Some Tips and Opinions Please


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firemanrl40 is offline firemanrl40 Post #1  August 19,2009, 10:37pm
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I was wondering if anyone had some advice for me. I know I am still pretty young and have a lot of time to find that perfect someone, but for the last few years, every time I got a chance to be up to bat and hit one out of the park, you know really wow a girl, all I end up doing is striking out and watching the game from the dugout, you know the dreaded “lets be friends”. I am a pretty decent guy, I work in hospitals and clinics fixing medical equipment during the day and I am a paid on call firefighter by night. I have always had a passion for helping people, I am one of those people that will pull over and help someone change a flat tire, or help someone carry their groceries to their car, I just love the feeling you get when you make someone smile (especially kids) or help make there day just a little bit better. I am very family orientated and enjoy hanging out with friends, traveling, making people laugh, just living life to the fullest, because being a firefighter I get that front row seat to prove that you never know when you may go to see the big man up stairs. When it comes to working in a hospital or as a firefighter in the community I am confident, hardworking and outgoing, but when it comes to the dating world, that’s a whole different story. My last few relationships ended with me getting cheated on and because of that I tend to be a little shy with girls and tend to hold back. I have met a few girls on eharmony and during the messaging stage we seem to have a lot in common and it seems like things are going great, but when we go on a first date we can't seem to get a conversation going and when the date is over I usually don't hear back from them. I was raised kind of old fashion, to treat a girl special, to be romantic and show her how much she means to you, (cook her dinner, cuddle, take her out, ect…without smothering her) but I found out not all girls like that kind of thing. I guess I’m confused, I just don’t know what girls really want in a guy, I be myself and girls just want to be friends, I try other things and don’t even get noticed. My buddies come to me for relationship advice and I end up making there relationships better, at bars girls come up to me and ask me to hook me up with my friends, it gets a little frustrating that I can help others with relationships but can’t help myself. So that is why I am here, I guess I just need to put it all out on paper and I probably answered most of my questions just by writing this but I would really like some advice from someone else, maybe some tips. I would really apprecaite it. >>
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  August 19,2009, 10:43pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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firemanrl40 wrote :
I guess I just need to put it all out on paper and I probably answered most of my questions just by writing this
So what answers did you come up with?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #3  August 19,2009, 11:36pm

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you sound exactly like one of my ex-boyfriends (hmm....are you!?)

I still consider him a friend -- and would get back together with him too.

It's kind of hard to explain on paper, just as it was hard for you to explain what you may or may not be doing wrong.

I'm kind of tired but can't sleep. Maybe I will return tomorrow to write more.

I would say the #1 problem is probably the lack of conversation.

The guy I dated, like you, was funny ....but once I was in a car with him on a date or at a restaraunt, it seemed as if his nervousness kept him from having a real conversatoin ...or he just had a lot less going on inside than I thought.

I sometimes drank too much because I felt like I had to be the one to entertain both of us.

Do you ask her questions, are you genuinely interested in her life?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #4  August 19,2009, 11:50pm

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What's up with the Texans? You guys are up late!! Well and Virginians - but they never sleep!

For the op, the first part of your post lists all these things that make you a "nice" guy and then the last part of your post is asking how you should be so you can get the right girl??

I would stop trying to prove you are these things and stop trying to do just the right thing or the right move to get a girl. Just be yourself. Stop trying to do anything and just be.

Good luck!
Last edited by LizziePooh; August 19,2009 at 11:50pm. Reason: I know why I am up - why you??
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #5  August 20,2009, 12:27am

