watchguy is offline watchguy Post #1  August 17,2009, 10:10am
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Just wondering...I've been unemployed for almost 4 months although I have a small business I've started that I spend a good amount of time with. In addition, the reason, I am unemployed is due to a circumstance I created. I pushed my ex in an argument and was arrested and charged with battery. As part of my job, I traveled to Canada two to three times a month. Needless to say, they do track and profile folks traveling into and out of the country.

The last time I went to CA, the customs officer asked "have you ever been arrested?" needless to say, I had to answer honestly and after being interrogated by immigrations, they informed me that I should not attempt to enter Canada without clearance from the Canadian consulate. Suffice to say, I will not be able to go there anytime soon so, I was let go because I could not go there.

It is quite embarrassing for me. In the 18 years I was married, I NEVER touched my ex wife. i stood up to her this one time and here I am.

In a nutshell...I am unemployed and have a misdemeanor criminal record. I'm not spring chicken (50 this month) and had a great career making a good living in the telecommunications field. At this point, my business has a lot of potential but will take some time to mature.


Am I persona non grata?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 17,2009, 11:47am
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How does anyone really answer something like this?

No one wants to be a fool and give someone a chance where past behavior could possibly be repeated, yet no one wants to be without compassion.

Its almost impossible to answer based on the information that you have given. No one could possibly have a clue as to what your character is no matter how much you explain.




 
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watchguy is offline watchguy Post #3  August 17,2009, 11:51am
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So, it sounds like I should give up and live in a cave....
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  August 17,2009, 12:01pm
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no people need to get to know you. it takes time. sometimes lots of it. reverse the sitch and tell me you wouldnt be reticent
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  August 17,2009, 12:06pm
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You're not undatable. If YOU are, then there are countless of actual/real jerky people out there in relationships that shouldn't be. You just have to be honest and find that rarest of a woman who will understand the gigantic difference of being accused of violence vs actually being violent.
The job think is temporary. Treat it as such. But I'd hold off dating until you get this part of your life together. How much fun can you be when the back of your mind is worrying about money and finances? Your age isn't a problem either. You have a lot of time left so work on your business first and then worry about fun with the opposite sex.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #6  August 17,2009, 12:07pm
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Is it just me, or has Canadian customs got serious in the last 12 months? I've been to Canada several times in the last 4 years. My last trip, two weeks ago, I got seriously grilled by the Canadian Customs guy to the point I was considering filing a complaint on his unprofessionalism.

The times before that, the custom coming BACK into the US was a lot more tougher than going over. I went over to the border and most times, the canadian customs guy had his feet propped up and asked me pretty much where I was heading, how long was I staying, who am I visiting, the same generic questions.

This last time, they wanted specific addresses of my family (which i couldn't answer) and actual towns where my family stayed (Toronto wasn't sufficient enough for some reason) and POSTAL CODES. He got almost hostile with me before letting me go.
 
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watchguy is offline watchguy Post #7  August 17,2009, 12:44pm
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Thanks for the replies. My financial situation is pretty good. That is one thing I am not worried about. In fact, emotionally, I'm feeling better than I've felt in years.

Fact is, I know I made a mistake and I am paying for it every day I am unemployed. In the meantime, my business keeps me going.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #8  August 17,2009, 12:59pm
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watchguy wrote :
Thanks for the replies. My financial situation is pretty good. That is one thing I am not worried about. In fact, emotionally, I'm feeling better than I've felt in years.

Fact is, I know I made a mistake and I am paying for it every day I am unemployed. In the meantime, my business keeps me going.
Well then if you have a thriving business and have no real financial worries, you're really not unemployed, right? So don't even address this. I wouldn't even address the past "event" unless you're asked about it. Bringing it up prematurally can lead to more misinterpretations than it can actually help. Give women the gift of learning about your character first hand rather than forcing them to judge you against preconceived notions.
 
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butterflywhisperer is offline butterflywhisperer Post #9  August 17,2009, 1:26pm
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"I wouldn't even address the 'event' unless asked"

Huh? So are you suggesting that each new date has to specifically asked if he has ever pushed a woman in order to get the OP to fess up? I think that borders on deceit.

This is not to say that I do not have compassion for the OP because I do. Haven't been to Canada in years but at least in this country there is a huge difference between being 'arrested' and 'convicted' and just being arrested shouldn't count against someone because people are often arrested and then let go. Conviction is another matter and at least in California you sometimes have the option of Nolo Contendre or "no contest" which is lesser than an actual conviction for battery and battery, if you want to be technical, can be as simple as touching someone. "Assault" is different but simple battery is considered a lesser offense.

I'm all over the board here but I think the thing that may concern future relationships is your propensity to repeat this, if sufficiently provoked. That is something you need to really examine and perhaps sign up for anger management courses, if not already ordered by the court in exchange for a lesser charge. Take such courses seriously and understand that there is never, ever a reason to hit/shove a woman. Even if she asks for it, has provoked and provoked you more, keep thinking 'it isn't worth it' and walk away. I really wish you the best in your future endeavors.
 
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watchguy is offline watchguy Post #10  August 17,2009, 1:44pm
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The laws related to violence have tightened up so much in the last 20 years. I know of more than one case where a man was attacked by his S.O. he didn't respond by anything more than a defensive move and wound up charged with domestic violence. I don't believe I am an "angry" guy. Hell, I've had people spit in my face and I've walked away.

I can also count the amount of times I've been in any physical confrontation on one hand.

It really boils down to one thing. My ex knows how to bait the hook and I took the bait.
 
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