People getting a little too "friendly" in the first conversation?


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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #11  August 24,2009, 2:58pm
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And now for something completely different...

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[quote=eHA_Admin_Lori;720007]OK Advicers I 'm here with a question from my own "dating life".

Have you ever had someone get a little too "familiar" during an initial conversation, to the point of it making you feel uncomfortable? If so, did you proceed anyway? (And if so how did it work out?)

This weekend I had a couple of super quick email exchanges with someone, then we were instant messaging and as the conversation progressed he was talking about wanting to hug and kiss me, and making comments about my "sex appeal" and the whole thing just made me feel kind of.....blech.

He says he's looking for a long term relationship, so I don't *think* he's just looking for a "hookup".

Am I being weird here, by being put off but too much of a focus on the physical? The basis of my feelings is:
-this is our VERY FIRST CONVERSATION. Ever.

-yes, I also enjoy hugging and kissing and can appreciate "sex appeal" but....one we know each other better...lol
I was really excited to see that we had a lot of good stuff in common, and was feeling optimistic - now I can't decide if I should charge ahead and hope for the best or listen to my gut and just forget the whole thing.

Or am I being hypersensitive here?


Thanks in advance for reading and responding.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #12  August 24,2009, 3:16pm

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no, your not weird. Yes, he kind of is

I generally would not move to IM that quickly anyway. But I also don't like IM in general and would avoid it....tends to bring out these types! Atleast I think it does.

I'd move on.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #13  August 24,2009, 5:32pm
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I'm in my 30's....

~~~

OK, so my gut is battling it out with my heart:

Gut: "Eh, this doesn't bode well for him.....might want to move on...."

Heart: "Oh, but he could be THE ONE.....you don't want to let THE ONE go for something so minor in the big picture, do you?!"

lol.....welcome to my life!


SO, I think what I will do is talk with him once more and if he gets "verbally grabby", I'll let him know I'm not entirely comfortable with it yet* and see how he reacts. If he's insensitive about it and turns it back on me, he's done. If he handles it like a man (apologizes and then does NOT turn around and do it again), then I'll probably move forward.

*I should have done that right away, but didn't want to give the impression of being uptight or a "prude", because I am neither.

Thanks everyone for the input and advice!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #14  August 24,2009, 5:40pm
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Gut: "Eh, this doesn't bode well for him.....might want to move on...."

Heart: "Oh, but he could be THE ONE.....you don't want to let THE ONE go for something so minor in the big picture, do you?!"

Frog: welcome to OUR life!
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #15  August 24,2009, 5:44pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Gut: "Eh, this doesn't bode well for him.....might want to move on...."

Heart: "Oh, but he could be THE ONE.....you don't want to let THE ONE go for something so minor in the big picture, do you?!"

Frog: welcome to OUR life!
lol!!!!

D_Lion, I'm with you guys, been with you guys alll along - I share the pain!!!!!
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #16  August 24,2009, 6:07pm
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Listen to your gut! Sounds like this guy has an issue with boundaries.
 
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OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #17  August 24,2009, 6:20pm
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I vote for going with the gut. When the conversation goes that way I feel like he's sitting all drooly and unshaven and sweaty in his sweats with a hole you-know-where swilling down a few hundred beers with a black sharpie and tiny notebook nearby. Gross. Usually that does it for me.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #18  August 24,2009, 6:21pm
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See? You don't need us, Lori, you knew what to do all along.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #19  August 24,2009, 6:26pm

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OverAnalyzer wrote :
I vote for going with the gut. When the conversation goes that way I feel like he's sitting all drooly and unshaven and sweaty in his sweats with a hole you-know-where swilling down a few hundred beers with a black sharpie and tiny notebook nearby. Gross. Usually that does it for me.
a black sharpie!? lol.....I see where you get the "over analyzer" handle from...

But I agree...
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #20  August 24,2009, 6:35pm
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I'm another "go with your gut" vote.

I've had dudes tell me their "method" is to intentionally come on like gangbusters because it quickly weeds out the women who won't jump in bed right away.

Not saying this is where your guy is coming from - just saying there are those types out there. I wish there weren't because it makes things difficult for us "normal" guys.
 
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