Hey you single dad's out there....


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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #1  August 24,2009, 12:03pm
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I've read that to date a single dad you gotta be patient. Which, I understand. But when it comes to trying to date, are you ever to busy to do it?

Curious, cause the guy I'm trying to date is a single father (made a few different posts about him). He's always busy, which is understandable. He just got custody of his daughter, whom he's only had visitation rights for about 9 years. We've tried to get together, but often it doesn't work (he's always busy, and we have different days off). Most the time we see each other is at work (we work in a casino, but he works for the casino and I work for the tribe who owns it).

Last week he invited me over, he's moving next month (still in the same city) and is having a party. Talked to me a bit about how his week was going, how things are calming down (issues with the mom) and such. The next day when I ordered breakfast (he's a cook) he made a smiley face on the french toast lol. So I'm taking this as a good sign. Yet, outside of work it's silence.

From a single father's point of view...are you to busy to contact someone you're interested in?
 
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Trikster is offline Trikster Post #2  August 24,2009, 12:15pm
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Sometimes I can be very busy, but I usually try to find the time. If you live close enough and are on the same time schedule (like having evenings off), I have had a few dates come over after I have put my daughters to bed. Just hang out and talk or watch a movie... It is hard though, if it has been very recent since he got custody, he is still trying to figure out logistics and such, so all I can advise is to just be there for him, help when you can (in whatever capacity you can) and be flexible. It is a challenge, but often you will see the kind of person he truly is because of the way he parents.
Last edited by Trikster; August 24,2009 at 12:18pm. Reason: cause I cannot spell to save my life
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  August 24,2009, 12:16pm
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islandrain80 wrote :
I've read that to date a single dad you gotta be patient. Which, I understand. But when it comes to trying to date, are you ever to busy to do it?

Curious, cause the guy I'm trying to date is a single father (made a few different posts about him). He's always busy, which is understandable. He just got custody of his daughter, whom he's only had visitation rights for about 9 years. We've tried to get together, but often it doesn't work (he's always busy, and we have different days off). Most the time we see each other is at work (we work in a casino, but he works for the casino and I work for the tribe who owns it).

Last week he invited me over, he's moving next month (still in the same city) and is having a party. Talked to me a bit about how his week was going, how things are calming down (issues with the mom) and such. The next day when I ordered breakfast (he's a cook) he made a smiley face on the french toast lol. So I'm taking this as a good sign. Yet, outside of work it's silence.

From a single father's point of view...are you to busy to contact someone you're interested in?
Well, my ex and I have joint custody, but my son lives with her most of the time.

She is in the military and she did get deployed for a over a year, while we were married, so I'm very sympathetic to anyone that has sole custody of a child, believe me.
It's got to be tremendously tough to juggle dating and raising kids on your own.
Keep in mind, it's pretty new to him, too.

Most guys, even husbands, I know have no idea what I went through when my son's mom was in Iraq...
They simply can't. They've never lived it.

His priorities now, are with his daughter, where they should be.
give him some time, and if it was meant to be, it will be.

The smiley face on the french toast is a good sign...just be patient.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #4  August 24,2009, 12:37pm
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as a single father of three, i could not agree more with thinker and trikster. be patient. he seems to like you.

you say he just got custody but do not mention when you expressed interest in each other. it appears that everything is recent.

you did say that you had tried to get together but it has often not worked out. does that mean you have been able to see each other at least once or twice?

one more note about the "single father" thing. women have a great support network for raising children by themselves. men- not so much. he is probably overwhelmed no matter the age of his daughter.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #5  August 24,2009, 2:51pm
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islandrain80 wrote :
I've read that to date a single dad you gotta be patient. Which, I understand. But when it comes to trying to date, are you ever to busy to do it?

Curious, cause the guy I'm trying to date is a single father (made a few different posts about him). He's always busy, which is understandable. He just got custody of his daughter, whom he's only had visitation rights for about 9 years. We've tried to get together, but often it doesn't work (he's always busy, and we have different days off). Most the time we see each other is at work (we work in a casino, but he works for the casino and I work for the tribe who owns it).

Last week he invited me over, he's moving next month (still in the same city) and is having a party. Talked to me a bit about how his week was going, how things are calming down (issues with the mom) and such. The next day when I ordered breakfast (he's a cook) he made a smiley face on the french toast lol. So I'm taking this as a good sign. Yet, outside of work it's silence.

From a single father's point of view...are you to busy to contact someone you're interested in?
I have 3 sons; 2 youngest still at home (mother died years ago). But that aside, whatever parenting arrangements, we're individuals. Sure, all parents have major commitments, all the time. So I'd sugest the "silence" is just him. If you like him, make an effort, take your time. But don't sweat it. Or be surprised if he is just not that intersted.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #6  August 24,2009, 5:41pm
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You did say that you had tried to get together but it has often not worked out. does that mean you have been able to see each other at least once or twice?

