Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #1  August 23,2009, 5:56am
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Ok say your dating a fellow, who is really good at home renovations. Your's needs some! He offers to do them for you. You like him, but you know in your heart that he is probably not the one. But you really can't afford to hire professionals to do the work. Do you continue to date him and have the reno's done for "free"! Well I guess free is not the word I should be using, maybe "favors" Kinda like the movie East of Eden, when Rosie O'Donnell was asked by that guy that he would act out her biggest fantasy, and she replied, "Paint my house!"
Let's be honest here, as honest as we can be!
 
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grneydldy is offline grneydldy Post #2  August 23,2009, 6:02am
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Honestly, there is absolutely no way I would allow anyone to do things for me if I had no interest in that person. My renovation needs are my problem, not his, and I have no business using someone else. If he really likes you and you 'use' him, then he's probably going to think all women are like that and we aren't. I completely live by the Golden Rule; sometimes life is more difficult because I choose to live this way, but I am proud of the way I conduct myself. Hire a contractor, do the renos yourself, or tell this guy up front how you feel and let him decide if he still wants to help you.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #3  August 23,2009, 6:16am
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Nope. It would be extremely manipulative and show a real lack of character to exploit another person like that.

OTOH, if you have a friend or group of friends with whom you can exchange work hours and skills, then helping out is great. Sort of like the old barn raisings. It would require some clear, mutually agreed-upon expectations and boundaries.

But not at the expense of someone's heart. It's callous and self-centered.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  August 23,2009, 6:21am
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Oh my...
I think it's time to go to sleep and dream of something happy!
 
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CJF is offline CJF Post #5  August 23,2009, 6:23am
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I believe that would be called taking advantage of someone.

I stick by the rule to treat others as I want to be treated. That does not mean using someone to make your life better.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #6  August 23,2009, 6:36am
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Nope, I wouldn't feel good about myself if I did so it's a big no!
 
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Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #7  August 23,2009, 6:45am
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CJF wrote :
I believe that would be called taking advantage of someone.

I stick by the rule to treat others as I want to be treated. That does not mean using someone to make your life better.
But wait a minute here, if he knows that you like him, but have been up front with him that you are unsure of the relationship going anywhere, what's wrong with that?
You're getting what you want and he get's what he wants, "friends with benefits"..so to speak!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 23,2009, 6:49am
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Absolutely not, that would be deceitful and dishonest.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  August 23,2009, 6:51am
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Ladyjuju wrote :
But wait a minute here, if he knows that you like him, but have been up front with him that you are unsure of the relationship going anywhere, what's wrong with that?
You're getting what you want and he get's what he wants, "friends with benefits"..so to speak!
If you are not interested in someone just move on. Maybe you can find "the one" who is also a builder or competent DIYer.
 
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CJF is offline CJF Post #10  August 23,2009, 6:54am
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Ladyjuju wrote :
But wait a minute here, if he knows that you like him, but have been up front with him that you are unsure of the relationship going anywhere, what's wrong with that?
You're getting what you want and he get's what he wants, "friends with benefits"..so to speak!
In your first post you said "You like him, but you know in your heart that he is probably not the one." That means you are pretty sure there will be no relationship.

What actually does he get out of it? Time with someone who doesn't want to be with him? I like a lot of people....that doesn't mean I am going to take advantage of their skills with free "benefits".
 
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