Long Distance And Nervous


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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #11  August 20,2009, 8:24pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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vapsman88 wrote :
Your pics always make me laugh!
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #12  August 20,2009, 9:22pm
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said what she meant; meant what she said.

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You've idealized this fantasy waaay too much. You'll either frighten her away or you'll crash when reality hits when she falls off your pedestal. You have no assurance that she won't just poof, or decide your profile doesn't make her excited, or won't want an LDR.

Just keep on e-mailing, or make the phone call to see how much you really have in common. Take a breath and slow down.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #13  August 21,2009, 12:36am
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is thinking about someone special

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Don't make the omelette before you've bought the eggs. You're still in the first stages of communication so there is no need to be agonizing over where things can go because of the distance. You could turn each other off with your next comments and distance will be moot.

If the distance is such a big unsolvable dealbreaker of a problem then the only option is to forget about the woman and look for someone closer. Sure you may feel you're giving up on something that could be special, you could be, but if you're never going to be able to make it work anyway because she's too far away then you're just hitting yourself over the head for the sake of the bumps.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #14  August 21,2009, 6:48am
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When is it ok to give your Phone Number? In terms of time
you ask for hers

When is it ok to ask for a public meeting/date? In terms of time
as soon as possible

Am I frightening myself to soon about stuff that should come up much later in the possible relationship?
Yes
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #15  August 21,2009, 8:01am
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says this is the best wedding picture!

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Toshi5 wrote :
I'm relativaly new to eHarmony, but I've had my share of matches and gone through a couple of open communications which I ended up feeling uninterested in after a short duration.

Now I've found someone that I can't help but shake the feeling of being the 'one'. But the kicker is she lives about 3.5 hours away from me. From her Profile Info and the few Open Communications I can honestly say I'm genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with her, yet as anyone would agree the distance can seem daunting.

I mean I haven't even given her my Phone Number yet. :-/ I just don't want to mess up this chance. I get a dark feeling that if I give my number too soon that I would seem desperate and that alone might be enough to shatter the chances right there. My friends (that are girls) often consider me a hopeless romantic type. And I can't really deny that nor shun the idea of it being true, I mean I own The Notebook and Pride and Prejudice movies and have read the whole Twilight Series; and yes thats often made me the guy to poke fun at when hangin with the guys. I'm more emotional the most guys as my family says.

That being said, the first thing that pops into my mind is where could we even go for a public meeting/date? Now thats simple enough to find out on my own. But then I'm also thinking where could we live together if we did end up in a relationship? Thats the one that scares me. I mean I shouldn't even be thinking that right? But I am. And I usually avoid any long distance relationships, yet here I am driven to pursue one.
Also I don't want to take her away from what she knows ( and undoubtably loves) but I don't see it working any other way, since I'm in a job I can almost gaurantee I will be in until I retire (thriving family business).
Is something wrong with me or is this natural when you find someone that could possibly be your soul mate?

So I guess the main questions are:

When is it ok to give your Phone Number? In terms of time
When is it ok to ask for a public meeting/date? In terms of time
Am I frightening myself to soon about stuff that should come up much later in the possible relationship?

Any other advice would be great and yes I know I'm a babbler but thats my nerves for ya.

/end wall of text.
Whoa, chill out. There's no chemistry UNTIL YOU MEET! Until then, it's just a fantasy relationship.
 
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Chiara is offline Chiara Post #16  September 4,2009, 4:40pm
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May I just add that, I rarely concern myself with what anyone, besides my closest family and friends say-even then, I weigh their words carefully. I am not talking about eH. advice, as such.

I have gone to Canada from LA, California to meet a match, because we both agreed this was so important to see where our relationship might be headed. We only knew each other for a little less than a month but realized we would know for sure when we met one another in person and spent time together (in person). BTW, I got a great deal for the plane ticket online.

Now, I am headed to Ireland, he is paying-as this is what he wants. I am definitely the type of person that needs to be with my match when we both like what we see on "paper" and after doing the whole phone call/online chat thing everyday. True, it would be sooo nice to meet someone who lives even 20 miles from me, but that has yet to occur. I knew what I was getting into when I chose my distance boundaries (which one can change at anytime). This is the age of immediate technology and taking planes to see people, with less than, sometimes, an hour travel time (and up to 8 or 9 in my case ) This is not a problem for me but if it is for someone else, do yourself and any possible matches a favor, change your distance boundaries and/or be up front right at the beginning. Maturity is so very important, especially when looking for your future spouse.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #17  September 4,2009, 5:04pm
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Only advice I can add is to remember that your emotions will get you in trouble with yourself long before anyone else is affected.

Emotions mixed with expectations may be flammable, use extreme caution before you start to mix the 2 together.
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #18  September 4,2009, 9:23pm
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If you're waiting for Ms. right to show up in your backyard, you may have a long wait. If you're really a match, you'll work out where to live. A women moving 3.5 hours from her present isn't exactly giving up all she knows and loves.

So just meet her, if she's 'the one' everything else will fall into place.
 
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