Yes. When his daughter was with the grandma, we went out (July). He's asked me to come along when he took his daughter down to the grandma and picked her up, but it's always when I'm working. Again later when he went to the Renn. Faire (Aug.), I met him there and we spent some time together (where I met the daughter and his father).

If you like him, make an effort, take your time.

I'm trying to make an effort, but I don't want to come across as desperate. He knows I want to date him and get to know his daughter, I was straight forward with that. I guess I'm hoping for a bit more effort on his end.

You say he just got custody but do not mention when you expressed interest in each other. it appears that everything is recent.

When we got interested in each other? We actually dated last year, but he wasn't looking for more then a piece...at which he expressed he didn't want to use me like that. This was before he had his daughter. Custody of her happened this year, maybe around April/May...not positive.

thanks for the advice
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #7  August 24,2009, 6:01pm
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I'm a single dad, and my kids live with me 1/2 the time. Mon-Wed morning with me and then every other weekend. Am I too busy to contact someone I'm interested? No. Am I too busy to DATE someone I'm interested in? Sometimes.
But it's got nothing to do with my kids.
Being a parent (father or mother) is a tough job but there are varying degrees of this. These depend on how old the kid(s) are and how much time he has them.

To answer your REAL question:
Is the fact that he has kids keeping him from getting together with you or is it you???
Well, it's probably not you but I'm also pretty sure its not his kids. Maybe something in between.
 
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ltc89 is offline ltc89 Post #8  August 24,2009, 6:31pm
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I was a single dad with full custody from the time my kids were pretty young, the only thing I know for sure is that there was no possible way I could find time to date, much less run the risk of compromising a situation that was working extremely well for the kids and for me. I did manage friendships though, with women who were mostly single moms who knew how little chance there was to be able to form and manage a real relationship in their own lives, and this was a lot of the basis for my social life at the time. The kids came first, always and unquestionably, as they should in my humble opinion. I feel as if the ends justified the means - both kids are grown, educated, happily married to wonderful people and successfully employed. (Now I'm in a similar time bind, but this time it involves responsibility for aging parents, so I guess you could say I'm basically unavailable.)

Give hime time - hopefully he can find a way to settle out his time demands and make you a part of his life. It does sound like he's interested, but I can well imagine he's feeling the demands of parenthood very acutely. But do keep in mind - his kids are counting on him and do really need him and deserve his maximum attention.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #9  August 24,2009, 7:19pm
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To answer your REAL question:
Is the fact that he has kids keeping him from getting together with you or is it you???
Well, it's probably not you but I'm also pretty sure its not his kids. Maybe something in between.

I hope it's not me. I've had to turn him down twice when he's asked me to drop off/pick up his daughter at the grandma's, but I explained I had to either get up really early, or was still at work when he was leaving. But I met him at the Faire when he asked if I was coming, and made attempts to invite them both over and watch a movie(s).

His daughter is 9, and seemed to like me when I met her at the fair. When I called tonight to see if they wanted to come over, she told her dad to say hi to me for her.

Give him time - hopefully he can find a way to settle out his time demands and make you a part of his life. It does sound like he's interested, but I can well imagine he's feeling the demands of parenthood very acutely. But do keep in mind - his kids are counting on him and do really need him and deserve his maximum attention.

Trying to give him time, patience isn't easy for me lol. But I'm not showing this side to him...don't want him to feel pressured. I did let him know it felt like he wasn't putting any effort into this though...and it was only said once. He said I was right, so I haven't brought that up again. I figure if he knows, he knows. Nothing will get accomplished if I hound him on it.

I'm trying to show him "hey, I'm here and waiting..." I guess that's all I can do.

And no, I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket.
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #10  August 24,2009, 8:37pm
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islandrain80 wrote :
I've read that to date a single dad you gotta be patient. Which, I understand. But when it comes to trying to date, are you ever to busy to do it?

Curious, cause the guy I'm trying to date is a single father (made a few different posts about him). He's always busy, which is understandable. He just got custody of his daughter, whom he's only had visitation rights for about 9 years. We've tried to get together, but often it doesn't work (he's always busy, and we have different days off). Most the time we see each other is at work (we work in a casino, but he works for the casino and I work for the tribe who owns it).

Last week he invited me over, he's moving next month (still in the same city) and is having a party. Talked to me a bit about how his week was going, how things are calming down (issues with the mom) and such. The next day when I ordered breakfast (he's a cook) he made a smiley face on the french toast lol. So I'm taking this as a good sign. Yet, outside of work it's silence.

From a single father's point of view...are you to busy to contact someone you're interested in?
I have 4 kids, 3 still at home and I'm quite busy with them and my business, especially during the summer. For me, its not supah hard to find the time to connect in some way, shape, or form, a couple or 3 times a week with a gal I would be interested in.
Last edited by Mainah64; August 24,2009 at 10:23pm.
 
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