Need advice on small talk (the art of flirting)


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MarkInAustin is offline MarkInAustin Post #1  August 16,2009, 8:43pm
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I need some advice on small talk (or the art of flirting). As I've said on previous threads, I'm in this social club that has organized events where I get to see some of the same people on multiple occasions while doing something together that we enjoy. There is a woman in the club that I've been trying to get to know better.

Today, we were on a hike and we stopped for a break at a scenic overlook. I went up to her and said hi. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi ----, how have you been?
Her: Fine.
Me: What's new with you?
Her: Nothing much.

In one of our previous conversations, she said that she was working on fixing up her house.

Me: How is the work on your house coming along?
Her: I'm not doing much on it.
Me: silence as we look out at the horizon.
Her: silence as we look out at the horizon.
Me: *(thinking to myself)* my mind is complete blank. What do I say now???

Eventually somebody else walked up and said hi to her. They exchanged about as much as we did, and then she walked away.

I don't know if I don't know how to flirt with somebody, or if I don't know how to flirt with a wall (somebody that won't respond). Do any of you have any advice?

My gut says that she just isn't that into me and that I should move on. The problem is that I don't meet many women that I really want to go out with, so I don't want to give up so easily. Also, this might be a good chance to practice some of these dating skills that I'm having so much trouble with.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #2  August 16,2009, 8:56pm
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Despite being in a social club, she sounds socially inept.

I think you're right to move on. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she's digging you...just the old guy.
 
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Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #3  August 16,2009, 8:59pm
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Uhh... yeah, she is certainly not helping or contributing to the conversation so that does make it a lot harder... well some people don't find it hard talking to themselves... or to a wall... but anyway... as far as this one is concerned, I would say she is somewhat giving you the brush off signal -- or she is really really bad at asking questions in response to yours. I know it's kinda bad form, but if you can't get a lot out of her by asking questions about her life, maybe talk about yours and what you've been doing lately. If you happen upon something that she's interested in, hopefully she'll say something in response or show some form of excitement so you will no longer be talking to yourself and will know 1) she is not mute and 2) she is not a zombie.

Or you could go for humor and say something totally off the wall and she how she responds -- a la "last weekend, I had a run in with a cougar just escaped from the zoo"... followed by a long pause and a "just kidding". maybe she'll at least laugh and then you can make a joke about that...

good luck!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  August 16,2009, 9:09pm
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MarkInAustin wrote :
I need some advice on small talk (or the art of flirting). As I've said on previous threads, I'm in this social club that has organized events where I get to see some of the same people on multiple occasions while doing something together that we enjoy. There is a woman in the club that I've been trying to get to know better.

Today, we were on a hike and we stopped for a break at a scenic overlook. I went up to her and said hi. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi ----, how have you been?
Her: Fine.
Me: What's new with you?
Her: Nothing much.

In one of our previous conversations, she said that she was working on fixing up her house.

Me: How is the work on your house coming along?
Her: I'm not doing much on it.
Me: silence as we look out at the horizon.
Her: silence as we look out at the horizon.
Me: *(thinking to myself)* my mind is complete blank. What do I say now???

Eventually somebody else walked up and said hi to her. They exchanged about as much as we did, and then she walked away.

I don't know if I don't know how to flirt with somebody, or if I don't know how to flirt with a wall (somebody that won't respond). Do any of you have any advice?
How's this for a general suggestion: interact with her like she's your bratty younger sister. I'm serious.

Now maybe you can offer me some advice. I'm trying to get Mangosteen to come visit me for a week but she's just not interested. What should I do? lol
 
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Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #5  August 16,2009, 9:14pm
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jayjay wrote :
How's this for a general
Now maybe you can offer me some advice. I'm trying to get Mangosteen to come visit me for a week but she's just not interested. What should I do? lol
Work on getting the house first?
lol
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  August 16,2009, 9:20pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Mangosteen wrote :
Work on getting the house first?
lol
Now I get it. It's all becoming clear....you're a gold digger. My mother warned me about women like you!

P.S. You were so excited you cut off half of my post in your response.
Last edited by jayjay; August 16,2009 at 9:23pm.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #7  August 16,2009, 9:43pm
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well, she's a wall. but some folk don't do questions that well. i know all the books say ask open-ended questions, but that's no good with the type that doesn't do questions. my suggestion is a conversation bag of rambles. this only works for so long, and if they never give a return ramble of their own, you will have to move on. but it makes a connection and connections are important.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #8  August 16,2009, 10:39pm

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she is in a singles group. She took that leap.......I find it hard to go to any kind of singles group or meetup. I am a social person though....and can find those things kind of forced.

my guess is that she also has problems with making small talk, otherwise she probably would not have gone in the first place.

I agree....find your humor, make a joke. You seem like a nice guy that probably does not want to offend. But a girl like that probably does not know how to respond to normal gestures (not a bad sign she may be painfully shy but brave enough to go out with strangers).

she is looking to you to lead the conversation. My advice is to be bold and a little bit off the wall with humor to break the ice.

Just remember, she is probably as much or more nervous than you are!
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #9  August 16,2009, 11:12pm
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jayjay has the right idea: treat her like your bratty young sister and find a way to poke a little fun at her.
The way you described your other conversations were NOT flirting. You said nothing out of the ordinary to make her think you were interested. You just had boring small talk. Next time, find something to say that puts a thought in her mind that you are different than the other 100 guys that hit on her every week.
For example, if on your hike she sweats, say "you sweat a lot, I hope you used deodorant" smile and walk away. If she playfully punches your arm, you know you did it right. Get it?
Last edited by boccabum; August 16,2009 at 11:13pm. Reason: spelling
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  August 17,2009, 5:53am
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MarkInAustin wrote :
I need some advice on small talk (or the art of flirting). As I've said on previous threads, I'm in this social club that has organized events where I get to see some of the same people on multiple occasions while doing something together that we enjoy. There is a woman in the club that I've been trying to get to know better.

Today, we were on a hike and we stopped for a break at a scenic overlook. I went up to her and said hi. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi ----, how have you been?
Her: Fine.
Me: What's new with you?
Her: Nothing much.

In one of our previous conversations, she said that she was working on fixing up her house.

Me: How is the work on your house coming along?
Her: I'm not doing much on it.
Me: silence as we look out at the horizon.
Her: silence as we look out at the horizon.
Me: *(thinking to myself)* my mind is complete blank. What do I say now???

Eventually somebody else walked up and said hi to her. They exchanged about as much as we did, and then she walked away.

I don't know if I don't know how to flirt with somebody, or if I don't know how to flirt with a wall (somebody that won't respond). Do any of you have any advice?

My gut says that she just isn't that into me and that I should move on. The problem is that I don't meet many women that I really want to go out with, so I don't want to give up so easily. Also, this might be a good chance to practice some of these dating skills that I'm having so much trouble with.
A suggestion, adopt the attitude to go out with almost anyone at least once. You may have fun. You may learn something about yourself. You may learn something about the other person.
 
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