Babily is offline Babily Post #1  August 23,2009, 8:33pm
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OK, I have no idea... Help please!

I had a crush on Matthew for months and every time he saw me at graduate school, he would hug me very closely and gently, he would talk to me for an hour, he would compliment me (my hair, outfit, pretty smile...), so it was more than obvious that he liked me. I knew he had a girlfriend, but it seemed like he wasn't serious about the relationship. I was super happy and I thought something would happen. But that all fell apart when a friend of his told me that Matthew is getting engaged.

I was a bit disappointed, but I went over it. Couple of days ago, I called my friend's office to ask him a question and Matthew picked up the phone. He was super happy to talk to me, we were joking around and he asked me when he would see me again. I said probably not soon, because work is keeping me busy. He said: "awww that saddens me! Make sure you make some time in your busy schedule and come visit."

So, I have no idea what to do. I like him and I think he likes me too, but that engagement bothers me. I am definitely not a relationship wrecker, because I would hate something bad to happen if I was in a relationship.

What is your opinion on this? Thanks in advance!!!
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #2  August 23,2009, 8:45pm
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He's stringing you along... sorry, but that is what it sounds like to me. Also, if you were the (un)lucky girl engaged to him would you trust him if he is hugging and having hour long flirtatious chats with cute girls? Be wary of this fellow. Your instincts are right but you are loving the attention and he's good at giving it. I am sure you are not the only one he's doing this with.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #3  August 23,2009, 8:49pm
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I think that some people are too scared to leave a relationship that is missing something because they don't know if what they have is as good as it gets. Breaking up is always hard & messy so sometimes people avoid it.

I would only get together with him occassionally to see where his relationship goes & date others in the meantime.

The past flirting sounded pretty real but the last wordage sounded more like a flirty game. Maybe that is because his relationship became more serious.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  August 23,2009, 8:58pm
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If Matthew is already in a relationship what's your choice? Is he engaged or isn't he? Regardless, he's in a relationship...and flirting with you. Why do you like him? I wouldn't. If he has no respect for his current relationship, he'll probably have none for future relationships-including one with you.
 
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Babily is offline Babily Post #5  August 23,2009, 9:02pm
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boccabum wrote :
If Matthew is already in a relationship what's your choice? Is he engaged or isn't he? Regardless, he's in a relationship...and flirting with you. Why do you like him? I wouldn't. If he has no respect for his current relationship, he'll probably have none for future relationships-including one with you.
Very true, I completely agree that he has no respect for his current girlfriend. But, I think what the above written comment said (that some people don't want to break up easily) is very true too. Maybe he is just not happy in the relationship. And I know I shouldn't like him, but you can't control feelings, right?
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #6  August 23,2009, 9:22pm
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hmm...

Sounds like Matthew's sensory receptors have detected that you're attracted to him and he's just playing along. It's an ego boost! These are just brief exchanges at school and it hasn't gone beyond that.

If you all had exchanged numbers, were meeting outside of school, texting, this may show intent to know you better...but this hasn't happened - and it shouldn't - since he's engaged.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #7  August 23,2009, 9:24pm
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Babily wrote :
Very true, I completely agree that he has no respect for his current girlfriend. But, I think what the above written comment said (that some people don't want to break up easily) is very true too. Maybe he is just not happy in the relationship. And I know I shouldn't like him, but you can't control feelings, right?
Surprisingly, as a guy I've experienced some of this. In the distant past. I don't any longer because I've learned that all of our feelings are self imposed. So to answer your question I really believe that yes...we can control our feelings. Well at least complex feelings like lust that you have for this guy.
Immediate feelings like pain, joy, fear, etc. sure. They are responses. But if you like this guy, you like him despite the fact that he's unavailable to you because you probably have some deep seeded notions that he'll leave his current girlfriend and ride off to the sunset with you.
That just might happen...but after sunset, in the darkness, he'll find another cowgirl to ride off with the next day.
It's easier to control my feelings if I were you.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 24,2009, 5:49am
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Rainfallgirl wrote :
He's stringing you along... sorry, but that is what it sounds like to me. Also, if you were the (un)lucky girl engaged to him would you trust him if he is hugging and having hour long flirtatious chats with cute girls? Be wary of this fellow. Your instincts are right but you are loving the attention and he's good at giving it. I am sure you are not the only one he's doing this with.
There may be some validity in what you say but I am not agreeing totally.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  August 24,2009, 5:59am
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bigfincat wrote :
I think that some people are too scared to leave a relationship that is missing something because they don't know if what they have is as good as it gets. Breaking up is always hard & messy so sometimes people avoid it.

I would only get together with him occassionally to see where his relationship goes & date others in the meantime.

The past flirting sounded pretty real but the last wordage sounded more like a flirty game. Maybe that is because his relationship became more serious.
Yes, leads to unhappy marriages and divorce. But a solid relationship will not be broken apart by an outside force.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #10  August 24,2009, 12:12pm
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Babily wrote :
OK, I have no idea... Help please!

I had a crush on Matthew for months and every time he saw me at graduate school, he would hug me very closely and gently, he would talk to me for an hour, he would compliment me (my hair, outfit, pretty smile...), so it was more than obvious that he liked me. I knew he had a girlfriend, but it seemed like he wasn't serious about the relationship. I was super happy and I thought something would happen. But that all fell apart when a friend of his told me that Matthew is getting engaged.

I was a bit disappointed, but I went over it. Couple of days ago, I called my friend's office to ask him a question and Matthew picked up the phone. He was super happy to talk to me, we were joking around and he asked me when he would see me again. I said probably not soon, because work is keeping me busy. He said: "awww that saddens me! Make sure you make some time in your busy schedule and come visit."

So, I have no idea what to do. I like him and I think he likes me too, but that engagement bothers me. I am definitely not a relationship wrecker, because I would hate something bad to happen if I was in a relationship.

What is your opinion on this? Thanks in advance!!!

Kidnap his betrothed and have her sent to Nepal. Then speed date him before she gets back. Nah....look...he may see you as a friend or maybe just maybe he is engaged to the wrong person.
 
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