IM's for hours, but hasn't initiated a meeting


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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #1  August 21,2009, 2:41pm
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Been chatting, via IM, with a guy for a couple of weeks now. Every night, he pings me, and we IM for up to several hours. Great conversations, witty, etc., but he never has made a move to take the conversations even to the phone, let alone a real-life meeting.

I've tried not logging in for several days, so that he would "miss" talking to me so much, that when he'd log in, he'd finally make the move to meet. But no, he pings me the instant I do log in, and the IM'ing continues.

I've tried to chat much less with him, so that our IM sessions don't go on for hours, but still, nothing.

He seems to really enjoy chatting with me, and he's told me many times how pretty I am. And I know he's very single; in fact, we're both 2 years out of relationships.

He's made comments such as "I'll give that to you (referring to a CD)", or "I'll show to you" (referring to a time when we'll see each other, but he's never asked for a meeting.

I've always been the girl who lets the guy make those types of moves, while I enthusiastically show interest.

I don't want to continue so much with the IM'ing, creating the false bond, etc. Been there, done that.

But I'm really attracted to him, and do want to meet. What is the deal?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #2  August 21,2009, 2:48pm

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So I am assuming you moved to IM'ing from some sort of dating site...

I usually wait for the guy to ask me out too but I had an eH match that was the same way. He seemed content to continue in open communication indefinitely.

I just sweetly one day asked, "So, are you going to ask me out??" Ha! Ha! And he did.

I think some guys just need to know you want to meet.

Give it a try and see what happens.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  August 21,2009, 2:54pm
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #4  August 21,2009, 3:04pm
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Ha! The last time this happened to me, was on EH, like LizziePooh, where he stayed in OC forever.

I finally nudged him (not official EH nudge, but a nudge nonetheless) that I was available on xyz days, and I enjoyed xyz places. He picked up on the hint and suggested a date/place. He turned out to be the biggest DUD on the planet! Which is why now, I like to move to at least the phone call sooner, if not the actual F2F meeting.

Maybe I have to do that with this guy....
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  August 21,2009, 4:18pm
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I am assuming that this is not a long distance thing.

Some dating "gurus" suggest spending a very long time in electronic communication before meeting. Some people like to follow this procedure. I prefer to meet fairly soon as I would presume that you do. I would say that you just need to suggest meeting.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  August 21,2009, 10:24pm

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ZisaGirl wrote :
Been chatting, via IM, with a guy for a couple of weeks now. Every night, he pings me, and we IM for up to several hours. Great conversations, witty, etc., but he never has made a move to take the conversations even to the phone, let alone a real-life meeting.

I've tried not logging in for several days, so that he would "miss" talking to me so much, that when he'd log in, he'd finally make the move to meet. But no, he pings me the instant I do log in, and the IM'ing continues.

I've tried to chat much less with him, so that our IM sessions don't go on for hours, but still, nothing.

He seems to really enjoy chatting with me, and he's told me many times how pretty I am. And I know he's very single; in fact, we're both 2 years out of relationships.

He's made comments such as "I'll give that to you (referring to a CD)", or "I'll show to you" (referring to a time when we'll see each other, but he's never asked for a meeting.

I've always been the girl who lets the guy make those types of moves, while I enthusiastically show interest.

I don't want to continue so much with the IM'ing, creating the false bond, etc. Been there, done that.

But I'm really attracted to him, and do want to meet. What is the deal?

It's rather simple tell him that you've enjoyed IM-ing with him, but it's time to move on to bigger and better things like the phone or possibly meeting for lunch (Dutch Treat.)! That's called punting the football to him and you wait for his reply on the IM, if none is forth coming it called a fumble and it was nice chatting with you and I'll see you around! Bye!

Harvey7.
 
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dadist is offline dadist Post #7  August 22,2009, 2:01am
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The internet is a funny place. Emails and IMing are not real forms of communication to me so I want to meet as soon as a woman is comfortable so I can truly get to know someone. I have found women think that they are safer waiting an eternity before meeting, the truth is a monster is a monster after one email or a hundred. Because of this fear that women have I only hint at wanting to meet, I leave it up to them for when they feel comfortable. You can't be old fashioned and use the internet as a dating tool, the internet didn't exist a hundred years ago.

Get with the times, and if you are interested ask him to meet or his phone number.
 
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #8  August 22,2009, 6:52am
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I've been on & off of internet dating for many years now, and I, too, have learned that it's much better to meet sooner.

In fact, this weekend, I am meeting 3 guys (already met 1), all went from very quick email exchanges/IM's to deciding to meet. I have 2 that I'm meeting today; will see how they go. All 3 initiated the meeting, so it made that part easy.

You can develop such false intimacy online, or even on the phone. Years ago, I developed a LDR with a guy via IM & phone. When we finally met in person, it was great...the first couple of times. Then, true colors come out, and it was like....whoa....no way. This took about 6 months total; had we just met in person earlier, spent more time together, we'd have figured it all out much sooner.

So back to this guy....he works at this place that I've always loved, and in one of our IM sessions, he offered me a full tour. I think that in our next IM session, I'll tell him I'd like to take him up on it...and see where it goes.

As for what the dating gurus say, that it's better to spend more time online, I couldn't disagree more. Nothing beats a F2F, look-into-their-eyes meeting.

The guy I met yesterday, there's no WAY I'd have met him just from our IM conversations. His profile was nice, but he had...bad? IM skills. But in person he was quite lovely. Too bad he has 6 kids, ages 4-14! Drat...I just can't do that.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #9  August 22,2009, 9:03am
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ZisaGirl wrote :
So back to this guy....he works at this place that I've always loved, and in one of our IM sessions, he offered me a full tour. I think that in our next IM session, I'll tell him I'd like to take him up on it...and see where it goes.
That sounds like a great plan for a first meet. He gets to show off what he knows about the place and you don't have to sit staring at each other across a table (which I think can be a little like a job interview for a first date).

Good luck! I hope you get your tour!
Last edited by MelinCali; August 22,2009 at 9:03am. Reason: 6 kids?? Yikes!! Way to many for me too!!!
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #10  August 22,2009, 9:56am
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Some guys have been rejected so many times that they have an unhealthy fear of coming out and making the next move. If you really like the guy subtly ask if he wants to talk on the phone. If he does than go from there. Hopefully he eventually gets the hint and asks you out.
 
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