When to tell her I recently become unemployed.


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sndream is offline sndream Post #1  August 17,2009, 8:45am
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I just got let go from where I work about a month ago, when should I mention it to someone who's in the communication stage about it?

Obviously I don't want to put unemployed as my occupation, but when's a good time to let her know? During first date, before or after?

I don't want her to think I am in a financial mess or anything, in fact I saved quite a lot in the last few years. And with EI, I am pretty sure I have enough to last at least for 2-3 years without needing to worry about money.

For ladies out there, do you think this is a important issues giving that with the current recession, being unemployed is not really something rare?

Thanks.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 17,2009, 9:45am
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the most important thing is that you are managing your life well and making good use of your time.

if you are intelligent, responsible, and not on a downer you should have no problems whatsoever dating imo.


 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #3  August 17,2009, 9:49am
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I would probably wait until a first meeting or at least during a phone call to explain something like that. Not to sound cold or anything, but seeing that a man was unemployed would make me turn around and run the other way unless I had got to know him as a person first.
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #4  August 17,2009, 9:58am

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You might as well tell your match right away. That way, they won't come here posting a thread complaining about it.

Also, IF she decides to keep you anyway, you know you have an instant keeper!
 
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cwhite1028 is offline cwhite1028 Post #5  August 17,2009, 9:58am
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Ms666 wrote :
I would probably wait until a first meeting or at least during a phone call to explain something like that. Not to sound cold or anything, but seeing that a man was unemployed would make me turn around and run the other way unless I had got to know him as a person first.
I agree this is not something to tell until I got to know the person first. Times are tough right now, I wish you luck with your employment search.
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #6  August 17,2009, 10:02am
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Seeing as you are financially independent for the time being, I don't think this will be an issue for potential dates. Just tell them you're Bruce Wayne and you only use a job as a front for your double life.

j/k Seriously if your looking for a job let them know, and I would probably be vague about your finances initially, but you can just hint at the fact that you're not sweating your jobless status at the moment. (ie I might not be able to take any extravagant vacations, but at least I won't be living on beans and franks)
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #7  August 17,2009, 10:11am
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You have enough saved to live on for 2-3 years? Just say that you're taking a little sabbatical/break...lol. You can talk about it when she asks you what you do (which she eventually will). From what you've said, it would appear that you're in better financial shape than most people who have a job.

I don't personally care if someone is employed or unemployed as long as they are in good financial shape, living within their means, and responsible in handling their money...

(What does "EI" stand for?)
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #8  August 17,2009, 10:33am
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It depends on how important she rates your employment status, if it's one of her dealbreakers, unless you have immediate prospects regardless of savings then it's better to get it over and done with.
If she's flexible then i'd wait a date or two, if it's not a big stress for you then it shouldn't be for her either.
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #9  August 17,2009, 10:57am
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sndream wrote :
Obviously I don't want to put unemployed as my occupation, but when's a good time to let her know? During first date, before or after?
I've been in the situation as your potential date and I've gotta say that the bait and switch of seeing one thing on the profile under occupation and learning that it was not the case was an awkward shocker. (FYI-I continued to date the man in question for several months and we parted ways for a matter entirely removed from his employment status.) 20/20 hindsight after we went our separate ways revealed that this quality permeated through many of his dealings with me. Now I don't continue with someone whose reality differs from the profile, as it has proven to be a harbinger of what's to come in my case.

The responses above mainly fall into the reveal your status later on camp, but know that there are people out there who feel deceived if the person who appears before them is different from what was presented on the profile. I know I would have preferred hearing about the man in my case's altered status in early OC rather than on the second date, especially as his job duties were a topic of discussion on the first date.

P.S. Congratulations on your excellent preparation by saving for a rainy day! I'm working on my emergency fund as we speak, but am no where near as prepared as you. I've got two months tops
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #10  August 17,2009, 11:07am
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sndream wrote :
I just got let go from where I work about a month ago, when should I mention it to someone who's in the communication stage about it?

Obviously I don't want to put unemployed as my occupation, but when's a good time to let her know? During first date, before or after?

I don't want her to think I am in a financial mess or anything, in fact I saved quite a lot in the last few years. And with EI, I am pretty sure I have enough to last at least for 2-3 years without needing to worry about money.

For ladies out there, do you think this is a important issues giving that with the current recession, being unemployed is not really something rare?

Thanks.
I would include that information as soon as possible. In this time of frequent layoffs I found that people tend to be more understanding. If they are not, just accept it and move on.
I was unemployed from Feb 2009 to just about 6 weeks ago and had to tell the prospective dates this and have run into a few gentlemen in the same situation as you. Most were understanding and one guy I joked with saying we would have to do inexpensive dates to start with.
When I mentioned it, I also made sure to tell them it was due to a layoff (rather than being fired) and also included the information that I had never been unemployed for loger than than 6 weeks before this and had never been laid off before. Most were appreciate of my honesty.
Now, it might be a little difficult for a guy unfortunately because some women might be more leery of dating someone unemployed (double standard, I know), but maybe you can ask if you can contact them again after you have found a job.
Also, unless you have a great severance package, be sure to mention that you might have to keep the dates inexpensive for a bit.
Good luck to you!
 
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