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grlnxtdr grlnxtdr is offline
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Dating a bunch of people at one time can get confusing. Do the guys know you are dating more than just them? How long have you been dating several guys. In my experience, dating more than one person at a time is great, it helps keep things into perspective and you do not focus too much energy on one person.
My advice, keep getting to know these guys. If you are still having a great time with each of them, then why stop a good thing. When you are no longer having a good time with one of them, then that is a good sign that he won't make "the cut." Now I am assuming you have not been dating these guys for months and months, cuz then emotions and a true relationship can not grow without exculsivity. If that is the case then I think you should make a choice. But if it has only been a couple of weeks or dates, then keep having fun and dating all of them, you will eventually naturally lose interest in some of them.
Good Luck, and enjoy the "rain" (dates,) cuz when it rains it pours..and when its dry, its dry....
- August 21st, 2009, 11:16 am
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Ms666 Ms666 is offline
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It's been my experience that as soon as I start thinking one guy is the one I want to focus on, he withdraws...

Having a 'backup' or two may not be the right choice for everyone, but it sure does make the pain of rejection fade more quickly. To each his own, but from the way you say "I hate to pick the wrong one" makes me think you are not sure yourself. I wouldn't burn any bridges until I knew I was sure. JMHO.
- August 21st, 2009, 11:47 am
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You are ready to be in a relationship, it seems, more so than you are ready to know with whom?... Odd don't you think? It seems the concept of "relationship" is more important than the man..... If you are even wondering or have a slightest doubt about "the wrong one" Then why are you jumping into "a relationship", rather than dating? It is fair to date until you are sure who suits you.
Psycue wrote :
Well, I have been patient and have meet some very good people. Now I want to narrow down the people I'm dating because frankly, I'm can't concentrate on more than one person at a time andI'm ready to enter into a relationship. See my rather complex problem is choosing who? These guys (3) are great and I hate to pick the wrong one. My luck is I will tell the other guys I'm in a relationship now and the guy will not be ready for one a week later and I'm back at square one. Any thoughts?
- August 21st, 2009, 01:17 pm
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Dafearon Dafearon is offline
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Ms666 wrote :
It's been my experience that as soon as I start thinking one guy is the one I want to focus on, he withdraws...

Having a 'backup' or two may not be the right choice for everyone, but it sure does make the pain of rejection fade more quickly. To each his own, but from the way you say "I hate to pick the wrong one" makes me think you are not sure yourself. I wouldn't burn any bridges until I knew I was sure. JMHO.
I suspect the OP wants to stop dating multiple people and just stick with one. What she really wants is a relationship now. However, she doesn't want to choose the wrong one. That was the gist of my advice.

With your viewpoint, there's a difference between "focus" and choosing. When i was dating multiple people, I had a "focus" or a better term would be "favorite". The favorite will be the one I most likely wanted something exclusive with, but we haven't gotten to that point. Favorites, can also change depending on what happens on each date with each different date. It sort of became a race of who would cross the exclusive zone first. I just had to be flexible and not deceive anyone, and everything turned out well.

The hard part, is when the race is close, but you have to make a choice because one person HAS crossed into the zone where exclusivity is discuss and agreed upon and you have to cut the other ones loose. When i had to do it, one took it very well, one took it neutrally, and one was devastated.
- August 21st, 2009, 01:26 pm
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jayjay wrote :
How long have you been seeing these 3?

I have been dating about 1 to 2 months for each but its truly dating meaning dinners and a lot of interesting conversation about future goals, interests over the phone.
- August 22nd, 2009, 08:33 am
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Personally, if I was dating 3 women and none of them really stood out as exceptional then I don't think any of them would be someone I'd want to choose. If any one of them is basically as good as the other...maybe you should be looking for something better. ?
- August 22nd, 2009, 09:08 am
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There are some very interesting responses here.
I'm not good at multiple dating. Its time consuming, and exhausting with going out and remembering what experience goes with who but I'm very honest with these guys that I'm dating and not exclusive to any one person. My ultimate goal is a good and healthy relationship and Eharmony, in this case, gave me some very good matches. One stands out more because of his circumstances, no kids never been married like myself, but the others I considered seasoned because one has been married and the other has been married and has two children. They talk with more confidence in what they want.
Honestly, if I try with one person and it does not work out, I would not try to reconnect with the others but start over and even though I really don't want to start over, I will...that's what life is about, trying. Its funny because in life you can do and be what you want by improving yourself and striving for excellence but relationship is about choosing someone who is also choosing you.
- August 22nd, 2009, 09:20 am
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grlnxtdr grlnxtdr is offline
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Psycue wrote :
There are some very interesting responses here.
I'm not good at multiple dating. Its time consuming, and exhausting with going out and remembering what experience goes with who but I'm very honest with these guys that I'm dating and not exclusive to any one person. My ultimate goal is a good and healthy relationship and Eharmony, in this case, gave me some very good matches. One stands out more because of his circumstances, no kids never been married like myself, but the others I considered seasoned because one has been married and the other has been married and has two children. They talk with more confidence in what they want.
Honestly, if I try with one person and it does not work out, I would not try to reconnect with the others but start over and even though I really don't want to start over, I will...that's what life is about, trying. Its funny because in life you can do and be what you want by improving yourself and striving for excellence but relationship is about choosing someone who is also choosing you.
Well it sounds like in a way, you have narrowed them down. They sound like they each are very different from each other, so at least the race is not neck and neck. What I did when I was dating mulitple men, I made a list of all the qualities I needed in a partner...kind of like an extended must have/can't stand. With the knowledge I had of each, I checked the box or didn't ...the list was very extensive and most of the stuff was not superficial. It really helped me figure out if my needs would be met with a certain guy. After I didn't check some boxes on a couple of the guys, I anylyzed why I didn't think he was a good fit. Attraction played a very minor role in my choice, it played into it, but good looks only go so far in a relationship. It could also help you determine if maybe you need to date them more to really figure out if they meet you long term partner needs. Of course you can only know so much about a person in two months but "the list" can help keep you focused on what you really need.
Well some pratical advice to an emotional problem..I know a list takes the "romance" out, but it can really clarify things for you. Good luck.
- August 22nd, 2009, 04:35 pm
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Psycue wrote :
One stands out more because of his circumstances, no kids never been married like myself, but the others I considered seasoned because one has been married and the other has been married and has two children. They talk with more confidence in what they want.

Honestly, if I try with one person and it does not work out, I would not try to reconnect with the others but start over and even though I really don't want to start over, I will...that's what life is about, trying. Its funny because in life you can do and be what you want by improving yourself and striving for excellence but relationship is about choosing someone who is also choosing you.
Does 'trying' with the one that stands out mean that you have to sever the connection with the other two?

It sounds like you have been pretty up front with these guys (kudos to you for that).

It just seems natural that someone who has been through a divorce would know more what they are looking for than someone who has never been married.

Life is about making choices. Go with the three until you are sure, unless one or more of them make the decision for you and go their own way.
- August 22nd, 2009, 04:46 pm
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