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firemanrl40 wrote :
I was wondering if anyone had some advice for me. I know I am still pretty young and have a lot of time to find that perfect someone, but for the last few years, every time I got a chance to be up to bat and hit one out of the park, you know really wow a girl, all I end up doing is striking out and watching the game from the dugout, you know the dreaded “lets be friends”. I am a pretty decent guy, I work in hospitals and clinics fixing medical equipment during the day and I am a paid on call firefighter by night. I have always had a passion for helping people, I am one of those people that will pull over and help someone change a flat tire, or help someone carry their groceries to their car, I just love the feeling you get when you make someone smile (especially kids) or help make there day just a little bit better. I am very family orientated and enjoy hanging out with friends, traveling, making people laugh, just living life to the fullest, because being a firefighter I get that front row seat to prove that you never know when you may go to see the big man up stairs. When it comes to working in a hospital or as a firefighter in the community I am confident, hardworking and outgoing, but when it comes to the dating world, that’s a whole different story. My last few relationships ended with me getting cheated on and because of that I tend to be a little shy with girls and tend to hold back. I have met a few girls on eharmony and during the messaging stage we seem to have a lot in common and it seems like things are going great, but when we go on a first date we can't seem to get a conversation going and when the date is over I usually don't hear back from them. I was raised kind of old fashion, to treat a girl special, to be romantic and show her how much she means to you, (cook her dinner, cuddle, take her out, ect…without smothering her) but I found out not all girls like that kind of thing. I guess I’m confused, I just don’t know what girls really want in a guy, I be myself and girls just want to be friends, I try other things and don’t even get noticed. My buddies come to me for relationship advice and I end up making there relationships better, at bars girls come up to me and ask me to hook me up with my friends, it gets a little frustrating that I can help others with relationships but can’t help myself. So that is why I am here, I guess I just need to put it all out on paper and I probably answered most of my questions just by writing this but I would really like some advice from someone else, maybe some tips. I would really apprecaite it. >>
Thanks >>
> >


Forget everything here anyone tells you. Go ask some older men 40+ years old. They won't lie to you. Stop worrying about them. Go watch the animals deep in the woods. Watch how nature programs us, which males get the women, etc.

Good luck. Be careful, some women love to use and hurt men like you. I know, I used to be like you.
 
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Bouffy is offline Bouffy Post #6  August 20,2009, 1:46am
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isn't as easy to see through as you think.

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Maybe all the girls you are dating aren't ready for such a good person to be in their lives...

Life doesn't give us anything we can't handle so just keep taking these minor rejections until the right lady finds you. I'm willing to bet it'll happen sooner than later.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 20,2009, 5:00am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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LizziePooh wrote :
What's up with the Texans? You guys are up late!! Well and Virginians - but they never sleep!

For the op, the first part of your post lists all these things that make you a "nice" guy and then the last part of your post is asking how you should be so you can get the right girl??

I would stop trying to prove you are these things and stop trying to do just the right thing or the right move to get a girl. Just be yourself. Stop trying to do anything and just be.

Good luck!
This is the real advice. Stop trying to be what you think they want and just be who you are. You can't keep up an act for long and if who you are is not who the particular girl is looking for then she is not the one for you.

When you are least expecting to meet "the one" she will appear in your life.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #8  August 20,2009, 6:04am
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The lack of confidence and expecting to be hurt by a woman is sinking you. How old are you, and what are you looking for in a woman ? (because you seem to be choosing the wrong type)
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  August 20,2009, 6:04am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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firemanrl40 wrote :
I was raised kind of old fashion, to treat a girl special, to be romantic and show her how much she means to you, (cook her dinner, cuddle, take her out, ect
^^^^ That is your problem. ^^^^

Whether or not you want to believe you are 'smothering' them, you ARE putting women on a pedestal, treating them 'special', and - most importantly - giving them the impression that they have higher value. It's all about self-value, self-esteem, and confidence ...none of which you seem to have - even given all of your positive traits. You need to change your mindset.

...also, you have no picture here or described yourself. Don't ever discount the idea that you might simply be unattractive to women. If you have any women that are friends, you might try asking them for honest opinions on your physical appearance ...the clothes you wear, your hair style, weight, (height you can't do much about, but you want to be aware of it being a shortcoming under 5'10"), etc and so forth. Might be time for a makeover.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #10  August 20,2009, 6:21am
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I'm sure you're not as nice as you decribe ... that would be too sicking. Look, only you can know you. I have no idea why you strike out. But don't worry so much. Just be the best man you can be. It'll work out. And if you're really concerned, go talk to a counsellor. This can only help you develop better insight into yourself. And maybe, just once in a while do something out of charcter, go somewhere you haven't been, do what you feel like doing instead of what you ought to do. Here endesth the lesson
 
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