Mature Student: could this be a deal breaker?


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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #1  August 16,2009, 7:40pm
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Hello everyone!

I have been using eHarmony for a while and for the most part I have been happy with the experience. I am curious however, if becoming a mature student could possibly be a deal breaker for a potential match? I am a woman in my early thirties, I have a graduate degree, and I enjoy my job. I was chatting with a man in open communication for a bit and when we finally met we seemed to be hitting it off. We shared a few interests and things seemed to be going smoothly. Half way through the date he suggested we get together again. The conversation seemed to change when he asked me about different aspects about my job. He was curious about my daily routine and if I had any future career plans. I told him that I plan to extend my degree and pursue a doctorate. He then responded with “well then, how old will you be when you’re finished?!” He is currently completing his graduate degree so I didn’t expect this type of reaction. To be honest, it hurt my feelings a bit. I explained to him that the graduate position is a paid position (a modest salary) and I would treat it like a job. I did emphasise that I would be working more hours than usual but would still pursue my other interests (I do have hobbies, and would like to have kids). I wish I hadn’t indicated that it would be a lot of work. I was merely relating to his situation since he is presently working hard to complete his graduate degree. I’m not sure if that was a part of his concern or not. I would like to ask him myself but he sent me a nice message a week after the date indicating that he had a nice time but would be pursuing another match. I am concerned because I have sensed some distance from two other men when I told them about my desire to pursue this degree.

What could be the potential turn-off or fear here? Has anyone else had a similar experience? How could I be honest about my goal without turning someone off?
If you are the man I went out with I would love to have your perspective on this issue
Thank you!
 
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