Long Distance And Nervous


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Toshi5 is offline Toshi5 Post #1  August 20,2009, 6:12pm
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I'm relativaly new to eHarmony, but I've had my share of matches and gone through a couple of open communications which I ended up feeling uninterested in after a short duration.

Now I've found someone that I can't help but shake the feeling of being the 'one'. But the kicker is she lives about 3.5 hours away from me. From her Profile Info and the few Open Communications I can honestly say I'm genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with her, yet as anyone would agree the distance can seem daunting.

I mean I haven't even given her my Phone Number yet. :-/ I just don't want to mess up this chance. I get a dark feeling that if I give my number too soon that I would seem desperate and that alone might be enough to shatter the chances right there. My friends (that are girls) often consider me a hopeless romantic type. And I can't really deny that nor shun the idea of it being true, I mean I own The Notebook and Pride and Prejudice movies and have read the whole Twilight Series; and yes thats often made me the guy to poke fun at when hangin with the guys. I'm more emotional the most guys as my family says.

That being said, the first thing that pops into my mind is where could we even go for a public meeting/date? Now thats simple enough to find out on my own. But then I'm also thinking where could we live together if we did end up in a relationship? Thats the one that scares me. I mean I shouldn't even be thinking that right? But I am. And I usually avoid any long distance relationships, yet here I am driven to pursue one.
Also I don't want to take her away from what she knows ( and undoubtably loves) but I don't see it working any other way, since I'm in a job I can almost gaurantee I will be in until I retire (thriving family business).
Is something wrong with me or is this natural when you find someone that could possibly be your soul mate?

So I guess the main questions are:

When is it ok to give your Phone Number? In terms of time
When is it ok to ask for a public meeting/date? In terms of time
Am I frightening myself to soon about stuff that should come up much later in the possible relationship?

Any other advice would be great and yes I know I'm a babbler but thats my nerves for ya.

/end wall of text.
Last edited by Toshi5; August 20,2009 at 6:15pm.
 
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Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #2  August 20,2009, 6:20pm
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Toshi5 wrote :
I'm relativaly new to eHarmony, but I've had my share of matches and gone through a couple of open communications which I ended up feeling uninterested in after a short duration.

Now I've found someone that I can't help but shake the feeling of being the 'one'. But the kicker is she lives about 3.5 hours away from me. From her Profile Info and the few Open Communications I can honestly say I'm genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with her, yet as anyone would agree the distance can seem daunting.

I mean I haven't even given her my Phone Number yet. :-/ I just don't want to mess up this chance. I get a dark feeling that if I give my number too soon that I would seem desperate and that alone might be enough to shatter the chances right there. My friends (that are girls) often consider me a hopeless romantic type. And I can't really deny that nor shun the idea of it being true, I mean I own The Notebook and Pride and Prejudice movies and have read the whole Twilight Series; and yes thats often made me the guy to poke fun at when hangin with the guys. I'm more emotional the most guys as my family says.

That being said, the first thing that pops into my mind is where could we even go for a public meeting/date? Now thats simple enough to find out on my own. But then I'm also thinking where could we live together if we did end up in a relationship? Thats the one that scares me. I mean I shouldn't even be thinking that right? But I am. And I usually avoid any long distance relationships, yet here I am driven to pursue one.
Also I don't want to take her away from what she knows ( and undoubtably loves) but I don't see it working any other way, since I'm in a job I can almost gaurantee I will be in until I retire (thriving family business).
Is something wrong with me or is this natural when you find someone that could possibly be your soul mate?

So I guess the main questions are:

When is it ok to give your Phone Number? In terms of time
When is it ok to ask for a public meeting/date? In terms of time
Am I frightening myself to soon about stuff that should come up much later in the possible relationship?

Any other advice would be great and yes I know I'm a babbler but thats my nerves for ya.

/end wall of text.
The only advice I can and will give you, is what my Mom, who is 89 years of age told me, " tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, don't sweat the small stuff, life has a way of working itself out!"
Do what you feel your gut tells you too! Go for it, what's the worse that can happen, you end not connecting and move on! Life is really an adventure, if you let it happen! Better to have done, than not have done!......
Ladyjuju
 
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Bouffy is offline Bouffy Post #3  August 20,2009, 6:21pm
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Just roll with things. If it doesn't work out then at least you'll learn good emotional lessons.

Talk with her but don't gush emotionally. Just let thing happen. Don't fall in love with her photo.

I personally wouldn't consider meeting an eharmony match without at least a two month email history. That's just me. I mean, anything else is a little short. You know?

Anyhow, good luck with her! Things'll work out just as they should.
 
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Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #4  August 20,2009, 6:24pm
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Bouffy wrote :
Just roll with things. If it doesn't work out then at least you'll learn good emotional lessons.

Talk with her but don't gush emotionally. Just let thing happen. Don't fall in love with her photo.

I personally wouldn't consider meeting an eharmony match without at least a two month email history. That's just me. I mean, anything else is a little short. You know?

Anyhow, good luck with her! Things'll work out just as they should.
2 months, God that is ancient history!!....nonononono! don't wait 2 months, she will not remember who you are!!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  August 20,2009, 6:34pm
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You are getting way ahead of yourself. If she seems fine on the e-mail, go to the phone or an internet telephony application (which may also have video.)
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #6  August 20,2009, 7:29pm
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Oh good grief...You have your panties in a bundle over a profile and a few open communication questions ? STOP. If you keep building this "relationship" up in your head before you even speak to her, (much less meet her) you'll come across as a nutcase when you finally do. Calm down and get to know the person, not the profile.

And don't ever tell anyone you own the Notebook...again I mean.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  August 20,2009, 8:07pm
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Owning a couple of icky romance movies and reading a few novels does not make a man sensitive. It just means he likes icky romance movies and reads the Twilight series, which, by the way, is considered sci-fi/horror and not romance. I probably wouldn't go around admitting the movie thing, though, unless you can take a good ribbing from your friends, because that's exactly what they're going to do. The fact that they do this also doesn't make them insensitive.

Now, how can you possibly know she's the one when you have never even talked with her or even met her? You know so very little about her! The only way you're ever going to know anything more is actually talk with her and meet her.

Before you do that, though, you mentioned that she lives quite a distance from you. Are you willing to travel this distance on a regular basis if the two of you do decide to begin a relationship? Can you afford to repeatedly make this trip? It will be up to her to decide if she can do the same. If you can't, then stop right now, and change your settings on your profile.

As for when to call and when to meet? You have to do that when it feels right. There is no clear cut time table. If you want to talk with her on the phone, then ask her for her number. If you want to meet her after that, then set something up. But you really need to get this "the one" idea out of your head until you really get to know her. Don't put the cart before the horse!
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #8  August 20,2009, 8:17pm
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I have been doing the long distance thing for over a year.(3 hour drive) Give her your phone number, if she calls, set up a meeting half way. 3 hours is doable, talk to her if you click??? If the two of you both refuse to move I can't see how it would work in the long run.

At some point you are both going to want to come home each night to someone. It can be very hard.
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #9  August 20,2009, 8:17pm
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I have been doing the long distance thing for over a year.(3 hour drive) Give her your phone number, if she calls, set up a meeting half way. 3 hours is doable, talk to her if you click??? If the two of you both refuse to move I can't see how it would work in the long run.

At some point you are both going to want to come home each night to someone. It can be very hard.
 
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vapsman88 is offline vapsman88 Post #10  August 20,2009, 8:18pm
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brneyedangel wrote :
. Don't put the cart before the horse!
 
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