Northstar53 is offline Northstar53 Post #1  August 19,2009, 5:27am
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Ok, I find going on a first date, feels like I'm on an interview. How do I start a conversation without this horrible feeling? It's been forever since I've been on a first date and the last thing I want to do is rehash past relationship memories. Where should we meet to avoid this dreadful interview feeling?

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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  August 19,2009, 7:22am
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I understand your feelings. In many ways a first date is an interview, your purpose should be to get to know your match and he you. To make it seem less like an interview you want to keep the conversation more conversational and less business like. As questions on interests and hobbies and share stories.

The location for a first date should be someplace public with a lot of people around yet quiet so that you can talk and get to know one another. I prefer a first date to be dinner. Others prefer forcing a short time limit on the first date by making it lunch (during the work week) or coffee.
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #3  August 19,2009, 7:46am
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It depends on what your first date is. If you're sitting face to face at a table, then yes, you will have a more "interview" like feeling. If you're doing more of an activity, like say playing mini-golf or taking a walk along a riverwalk eating ice cream, then you've got something else going on to help take some of the pressure off.

I would just try to find out what kind of stuff my date is interested and let the conversation evolve organically. I never go in with a set of questions to ask. I really feel all will be revealed in time (that's half the fun of meeting someone new after all right?).

For example I found out one date likes to travel, and we spent a lot of time talking about where we've been and where we'd like to go. You can learn a lot about someone from one simple topic if you're paying attention.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  August 19,2009, 7:57am
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Northstar53 wrote :
Ok, I find going on a first date, feels like I'm on an interview. How do I start a conversation without this horrible feeling? It's been forever since I've been on a first date and the last thing I want to do is rehash past relationship memories. Where should we meet to avoid this dreadful interview feeling?

Northstar53
I disagree that a first date should feel like some kind of interview! How/why have dates turned into some kind of serious match-making, formal, life-altering events?
What is YOUR purpose for going on this date Northstar? Is it to interview for your lifelong partner/soul mate? Or is it to simply meet someone new and have fun? Your answer to those questions will guide you on how to start a conversation and relate to this person.
My personal opinion is a date should never be made for any reason other than to have fun and get to know someone. Any other reason (especially the "interview" reasons) will cause both of you to tense up, have "horrible" feelings about the date before it begins, anxiety, pressure, and doom both of you to have a bad time.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #5  August 19,2009, 8:07am
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boccabum wrote :
I disagree that a first date should feel like some kind of interview! How/why have dates turned into some kind of serious match-making, formal, life-altering events?
What is YOUR purpose for going on this date Northstar? Is it to interview for your lifelong partner/soul mate? Or is it to simply meet someone new and have fun? Your answer to those questions will guide you on how to start a conversation and relate to this person.
Why can't it be both? I go out with the intention of having a fun evening with someone new, but the understanding that i am being evaluated and will also be evaluating for something more than just fun.
I don't see them as mutually exclusive.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #6  August 19,2009, 8:11am
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gothustartus wrote :
Why can't it be both? I go out with the intention of having a fun evening with someone new, but the understanding that i am being evaluated and will also be evaluating for something more than just fun.
I don't see them as mutually exclusive.
I agree with that and yes, that's a reality. But I'm speaking of that extreme nervousness that some people (especially ones that meet on EH) feel when meeting a match. I think some people put way too much emphasis on the whole soul mate "the one" thing and build up the first meeting more than it should.
Being evaluated happens, yes. Being interviewed for the next spouse? Well, you can see that kind of pressure can put a damper on the fun.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #7  August 19,2009, 9:01am
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boccabum wrote :
I agree with that and yes, that's a reality. But I'm speaking of that extreme nervousness that some people (especially ones that meet on EH) feel when meeting a match. I think some people put way too much emphasis on the whole soul mate "the one" thing and build up the first meeting more than it should.
Being evaluated happens, yes. Being interviewed for the next spouse? Well, you can see that kind of pressure can put a damper on the fun.
I'm an extremely social person so i rarely get that nervous when meeting someone i've talked to online, excitement yes, and a few butterflies if the online conversations have been deep. But i know not everyone is as laidback as i am and that some maybe invest a few too many expectations and preconceptions in prospective dates. If the online chemistry was intense it's damn easy to get into a mindset of wanting something so much and feeling a bit overwhelmed when you actually meet.
Sure it makes it very difficult for the date to live up to expectations and you may go away dismissing someone who was perfectly nice, but then sometimes your date blows those expecations out of the water and you go away with stars in your eyes.
 
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