Always Liking the "Wrong" type


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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #1  August 23,2009, 11:08am
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Often you can read about people who seem to consistantly be attracted to personalities that are exactly the WRONG "match" for them. It isn't that they are attracted to people who are actually "bad" - they are just a bad match. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm one of those folks, at least a little bit. But maybe also I just react differently to those "wrong" matches". It's baffling, and frustrating to say the least.

Has anyone ever found that true about themselves? If so, how have you dealt with it?

Thanks All
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  August 23,2009, 12:22pm
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There are many in your situation...they're just not ready to admit it. Bravo to you for at least entertaining the possibility that you might be part of your dating problem.

I don't have this problem, so I can't tell you how to deal with it. But best of luck.
Last edited by tbesq; August 23,2009 at 12:26pm.
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #3  August 23,2009, 1:55pm
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I don't have this problem either. I don't date people who are bad for me.

I don't drink or eat things that are bad for me.

I don't spend too much money, or cuss, or have any negative habits whatsoever.

...

Farking up is human nature. We all do it.

And really, as far as dating people who are "bad" for you, it's a simple fact that these people are easy to date. They call you back, compliment you, and do all the right things, to keep you coming back to them.

They're hard ~not~ to date.

It's just part of it.


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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #4  August 23,2009, 4:54pm
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Seneca wrote :
Often you can read about people who seem to consistantly be attracted to personalities that are exactly the WRONG "match" for them. It isn't that they are attracted to people who are actually "bad" - they are just a bad match. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm one of those folks, at least a little bit. But maybe also I just react differently to those "wrong" matches". It's baffling, and frustrating to say the least.

Has anyone ever found that true about themselves? If so, how have you dealt with it?

Thanks All
Would you please give an example or two of how you know they are bad matches for you? I am not sure I understand... there are so many kinds of badness out there.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  August 23,2009, 6:12pm
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Rainfallgirl wrote :
Would you please give an example or two of how you know they are bad matches for you? I am not sure I understand... there are so many kinds of badness out there.
Since the OP is not online at the moment I will give you some examples of what I think he is talking about. First he said "wrong" not "bad". Wrong matches would be that he is attracted to a person on some level then finds that they have a different value than he does on some item. Or it could be that he would be drawn to someone because of their "fun" nature but then be turned off because they are really all about partying as he gets to know them better.

It is not about them being bad people or that there is even anything wrong with their values or lifestyle (if that is the correct term to use) it is just that for him the person is not a well meshing match.
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 23,2009, 6:22pm
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This problem comes about because you do not know yourself as well as you think you do.

I would recommend that you may wish to read (at least the first few chapters) How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud. He address this problem and provides some ideas on how to go about determining where you are getting off track.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #7  August 23,2009, 6:22pm
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Seneca wrote :
Often you can read about people who seem to consistantly be attracted to personalities that are exactly the WRONG "match" for them. It isn't that they are attracted to people who are actually "bad" - they are just a bad match. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm one of those folks, at least a little bit. But maybe also I just react differently to those "wrong" matches". It's baffling, and frustrating to say the least.

Has anyone ever found that true about themselves? If so, how have you dealt with it?

Thanks All
He said wrong matches and bad matches... I just need some kind of example because it is so ambiguous. I mean if he was getting matched with people who smoke when he didn't or if he was getting matched with people who didn't like to do the activities he enjoyed... I just want to know the angle he is coming from.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #8  August 23,2009, 6:56pm
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An example... Ok... It happens that I am exceedingly attracted to women with a certain "look". That look could be described as sort of a "native American look - dark hair, dark eyes, high cheekbones and fine facial features. For whatever reason I almost seem to get mesmerized by, or at least "fall hard for", women like that.
I suspect most (or maybe all) of the problem is I may "overlook" adverse/incompatible personality traits early in the relationship - I mean traits that will be a poor match to me later, not that they are actually "bad" traits per se.

Howzzat ?
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #9  August 23,2009, 7:04pm
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Besides looks, how is the personality match?
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #10  August 23,2009, 7:59pm
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Seneca wrote :
An example... Ok... It happens that I am exceedingly attracted to women with a certain "look". That look could be described as sort of a "native American look - dark hair, dark eyes, high cheekbones and fine facial features. For whatever reason I almost seem to get mesmerized by, or at least "fall hard for", women like that.
I suspect most (or maybe all) of the problem is I may "overlook" adverse/incompatible personality traits early in the relationship - I mean traits that will be a poor match to me later, not that they are actually "bad" traits per se.

Howzzat ?
I was raised on the Canadian prairies where there is a large native American population and if you are saying you are attracted to aboriginal native American women then most likely the problem is a huge disparity in education and culture. It sounds racist however the fact is that most native Americans don't have the opportunity to get the same kind of education as the rest of America / Canada does. Sure, there are exceptions, but it is not the rule. I don't know your ethnic background but this could be part of the problem. There is also a lot of drug abuse, alcoholism and physical/sexual/child abuse in the communities I am familiar with and this could cause some long-term psychological issues for sure.
 
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