"Downsides of online dating" ?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  August 20,2009, 5:13pm
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Do you agree with the points made in this article?

The downside of online dating - CNN.com

Why or why not?

For those who don't want to read, the gist of it:

-Online dating lets you "stalk" your dates by seeing when they updated their profile, etc.

-The volume of people online makes it easy to be "weirdly picky"

-Online daters are looking for an "instant spark" and are unwilling to give time for compatibility to shine through

-It's easier to be "mean" and quickly reject people online for things like not having a picture, etc.

What do YOU think?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  August 20,2009, 5:23pm
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-Online dating lets you "stalk" your dates by seeing when they updated their profile, etc.
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Last edited by D_Lion; August 21,2009 at 2:07pm. Reason: Why, oh why, would the moderator want this lovely post?!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  August 20,2009, 5:26pm
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There are more serious downsides, though:
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #4  August 20,2009, 5:38pm
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I think a case can be made for any of the items addressed in this article if you're really into being skeptical and pointing fingers at people. I'm sure that there are many of us who have been guilty of doing some of these things, as well, just based on the threads posted here. However, I think online dating is just like anything else in life: You get out of it what you are willing to put into it. That said, though, it sounds like the author talked to four people--hardly enough to prove anything, and probably people with whom she is familiar.

The one thing that really stood out to me in this article is the whole "mean thing." I do find that there are some very mean-spirited people online, and maybe I'm just naive, but I don't think these people would have the courage to say half the things they say online to a person's face. The anonymity of a computer screen, combined with the safety of one's own home, does make for a cozy environment for this kind of behavior. I also think people are more willing to test the waters with this kind of behavior in a forum such as this because it's so easy to do. They just keep pushing and pushing until someone either pushes back or until they get banned.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #5  August 20,2009, 5:49pm
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I think that a huge downside is the number of misconceptions that occur.

Somehow many people reading a profile will put an extremely negative slant on a very positive statement.

Many assumptions are made from little information.

It seems that people have trouble conceptualizing a real person on the other end.

In the case of eH, I find it very difficult to close someone based on MHCS because they are so vague. I think that happens way too much especially because some answers there totally contradict the actual personality of the person. I have read very in depth profiles that depict someone to be very laid back & open-minded while the MHCS would totally contradict that. I would give far more weight to the written word than the MHCS. The short profiles can be off in that same way.

Why do people have different criteria for online meetings than they do for in person meetings??

People say that they LOVE meeting new people yet they don't actually meet nearly as many people as they could.

People make it much harder than it has to be.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  August 20,2009, 5:53pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Recently what I've especially been noticing is there seems to be a real initial barrier in meeting someone online. Women seem to be reticent and to 'play it cool' in online communication. I sort of get the feeling that they're deciding if I'm 'good enough' for them to meet.

Then....when we actually meet in person it's the opposite and they're quite insecure, trying to make a good impression and jump at the chance to see me again. It has seemed like there's a real disconnect between the way they come off online and in person.
 
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passat1 is offline passat1 Post #7  August 20,2009, 6:11pm
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It all depends on how seiously people are looking for relationship they need it. Some are really trying hard and willing to make compromises, others are very "firm" and not willing to step back from their position.
Yet perhaps some only joined because of peer pressure- It's modern on these days to have social networking profile( in myspace, facebook, twitter ). Although eharmony seems to be different it has to be resturctured some way, so such a matches get filtered before they enter into establishing dating profiles and then later do nothing with it or compete against other firends, who will get most points for closing matches. And yes it should not be looked as the way the dating occurs. I consider it just as the possibilty to meet different people, initially on internet, but sooner or later you should bring the contacts into the real world. yo don't expect to make cyber physical contacts and cyber sex for instance. Let's say if you like hard rock you'll go to hard rock/ heavy meatl club, but you shouldnt be limited to only this kind of contacts. For instance the rivalry between Red Sox and Yankees fans is well known. However internet dating shouldnt be the only what you don't like, you should rather focus on what you like in the other person. if you only acting like - 'whats up with this Yankee dude, he's got absolutely no chances with me"-that is emotions reaction only and not following any other characteristics that person has, is not making you very intellectual person, if you cant keep your emotinos under control. Of course all the precautions should be considered too, as some people have a differnet purposes for bieng on the sites and some are very hard to be discovered and eliminated in advance.
Last edited by passat1; August 20,2009 at 6:17pm.
 
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cinnamongal is offline cinnamongal Post #8  August 20,2009, 6:25pm
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One thing I've noticed with online dating is it's almost like a revolving door of potential dates. It's too easy to just pre-judge somebody, reject them and then say.."next"..
 
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tazzybabygirl is offline tazzybabygirl Post #9  August 20,2009, 6:36pm
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I especially agree with the part about people expecting an instant spark. I've been on first dates where the conversation flowed, we laughed, had much in common, yet they call the next day to say they just didn't feel that spark.

I would also have to agree with the weirdly picky part. I mean, I've been guilty of ruling out a guy who hadn't taken the time to fill out his profile completely. Logically I have to remind myself, some people are just better at face to face communication than they are at written communication. I know I'm more comfortable in person.
 
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Robert_inSD is offline Robert_inSD Post #10  August 20,2009, 6:50pm
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passat1 wrote :
It all depends on how seriously people are looking for relationship they need it. Some are really trying hard and willing to make compromises, others are very "firm" and not willing to step back from their position.
Long post, but a lot of good insights Passat1! On line dating is only an introduction, and it takes meeting and interacting in person to verify your compatibility. There are risks from on line communication, so protect yourself by meeting in a public place.

On line stalking is a potential risk However, I've found that my eHarmony matches have not been a problem thus far, in 5 months of service. Free email addresses can be created with accounts on web services such as Yahoo or Gmail. Just be sure to reply to messages via those accounts, if you desire prefuer that added level of security.

I do hope that these comments help someone. Be well.
 
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