Amazingly depressed about this online dating


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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #1  August 23,2009, 4:43pm
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I tried three different dating sites, two of which are eHarmony and Match over the last 3 years. When I was on eHarmony, must had sent five + requests for communication daily. At one point, I had well north of one hundred open pending requests. I just finished my last month with Match. Even though I received like 3 - 4 "winks" per week, when replying to them, I got no response. In terms of cold contacts, I e-mailed, not winked, but e-mailed well north of 500 women. No hot super models. Average looking ladies. Maybe five total we had an e-mail correspondence. After a few of them, they just dropped off. If they did not respond, I did not run after them.

The third, date.com, was a complete waste of money and time. Zero responses whatsoever.

I just cannot seem to understand why. Tried all sorts of religions and "spiritual" ladies, no difference. Tried different age groups, no difference. Can I be just so so damn ugly that I could not get a single date? I am not overweight, not scrawny, but (or I guess now below) average looking. The profile I cut down from 2000 characters to less than 500. I have never been so depressed on these results. If I wasn't of somewhat of sound mind, this would devastate me. Close, but not there yet. Guess I just have learn to get more comfort in living solitudely single for life. What a waste of time, effort, money, sweat.
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  August 23,2009, 6:15pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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I'm really sorry to hear that you've had such a negative experience with online dating. I can tell you that there are many people on the boards here who have had similar results. Some continue to try to meet people, and some have taken a break from it for awhile.

It sounds like you're getting down on yourself because of your lack of success--please don't do this to yourself. On some dating sites, members leave but do not turn off their matching, and you end up sending out communication requests to people who appear to be there, but the reality is that they are not. On other dating sites, they will match paying members to non-paying members; if you are matched to a non-paying member they cannot communicate with you, even if they would like to, unless they choose to pay for the services offered by the site. Many people do not opt to do this.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's very possible that these things that you're getting down on yourself about may not even be the reality here. If you are still using eH, you can also use these forums to get feedback on your profile (you mentioned you had made changes to it) if you suspect that might be an issue (copy and paste it under Using eHarmony and ask for feedback from the community).

Don't give up on yourself--and best of luck to you!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  August 23,2009, 6:19pm
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Well, your experience is worse than mine, but not out of line in magnitude with what other men have reported.
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #4  August 23,2009, 6:36pm
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Yea, thought about that, but every single e-mail was read, just not responded to. I know I am not Aaron Eckhart, but I do not think I'm the blob either. I would had rather just received a no thanks than nothing at all. The ladies whom either open communication with me or "winked" at me I did respond to that I had interest in. The ones I didn't I either said no thanks or closed out the communication. But I had never ever expected 500 + e-mails with no reply and 100 + eharmony requests just standing idly by. I have a pretty thick skin, but at this extreme, even that has broken down. I find it amazing that the ones who winked or showed interest in me all of a sudden flake out. I mean, they asked where have you lived and what you do. Plain vanilla questions. Responded back and asked the same. Poof gone never to be heard from again. Another one winked at me and then when I tried to IM her did not respond. I cannot be just me. I cannot screw up hundreds of intros. Can I? Maybe so.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  August 23,2009, 6:43pm
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Again, this is not that uncommon. It will happen a lot.
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 23,2009, 6:43pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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I have had similar success or lack thereof on eHarmony and Match. But I keep trying and figure that it really is all those matches problem as they are the ones that have lost out.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #7  August 23,2009, 6:45pm
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is so in love!!

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joeyjoe wrote :
I tried three different dating sites, two of which are eHarmony and Match over the last 3 years. When I was on eHarmony, must had sent five + requests for communication daily. At one point, I had well north of one hundred open pending requests. I just finished my last month with Match. Even though I received like 3 - 4 "winks" per week, when replying to them, I got no response. In terms of cold contacts, I e-mailed, not winked, but e-mailed well north of 500 women. No hot super models. Average looking ladies. Maybe five total we had an e-mail correspondence. After a few of them, they just dropped off. If they did not respond, I did not run after them.

The third, date.com, was a complete waste of money and time. Zero responses whatsoever.

I just cannot seem to understand why. Tried all sorts of religions and "spiritual" ladies, no difference. Tried different age groups, no difference. Can I be just so so damn ugly that I could not get a single date? I am not overweight, not scrawny, but (or I guess now below) average looking. The profile I cut down from 2000 characters to less than 500. I have never been so depressed on these results. If I wasn't of somewhat of sound mind, this would devastate me. Close, but not there yet. Guess I just have learn to get more comfort in living solitudely single for life. What a waste of time, effort, money, sweat.
Don't be down on yourself. I have used at least 2 on-line dating services and 2 where you go in, get interviewed, take pics...whatever. Spent lots of money and it was all a waste of time and money. I don't use dating services anymore because I just don't have money to throw away like that. I guess I might consider it if I could find a free on-line service - otherwise, not for me. Don't be depressed about it - it's not you. I also have friends who have used them - same thing. Didn't work out.
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #8  August 23,2009, 6:49pm
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[QUOTE=D_Lion;719412]Again, this is not that uncommon. It will happen a lot.
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  August 23,2009, 6:53pm
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I try to meet within a week, so I am only communicating by e-mail as necessary to get her to feel safe to meet me. That's tended to be one to two weeks; longer than that and I lose interest.

Again, I don't find your experience that bad.
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #10  August 23,2009, 7:14pm
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Really? Other men here have received zilch responses from 500 + e-mails on Match and 100+ unresponded questions on eharmony? I could not conceive something like this to be happening often. Both companies would be out of business of many other men had my results.
 
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