KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #1  August 21,2009, 7:27am
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After reading many threads on this board and seeing many people posting about how they've been closed out because of their picture and such I just really have to ask does it really come down to looks?

I'm only confused on this point as I personally have never lacked dates when I wanted them. I have far from the ideal body type but that's never been an issue, and I've never been dumped for being "too fat" Mostly because I'm upfront about it in the first place.

The one thing I have noticed while checking out profiles on the various dating sites I've tried is the lack of personality in the majority of profiles. IMO if a guy has a good looking picture but his profile his ho-hum he gets dud status in my opinion. On the other hand a guy who is ok in the looks department but has a stellar personality that shines in his profile is going to really catch my interest.

*edit: [a few people (not including the author) like to use the excuse] that men are visual and women are intellectual, but there really has to be more to it than that. I know that having a little confidence in yourself goes a long way.

So let me put this question to you, so that it might be helpful to those who feel they'll never get a date based on looks, BESIDES looks, what qualities attract you to another person?
Last edited by KiskaKitty; August 21,2009 at 8:18am.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #2  August 21,2009, 7:39am
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For a lot of people, it IS just about looks (height, weight, hair color, etc.) - most of them will use that as their primary culling strategy, and only look at personality, ethics, quirks, etc. later. It does have the advantage of insuring that the "survivors" of the second round of selections possess the attributes they consider sexually appealing.

I'd say just as many people go the opposite way, and filter for personality first and then let in-person chemistry (or lack of it) determine whether the match is attractive. This way, you do get an expanded pool of possibilities to meet.

Then there are some who select first for other things, like income, career field, religion, politics, etc.

It depends on a person's priorities. If you're after looks, that's what comes first. If you're after emotional connections, or a political ally, then that comes first.

I looked for keen intellect (usually could tell by education and profession, but sometimes through the way the profile was composed), a sense of humor (again, the profile), complementary (not identical) interests, and geographic proximity. It took a bit over six months, but I found a great guy who met all that, and more. Coincidentally or not, he didn't yet have a photo posted when I contacted him.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #3  August 21,2009, 7:46am
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So let me put this question to you, so that it might be helpful to those who feel they'll never get a date based on looks, BESIDES looks, what qualities attract you to another person?

Really, it is looks that 1st attract you to a person. Do you walk up to people you don't find attractive and spark up a conversation in hopes to find those inner qualities?

Looks is the 1st and foremost that attracts me. But I don't base my entire judgment on those looks. Other qualities I like a humor, being open, intelligence, character, etc. But you can't see those until you talk to that person.
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #4  August 21,2009, 7:56am
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islandrain80 wrote :
So let me put this question to you, so that it might be helpful to those who feel they'll never get a date based on looks, BESIDES looks, what qualities attract you to another person?

Really, it is looks that 1st attract you to a person. Do you walk up to people you don't find attractive and spark up a conversation in hopes to find those inner qualities?

Looks is the 1st and foremost that attracts me. But I don't base my entire judgment on those looks. Other qualities I like a humor, being open, intelligence, character, etc. But you can't see those until you talk to that person.
I have to disagree that looks is the only attraction factor (though they may be for most people). The majority of people that I have had a relationship with were not attractive to me at first glance. As I got to know them more as a person, the more I became attracted to them physically as well as emotionally. Some of my best/strongest relationships were formed this way.

The shallowest/weakest relationships I had were based on looks only. Sadly or not, beyond looks they didn't have much else to offer.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #5  August 21,2009, 8:00am
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KiskaKitty wrote :
I have to disagree that looks is the only attraction factor (though they may be for most people). The majority of people that I have had a relationship with were not attractive to me at first glance. As I got to know them more as a person, the more I became attracted to them physically as well as emotionally. Some of my best/strongest relationships were formed this way.

