend keep working out~that's awesome!(O:
- August 25th, 2009, 09:00 pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
You missed something, made some wrong assumptions, and I left out some details. He works 5 minutes from my office. We were going to meet at a restaurant/bar within a few blocks of my office. He was a university professor, and was going to work out at the campus fitness center, very close to his office. I was NOT going to go home, shower, and dress up.... I wear dresses/skirts and heels to work and would have spent about 3 minutes freshening up in the restroom at work. I can't imagine he gets so stinky at his professor job that he has to change clothes and shower again at 5:00 if he showered that morning.

So... basically he was asking me to cool my heels for 2 hours after work so he could work out. Definitely Not Cool.
I regularly engage in a rigorously based workout program, but I’m not so committed to the program that there’s no flexibility. If I am interested in meeting someone, I will be flexible enough to alter my normal routine, to a time which coincides with our schedules. Working- out is a form of recreation which I deeply cherish, but it is not everything. Does your strict workout provide you with a catalyst toward a relationship? Probably not.
- August 25th, 2009, 09:37 pm
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melman melman is offline
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tommyboy047 wrote :
I personally think that people who consider meeting people online as "blind dates" are not taking out the time to get to know the person before setting up that first date. I have NEVER thought or considered or treated women that I have met online as a "blind date" because I have always taken the time to get to know the person first.
When I say that eH meetings are like blind dates, I simply mean that you haven't met the person - in person - yet. You have no idea how you'll interact in person. You may think you know from online or the phone, but you really don't.

wrote :
It has always been my experience that when the conversation online goes well, it goes just as well if not better when we have that first date.
Sorry, not buying that. We all have plenty of stories to tell about matches who, in person, turned out to be nothing at all like we imagined they'd be.
- August 25th, 2009, 10:22 pm
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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Skyking6976 wrote :
Decided to start working out a month ago when a friend said he was joining a health club. We go together every day for at least an hour, 1.5 hours every other day working with a trainer. I'm one pound short of reaching my goal of a 15 pound loss (with a little help from the doc) and my friend isn't far behind.

Well, I was having dinner last weekend with my friend and his girlfriend. Told them I like working out and want to stay with it to get ripped. My friend's girlfriend started on this tirade because she'd read that more men get one night stands when they are all toned up and turned on her boyfriend and asked if he was working out to move on to greener pastures. Geez, she was out of control. My friend is very happy with her as far as I know and is just working out to be more healthy. Told him just to reassure her, do something extra nice or whatever to get her under control. My friend had asked her if she'd like to join and she said no.

Anyone here ever heard of a couple breaking up over something like that? I thought my friend's girlfriend would be happy for us. You know something like, "I'm so proud of you two."
Superficially it might seem like its over the gym, but who knows what they are like together. All I know is that if I didn't trust him that much for whatever reason I would see it as pretty much the end of the relationship.
- August 25th, 2009, 10:50 pm
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Skyking6976 Skyking6976 is offline
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Just wanted to report back that my friend and his girlfriend have parted company. They had been dating just over two months. She was somewhat overweight like my friend was when we started working out. I think in this case they were a good match based on looks and body shape but even in just a month his body shape has already made him more attractive than her and she just couldn't deal with it. If he really cared for her he could have said and done things to make her feel okay about his new look. He is a very private guy in some ways and we really haven't talked about the details of what happened.

I've read all the comments since my original post and the time we spend at the gym may be excessive but we go mid-morning and it doesn't interfere with our social life. In addition, once...at least for me...once I get the shape I'm looking for I'll just go a few times a week to maintain what I've got.
- August 26th, 2009, 09:06 am
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sheera007 sheera007 is offline
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I haven't heard of a couple breaking up over this, but I can tell you that if I read in a guy's profile that he works out 1 - 2 hours EVERY DAY I am a little turned off and not all that likely to meet him.

Why? Because that amount of exercise is excessive and far beyond what is needed for a healthy lifestyle. It sounds obsessive
Really? It depends on if he really means EVERY day or if he is smart enough to know that his body needs recovery time. 2 hours isn't necessarily excessive or obsessive as long as it isn't every day. On an ocassional day where his weight-training and cardio fall on the same day, then it can take close to 2 hours without overdoing it (it really depends on exactly what he is doing).

example:
  • I do weight-training 4 times per week (2 lower body days - 2 upper body days)
  • I do cardio 4 times per week.
  • I take 1 or 2 days off per week.
  • I schedule my workouts so that some days I have both weight-training and cardio.
  • Other days it turns out that I only have one or the other... and it goes very quickly.

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
and it sounds like he'll have little time left for dating or anything else.
Not to say that some people aren't obsessive (and ill-informed) and spend far too much time on senseless workouts but...people who adhere to a well-constructed workout program have plenty time and energy for other things.




Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I once was on the verge of setting up a meeting with a guy..... When telling me his availability on a Friday night he mentioned that he'd be done working at 5:00 (same time as me), but would work out afterward and could meet me at 7:00. Excuse me?!? Make me wait two hours for our date/meet because he can't skip one lousy workout?!?
WOW!!! That wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I have a great admiration & respect for people who are disciplined and focused enough to adhere to their workout schedules, as planned. Its not a matter of "skipping one lousy workout". Its a matter of making fitness a priority and sticking to the plan. People who don't make fitness a priority are easily derailed from planned/scheduled workouts... and it usually doesn't turn out to be only "one lousy workout" skipped, in the long run.

I would have simply found something to occupy my time until 7:00. Possibly even my own workout (depending on that week's workout schedule).

People who adhere to a good, well-constructed workout program (those who bother to learn what that means) do NOT spend every waking hour at the gym. They simply stick to their routines. What's the big deal about spending an hour at the gym a few days per week (or up to 2 hours on a couple of those days)? MOST people spend more time than that, sitting on their outta-shape buns, watching TV and/or clowning around online.

There's still plenty of time to watch TV (and do many other things) AFTER the workout.

Sure, there is a such thing as excessive/obsessive. But it seems that many 'observers' (people who aren't particularly fitness-oriented) mistake dedication & discipline for obsession. There's a HUGE difference.
Last edited by sheera007; August 26th, 2009 at 04:57 pm.
- August 26th, 2009, 03:28 pm
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