BLESS77 is offline BLESS77 Post #1  August 21,2009, 10:01pm
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I am soooooo ready for some FOOTBALL!!!

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Ok, so I was just having a discussion with one of my cousins stemming from another cousin asking me why I was still single. Instead of answering with the same old "I haven't found anyone yet", I decided to turn the tables and ask them (they're both guys) would they date me if we weren't related.

They both said no because they'd be too intimidated by me. They assured me that I was very attractive but they just can't get over the fact that I am "too smart" for them as they put it.

The 2nd one went on to say that men need to feel needed and I know how to do too many things which may cause a man to feel like I he can't do anything for me. He also said that a man would feel like he always has to be on his "A game" with me since I come across as being so put together.

I was really floored because I hadn't realized that knowing what I want out of life and being able to do many things for myself (much of which was learned out of necessity considering I've been a single mom for the last 14 years) could be considered a bad thing.

I realize that not every man is going to want a woman that can talk sports with him and help him fix things but I honestly thought that my ability to cook, nurture and still make him feel like a man would balance that out, making me attractive to those that wouldn't mind my occasional PTI/Around the Horn/NFL Network rant.

What can I do to soften up while still being me? I'd love any feedback from the men and women. Thanks in advance!
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  August 21,2009, 10:21pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Why would you want to change anything about yourself? Knock their heads together and ignore their advice! There are many men out there who cannot stand needy, clingy women, and guess what? You fit the bill!

In all seriousness, you can't base your future on what two men say to you, especially if you don't happen to be their type, and it doesn't matter if they're your best guy friends or if they are family. There is nothing wrong with you--except the fact that you think there is something wrong with you. Appreciate the person you are, and you will find men who will do the same.

Best of luck to you!
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #3  August 21,2009, 11:13pm
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They told you that men want a woman who needs them?

I think you should have posted that in the really stupid dating advice thread.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  August 21,2009, 11:16pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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First of all, don't put too much credence in what they tell you. People don't like to hurt others feelings and so you oftentimes won't get the real truth from them.

Regarding intelligence...I'm not put off by intelligence, but can be put off by an attitude of 'know it all' or someone who tries to impress others with their knowledge. I have no way of knowing if that's you or not.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  August 21,2009, 11:23pm
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BLESS77 wrote :
Ok, so I was just having a discussion with one of my cousins stemming from another cousin asking me why I was still single. Instead of answering with the same old "I haven't found anyone yet", I decided to turn the tables and ask them (they're both guys) would they date me if we weren't related.

They both said no because they'd be too intimidated by me. They assured me that I was very attractive but they just can't get over the fact that I am "too smart" for them as they put it.

The 2nd one went on to say that men need to feel needed and I know how to do too many things which may cause a man to feel like I he can't do anything for me. He also said that a man would feel like he always has to be on his "A game" with me since I come across as being so put together.

I was really floored because I hadn't realized that knowing what I want out of life and being able to do many things for myself (much of which was learned out of necessity considering I've been a single mom for the last 14 years) could be considered a bad thing.

I realize that not every man is going to want a woman that can talk sports with him and help him fix things but I honestly thought that my ability to cook, nurture and still make him feel like a man would balance that out, making me attractive to those that wouldn't mind my occasional PTI/Around the Horn/NFL Network rant.

What can I do to soften up while still being me? I'd love any feedback from the men and women. Thanks in advance!
one thing i heard from my ex repeatedly is "you dont need me".

he was right.

but i tend to agree with your cousins. you should be yourself but let guys do stuff for you even if you can do it yourself because a guy that likes you will want to do for you. doesnt mean you cant be smart and capable. be that. i think most men want appreciation for what they do so its really important to sincerely thank them.

its not about not being yourself or catering to a man. its about closing a chasm between men and women.


 
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BLESS77 is offline BLESS77 Post #6  August 21,2009, 11:29pm
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I am soooooo ready for some FOOTBALL!!!

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Thanks for responding ya'll!

No, I don't think there's much of anything wrong with me. I just need some fine tuning (has a lot to do with my bluntness ). I also can't stand people who act like they know it all. I definitely don't give out that vibe...at least I've never had anyone point that out. Plus, I have a few friends and family members who are comfortable enough/have no problem asking me the most stupid of questions. LOL

I've been thinking more about the whole conversation and I guess what the underlying thing is that when you're getting into the dating arena you just want to make sure that you're putting your best foot forward and displaying your "best side". KWIM (Know What I Mean?)
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #7  August 22,2009, 12:22am
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Here are some traps women get into with me that turn me off:

1) They don't show appreciation in anything I do foir them.

2) Their words and actions don't match up. They don't follow through with what they tell me.They will tell me everything is ok, then bottle it up and lash out at me later.

3) Unpredictable and flighty. The older I get, the predictable I want my woman.

4) Always have a "crisis" and I have to bail them out all the time. I can't deal with rollercoaster drama.

In summary, I am looking for a good, solid communicator who is predictable, strives to create mutual trust, and is consistent.

Good communication eliminates drama and lets us focus on the finer, enjoyable, more romantic parts of the relationship.

It sounds simple, but many women I have met seem to take communication for granted.

I sense the OP needs to focus more on communication.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #8  August 22,2009, 12:26am
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If a woman doesn't show appreciation for her man and doesn't strive to communicate with him, it will be difficult to attract men.

Men don't want to feel like they have to "guess" or "wonder" or that they are being taken for granted
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  August 22,2009, 5:50am
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gothustartus wrote :
They told you that men want a woman who needs them?

I think you should have posted that in the really stupid dating advice thread.
You may choose to disagree but the psychological needs of men are to Profess, Provide and Protect. This is "to be needed".
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  August 22,2009, 5:54am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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BLESS77 wrote :
Ok, so I was just having a discussion with one of my cousins stemming from another cousin asking me why I was still single. Instead of answering with the same old "I haven't found anyone yet", I decided to turn the tables and ask them (they're both guys) would they date me if we weren't related.

They both said no because they'd be too intimidated by me. They assured me that I was very attractive but they just can't get over the fact that I am "too smart" for them as they put it.

The 2nd one went on to say that men need to feel needed and I know how to do too many things which may cause a man to feel like I he can't do anything for me. He also said that a man would feel like he always has to be on his "A game" with me since I come across as being so put together.

I was really floored because I hadn't realized that knowing what I want out of life and being able to do many things for myself (much of which was learned out of necessity considering I've been a single mom for the last 14 years) could be considered a bad thing.

I realize that not every man is going to want a woman that can talk sports with him and help him fix things but I honestly thought that my ability to cook, nurture and still make him feel like a man would balance that out, making me attractive to those that wouldn't mind my occasional PTI/Around the Horn/NFL Network rant.

What can I do to soften up while still being me? I'd love any feedback from the men and women. Thanks in advance!
Everybody here hates Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady - Think Like a Man but you may want to read what he has to say about your situation in chapter 13, Strong, Independent - and Lonely - Women.
 
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