The shallowest/weakest relationships I had were based on looks only. Sadly or not, beyond looks they didn't have much else to offer.
I'm not saying it's the only factor, but I'm saying it's the main factor that will make you want to get to know someone. It doesn't have to be the entire package, maybe the eyes or smile. I'm sure there was something that physically attracted you to the people you've met, and gotten to know, and became more attracted to.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #6  August 21,2009, 8:01am
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Spider wrote :
I looked for keen intellect (usually could tell by education and profession,
That was always a big problem for me, i didn't go to Uni or even college when i left school, A) i'd had enough of it and wanted to start earning some cash and B) they turned me down.
I've done some quite manual jobs in the past like working in the postal service or as a warehouseman, and the girlfriend i had at the time often seemed a bit embarrassed that even though i could hold my own in conversation with her friends i wasn't really interested in getting better qualifications or a more white collar job.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 21,2009, 8:03am
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KiskaKitty wrote :
After reading many threads on this board and seeing many people posting about how they've been closed out because of their picture and such I just really have to ask does it really come down to looks?

I'm only confused on this point as I personally have never lacked dates when I wanted them. I have far from the ideal body type but that's never been an issue, and I've never been dumped for being "too fat" Mostly because I'm upfront about it in the first place.

The one thing I have noticed while checking out profiles on the various dating sites I've tried is the lack of personality in the majority of profiles. IMO if a guy has a good looking picture but his profile his ho-hum he gets dud status in my opinion. On the other hand a guy who is ok in the looks department but has a stellar personality that shines in his profile is going to really catch my interest.

I know it's been said that men are visual and women are intellectual, but there really has to be more to it than that. I know that having a little confidence in yourself goes a long way.

So let me put this question to you, so that it might be helpful to those who feel they'll never get a date based on looks, BESIDES looks, what qualities attract you to another person?
This is a stereotype that I find both incorrect and offensive. I have yet to meet the woman that is any less visual than a man. Usually they are far more visual.
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #8  August 21,2009, 8:12am
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islandrain80 wrote :
I'm not saying it's the only factor, but I'm saying it's the main factor that will make you want to get to know someone. It doesn't have to be the entire package, maybe the eyes or smile. I'm sure there was something that physically attracted you to the people you've met, and gotten to know, and became more attracted to.
You still missed the point of my original question which was to give some qualities that attract you besides just looks. your answer was looks 1st attract you. I was was trying to look for something deeper, with the point being that there are qualities and behaviors that we all have that are either attractive or unattractive to potential partners.

For example, I've always been complimented by my partners for being a strong woman. They've cited it as one of the reasons they were attracted to me.

I just want to go beyond looks, because looks can't be changed (ok they can with extensive surgery, lots of money, and hard work). I do believe there are things people can change about themselves, whether it be ideas, behaviors or attitudes, that don't require money and surgery to achieve (sorry hard work still applies). Does that make more sense?
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #9  August 21,2009, 8:16am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
This is a stereotype that I find both incorrect and offensive. I have yet to meet the woman that is any less visual than a man. Usually they are far more visual.
Apparently you might be right on that account. My apologies. I was not trying to be offensive. In fact I am reminded of a study conducted recently about women and porn, and how watching porn helps them become aroused easier. I think I was just trying to avoid the argument that I've noticed that (must be the minority) like to use about men being visual. I merely want to discuss things beyond looks.

*edited my first post in attempt to clarify my intentions
Last edited by KiskaKitty; August 21,2009 at 8:20am.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #10  August 21,2009, 8:18am
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KiskaKitty wrote :
You still missed the point of my original question which was to give some qualities that attract you besides just looks. your answer was looks 1st attract you. I was was trying to look for something deeper, with the point being that there are qualities and behaviors that we all have that are either attractive or unattractive to potential partners.

For example, I've always been complimented by my partners for being a strong woman. They've cited it as one of the reasons they were attracted to me.

I just want to go beyond looks, because looks can't be changed (ok they can with extensive surgery, lots of money, and hard work). I do believe there are things people can change about themselves, whether it be ideas, behaviors or attitudes, that don't require money and surgery to achieve (sorry hard work still applies). Does that make more sense?
I did get the point of your post. And I did reply with other qualities that attract me to a man. I just stated looks is what initially gets my attention. As I get to know a person better either they become better looking or uglier.
 
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