Guys- tell me please: how do I make it right?


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marblehawk is offline marblehawk Post #1  August 16,2009, 6:10pm
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I met a guy who went home after our first date and wrote me a poem. We had instant chemistry and the more we found out about each other the more we seemed to have in common. He was generous with his affection and words of appreciation. He emailed often. He had told me he had a huge work related project coming up. When it finally “happened” the email informing me was uncharacteristically impersonal. It's been 5 days: no phone call or email. Project or no its like a 180 turn away. I've read enough articles to know not to contact him. I thought I was moving at his pace. He even said please, come on strong. Now, unless he got cold feet or I still managed to inadvertently spook him, he's testing me. If, optimistically. he does come back, I don’t want to sound off with recriminations. I'm hoping some insight will help me respond in a healthy way. If I get the chance, is it at all appropriate to ask him for help in understanding what happened? Ladies, nothing personal but I am interested in the guys’ point of view.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 16,2009, 6:43pm
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*biting tongue*

promise that if you take the guys advice you come back and tell us what you did and what happened
 
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peacepositive is offline peacepositive Post #3  August 16,2009, 7:04pm
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I can't wait to read their advice!
 
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Shads is offline Shads Post #4  August 16,2009, 7:16pm
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marblehawk wrote :
I met a guy who went home after our first date and wrote me a poem. We had instant chemistry and the more we found out about each other the more we seemed to have in common. He was generous with his affection and words of appreciation. He emailed often. He had told me he had a huge work related project coming up. When it finally “happened” the email informing me was uncharacteristically impersonal. It's been 5 days: no phone call or email. Project or no its like a 180 turn away. I've read enough articles to know not to contact him. I thought I was moving at his pace. He even said please, come on strong. Now, unless he got cold feet or I still managed to inadvertently spook him, he's testing me. If, optimistically. he does come back, I don’t want to sound off with recriminations. I'm hoping some insight will help me respond in a healthy way. If I get the chance, is it at all appropriate to ask him for help in understanding what happened? Ladies, nothing personal but I am interested in the guys’ point of view.

Oh now now. No need to jump off the cliff on this one. You're still in the game. My opinion is that he is a professional and as you mentioned a project came up. I do the same thing. I am impersonal when I am busy and stressed. He is probably the same way. You may be wondering, "Why dosen't he talk to me on a more personal level?". Well, us guys are independent and tend to keep eveything inside (as most of you already know).

Just sit tight and DO NOT PUSH HIM. If you do he may just write you off for less drama.

My .02
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #5  August 16,2009, 7:18pm
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the thing with EH, well the thing with EH is that almost anyone can log-on ... and that includes, dopes, wierd, men pretending to be women (visa-versa) loners, serial-killers (well ofuly not) and folk who live in other states, if not other planets. And you want "me" to explain this compete starngers behaviour, and wom you know almost nothing about?

Okay, then. There is something about you he's not that keen about.

And if you really want to find "romance" read some the advice on EH, don't so relienton cyber matcing, get out and lve and romance is more likely to find you. Does take a littl effort though.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #6  August 16,2009, 7:19pm
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You don't say how long you were with this guy, but people often do lose interest in someone they're dating. How well did you really know him?

If you really think he's testing you, that's bad - it's a game. People shouldn't play games with each other. As Danny Glover said in "Lethal Weapon", "I'm too old for this s---".

I know it must be hard on you emotionally, but why would you WANT him back? And if you asked him why this separation happened, he could come up with anything at all.

Another thing I don't understand is why you would only want a man's point of view. This kind of thing happens to both men and women.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #7  August 16,2009, 7:20pm

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You didn't do anything wrong did you? So there is nothing to apologize for or make up for. Now tell us why, you are blaming yourself for no reason at all? Maybe he is involved with his project with a team and they are just getting it up and running.
Which is really no concern of yours!

Give him a 2nd week to get settled and see what happens. You could send him a nice bottle of wine, and ask, if he needs a friend to share it with? Sign your name and wait and see what kind of response that you get from him. If he does not drink send a nice cake or chocolates. Why assume that you did something wrong?

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; August 16,2009 at 7:42pm.
 
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jmikey is offline jmikey Post #8  August 16,2009, 7:45pm
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i got a couple of questions? Did u sleep with him? Cause if u did and hes none responsive after that then hes not worth another thought. I assume u didnt sleep with him though and was wondering why him writing you a poem after ur first date doesnt set off some alarm. if he was into u he woulda stayed into u ,he prob met someone else......
 
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JerryC is offline JerryC Post #9  August 16,2009, 7:46pm
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Marblehawk.
Why are you convinced you did something wrong? Don't go heaping the blame on your head. Maybe he did get cold feet. Maybe he spooked himself. Maybe he does have work project that's going to keep him occupied 24/7. Maybe he's with the CIA. Maybe he re- read the poem he wrote.
Why do you think he's testing you? What would that accomplish? You think he's got a little grade book. She called me. She flunks. She didn't call me. She flunks.
If I were in your position, but then I can be brutally honest, and I were contacted. I'd ask, because the answer may determine where the relationship goes. The risk is you may not like the answer.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  August 16,2009, 8:07pm
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I would have no idea why you think you did something wrong.

Unless you did do something that upset him, which you indicate that you are not aware of doing something to cause the problem. So I am going to assume that the problem is him and not you.

Now I suspect that you are rather young, at least compared to me, and my take on this may be wrong and age related. But I think this guy is a jerk. If I am interested in a girl that I am building a relationship with then I will make time for her. I will find time to talk to her and / or see her. Besides if I had a SO and a new project I would be excited about the project and want to share that excitement with my SO. Now if he is "testing" you then he is playing games and that would move up the jerk factor.

If he is in fact ignoring you for what ever reason then you should just start pursuing your other matches. If you connect with another match before he gets done with his project then that will be his loss. He has already shown what his priorities are.

That is just my $.02. But I learned a long time (and many layoffs) ago that the only people that are going to always be with me are my family. No comapny / job is going to stand by me if the bottom line is hurting.
 
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