Was this the right thing to do?


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Babily is offline Babily Post #1  August 18,2009, 11:36pm
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I went out with this guy, he seemed pretty nice. We watched a movie, and then he suggested to have drinks at my place because it was close to the movie theater. We came to my house, but instead of having a normal conversation (something that I hoped we would have), he turned the lights off and started getting closer to me, hugging me...
I felt a bit uncomfortable and I told him I didn't feel good and I was going to bed. I offered him to stay on the sofa, but then he said he would rather go home. I was pretty excited about that but then he said he didn't have a car, so I ended up driving him home. I got so turned off by all these things, that I don't think I want to call him again. Is that the right thing to do?
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #2  August 18,2009, 11:56pm
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If not seeing him again is what you want to do then yes, it's the right thing to do. I know people are always posting about giving people a chance, but i always qualify that in my head with "If you want to" because why on earth should you do it if you don't?
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #3  August 19,2009, 1:27am
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I'm not sure about the wanting "a normal conversation" bit. But you did make a mistake in not asking him to leave at the light thingy. Gull of the guy. And it is his problerm how he gets home. There are buses!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  August 19,2009, 2:37am
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Dating rule number ...ah, heck, I forgot what number it is ...

Don't invite a guy into your home after a date unless you are wanting to sleep with him ...that's exactly what he's expecting (as you found out). You were expecting "normal conversation"? ...that's incredibly naive on your part. What if he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer?

Secondly, don't invite someone you barely know to spend the night on your couch. I realize things are different in your age group, but wow ...

You are young and attractive, Babily ...and you seriously need to start making smarter decisions and thinking about your safety.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  August 19,2009, 3:50am
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Babily wrote :
I went out with this guy, he seemed pretty nice. We watched a movie, and then he suggested to have drinks at my place because it was close to the movie theater. We came to my house, but instead of having a normal conversation (something that I hoped we would have), he turned the lights off and started getting closer to me, hugging me...
I felt a bit uncomfortable and I told him I didn't feel good and I was going to bed. I offered him to stay on the sofa, but then he said he would rather go home. I was pretty excited about that but then he said he didn't have a car, so I ended up driving him home. I got so turned off by all these things, that I don't think I want to call him again. Is that the right thing to do?
I'm surprised that you would invite a stranger into your home!

No hanging out at anyones house. No inviting someone to stay! I would have told him to leave and getting home is his problem.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #6  August 19,2009, 4:25am
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Hindsight really is 20-20, isn't it? You're a ice person to have driven him home. I credit you that. But communication is key. After the movies and his suggestion for drinks at your home, I can only think that either the answer would have been "No" or the ground rules would have been established right then and there. "We can go for drinks, but nothing more. And if you try something, I'll have to ask you to leave." There's absolutely nothing wrong with being direct. Next time, suggest going for after drinks at your favorite watering hole.

Oh, and if he calls back, do answer his call. Tell him that he made you feel uncomfortable and you prefer the two of you cut contact. That way, there's no more misunderstandings.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 19,2009, 5:12am
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I agree with those who say that you should NEVER invite a stranger to your house. And certainly NEVER, NEVER invite a stranger to sleep on your couch.

I also agree with Fleuellen that you should have asked him to go when he turned out the lights.

And while driving him home was a nice gesture as some of the others have said getting home is his problem. He got to the date somehow so he can get home the same way.

Now here is a suggestion to help you for your next date with the next guy. Read a few of the chapters in Dating for Dummies book deal with the first date and second date.
 
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Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #8  August 19,2009, 5:20am
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Babily, I don't think you have to contact him again if you don't want to.

In any case, I'm not sure how many dates you'd been on previously with him, and maybe I'm naive too, but I wouldn't have expected that by inviting him over I was inviting him into bed! Geez. I think if he got that impression it is his problem. If you really liked him prior, you could bring up with him that you didn't expect what happened and that you felt uncomfortable with it. Otherwise, I'd just move on.
 
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WoolyOrl is offline WoolyOrl Post #9  August 19,2009, 5:30am
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Babily wrote :
I went out with this guy, he seemed pretty nice. We watched a movie, and then he suggested to have drinks at my place because it was close to the movie theater. We came to my house, but instead of having a normal conversation (something that I hoped we would have), he turned the lights off and started getting closer to me, hugging me...
I felt a bit uncomfortable and I told him I didn't feel good and I was going to bed. I offered him to stay on the sofa, but then he said he would rather go home. I was pretty excited about that but then he said he didn't have a car, so I ended up driving him home. I got so turned off by all these things, that I don't think I want to call him again. Is that the right thing to do?
You absolutely did the right thing, and also the wrong thing.

Positive:
You drove him home and didn't sleep with him on the first date.

Negative:
You let him into your house on the first date. It's your CRIB, baby (gotta love the urban slang, it's just such a cool vernacular)! You don't let guys pick you up on the first date... or the second... and usually not even the third. This is a bad world with some very bad people, and that's a personal security rule that all women (and even guys) should follow.

He doesn't want to be with you - he wants to "be" with you, and perceived you as a viable candidate for this.

Lights off, violation of personal space without invitation, hugging...clear signs of a guy who is into the first date bingo than having a relationship with you.

That's a definite no-call-back, as his character is in serious question. Also... if he's doing that with you then he's doing that with other women - is that the person you want to be with?

I'm just sayin'....
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #10  August 19,2009, 5:36am
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I see no (good) reason to contact him. I wouldn't even return his call, should he call me.

He'll figure it out...
 
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