sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #1  August 23,2009, 3:45pm
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My year-long subscription to eharmony is about to come to a close in a couple months. All I have gotten out of my membership is some dating experience. I'm a pretty shy person, and I didn't have much dating experience at all before I joined (I'm 21). Now I feel even worse about myself, because all of the almost 10 guys I've gone out on dates with, all lose interest after the first date or about 1 week after the first date (no second dates have been had). I didn't feel like all of these guys were perfect matches, but I can't help but wonder what is so undesirable about me that after what seems like a good date, the guy completely disappears.

There are dozens of other matches I've gotten during the past year that never responded at all, or closed due to "other" :-( I think we are all familiar with that one though. I don't really worry too much about those, but honestly, I don't think I have a bad profile. I even did all of the profile workshops we had going on on the forum at one time. I have many good quality pictures posted, and I don't think I'm a terrible-looking person.

My latest experience with a match seemed to be going really well. I had high hopes for it. We talked a lot, we went out on a very nice date. He kept stressing how much we had in common and seemed like he really wanted to make things work, was interested in me, and wanted to see me again.

We talked some more the week after our date, but then he had to cancel our date for that weekend at the last minute. We talked some a couple days after what should have been our second date, and I have not heard from him since. He had something big coming up this weekend and I knew he was busy, but now that's over (it was yesterday) and I still haven't heard anything. I texted a few times during the week, and yesterday to wish him luck, and never got a response. I know, I know, "He's Just Not That Interested". But seriously, what gives? What made this guy go from very interested to not at all interested in a week? What did I do? How can I ever get someone to hold interest for more than one week/one date? I'm sure I won't be renewing my eharmony subscription when it runs out, and I really feel like giving up on dating altogether.

I feel like I'm doomed to eternal loneliness or being constantly rejected if I keep putting myself out there.

Well, thanks for reading eharmony advice members. I didn't know what else to do :-(
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #2  August 23,2009, 4:10pm

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Save your money and don't renew your membership with EH. You can meet losers for free in real life.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  August 23,2009, 4:18pm
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Instead of giving up, why don't you put online dating on hold for a very long time. I can never understand why someone so young would do it in the first place. What is the rush? You have so much time ahead of you to meet people in the real world. I was only with EH for 6 months and I would have to say that my real life experiences meeting people until I eventually met the man I married were far better than my attempt at online dating since my divorce. It's different when you are in your late 30s--much harder to meet single people.

Too often, people get to the first date and there isn't the instant chemistry they want. I would want a spark too.

A guy losing interest after being so keen might just mean that he is really good at dating, being attentive and showing interest, but now he has met someone he likes better.

I am not sure why you would want someone who is not a good match to hold interest for more than one week. Would it be better if they poof after 3 weeks or 4?

I would give up on dating in the sense of actively looking for dates. Try finding some fun activities to do and meet people who enjoy the same things you do. That would be a far better strategy for your age range, IMO.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #4  August 23,2009, 5:09pm
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sillyramone wrote :
I feel like I'm doomed to eternal loneliness or being constantly rejected if I keep putting myself out there.

Well, thanks for reading eharmony advice members. I didn't know what else to do :-(
Definitely take a break from eH when your subscription runs out (and turn off matching so as not to give others a match who won't respond).

Then wait a while until you are feeling better about yourself. When you start feeling better turn your matching on and wait for the next 'deal' eH sends you for three months. You will get those pretty regularly, usually right around a free communication weekend.

The break will allow you to be in a better frame of mind when you rejoin instead of thinking about how long you've been a member for without finding a special someone.

I did that about four times over a three year period. It finally paid off with my last subscription. Patience was definitely a virtue for me!

As for your experiences with that one guy. He could be really busy, he could have been keeping his options open, or he just could be flaky. You'll never know, and that uncertainty is something you'll unfortunately just have to accept on eH.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  August 23,2009, 5:39pm
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You are approaching dating from the wrong perspective, dating is not about marriage. You need to see dating as an end itself, a time to have fun. You need to view dating as a time to find out about other people, what you want in a mate and what you don't want. You need to view dating as a time to find out about yourself, to grow and learn. View dating as a time to improve your skills, a place to pratice how you relate to other people.

According to your profile you either have just finished up at Community College or are still there. You may be continuing on with your education. At 21 you should still have many friends who are single. There should be opportunities to meet guys through all these places and eHarmony should just be one avenue that you may wish to use. In the early 20s age group I would expect meeting guys would be better in person through friends in and out of school than on eHarmony (even in Huntsville).

Dating is a numbers game, the more people you meet the better the odds of getting a date but YOU must be proactive.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #6  August 23,2009, 6:08pm
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Go on a hundred dates, then report back.
 
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sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #7  August 23,2009, 6:22pm
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Mr_Right wrote :
Go on a hundred dates, then report back.
Have you been one a hundred dates? Just curious.

Yeah I know 10 is not a lot, but striking out 10 out of 10 times is pretty depressing :-(
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #8  August 23,2009, 6:27pm
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sillyramone wrote :
Have you been one a hundred dates? Just curious.

Yeah I know 10 is not a lot, but striking out 10 out of 10 times is pretty depressing :-(
Mine was 54 in a year. I'm going to marry #55.

9 times out of 10, the date is not going to go anywhere.
 
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sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #9  August 23,2009, 6:34pm
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice so far.

Gr8Guy, I just got out of college, and I'm not going back to school this semester, but hopefully in the future. I am hoping to meet people when I go back to school or anywhere else in real life, but I've never had any luck with that sort of thing. That's why I joined eharmony in the first place. I'll try to expand my horizons a bit and hope for better luck, because I agree with everyone else about taking a break from online dating for awhile. I don't think dating is all about marriage, but I am trying to find someone to spend time with on a regular basis. I agree dating can be fun, and with everything else you said about dating actually, but I'm tired of going through the process of getting to know someone over and over, and it never leading to anything else
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #10  August 23,2009, 7:38pm
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You're not a good demographic for EH. You're really basically too young.

What do you have your max age set at? If it's not 30 or 35, there are just not very many guys younger than that that are so committed to finding a RELATIONSHIP that they're going to pay for EH.
 
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