She's not sure? I am in new territory here!


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WoolyOrl is offline WoolyOrl Post #1  August 16,2009, 11:41am
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Okay, I'm befuddled - so any advice (especially from ladies) would be great. As bizarre and immodest as this may sound I have NEVER been in this situation before!

Met a woman from the other major "matching" service (yes, I'm a paying member on here, so don't worry eHarmony - I'm not freeloading!!!) and we are about as compatible as it gets - well educated, tall, we both have 4-year old kids, similar custody (3 weeks with kid, 1 week with no kid), athletic... blah blah. I'm 42 (and look 32 - don't smoke, hardly drink, stay out of the sun, exercise, etc.), she's 35. On paper we're perfect. We've been on ~6 dates, over almost a month, and we talk on the phone nearly every day plus text and email multiple times a day. Nothing going on past kissing, but I figure that's okay - I like this woman a lot so I'll take it slow.

We both have next week with no kids so I figure "great, let's step it up a notch". Because we both have careers we have to plan our lives just a bit so I ask her if she wants to play tennis on Tuesday after work, golf on Wednesday after work, and go out on Friday. Maybe the beach on Saturday. Nothing heavy, just having "fun dates" 2 days, a romantic night out, and then some fun at the beach. I asked her this 5 days ago via email.

So, that evening - no answer on the phone. I send her a text - no reply. Next day, morning e-mail - no reply. I log onto the site for the first time in 2 weeks (hey, this is the first woman I've really enjoyed being with in at least 6 months - I've been out with 30+ women in the past 6 months, she's the first one I've gone out with more than twice) to find out that she's been logging on 2x a day or so.

We're now at day 3, and I figure I'll call her. I reach her and ask her if she's spooked. She says that she's a bit confused, and isn't sure. She says that we should play tennis on Tuesday and see how things go from there.

So, my question is this - isn't it reasonable to kind of know if you want to be exclusive with someone after a month of dating and talking on the phone every day? We seem to click great, however it seems to me that she wants the benefits of a relationship but doesn't want to have the perceived "responsibility" of much besides casually dating. I'm not wired that way, and I am concerned that I'm just wasting my time and setting myself up for an emotional let-down.

So... any thoughts here?
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #2  August 16,2009, 11:44am
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She's just not that into you.
 
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grneydldy is offline grneydldy Post #3  August 16,2009, 11:55am
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Is it possible that she feels uncomfortable with you wanting all of her time? Given that this is the only week she wouldn't have her child, perhaps she was taken aback by your request for all of her free time.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  August 16,2009, 11:58am
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Really, she's just not that into you.

Sorry, man, but it's time to start looking for other people. Keep her as a option, but reevaluate with her where you stand.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #5  August 16,2009, 11:59am
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I will agree with others, it is possible you came off far too strong considering you have only been dating over the last month. And what was your purpose of logging back in the dating site? To find more matches or find out what she had been up to?

Give it time, either move on or try asking her out again.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  August 16,2009, 12:17pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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You overwhelmed her. You've had six dates in one month, and now you want four dates in one week. I'd be overwhelmed, too. Contrary to what some people have posted, I don't think it's a matter of her not being into you, because if she wasn't she wouldn't go play tennis with you, nor would she do anything else with you--including talking on the phone with you. There is a difference between stepping it up a notch and going from taking it slow to full speed ahead seemingly over night.

Also, I don't think six dates is enough time to determine if you want to be exclusive with someone if there are children involved. And since you aren't exclusive, there really is nothing wrong with her logging on to the other dating site.

Go play tennis with her and see how it goes. If it goes well, then ask her if she'd like to get together again later on in the week since you've both got some extra free time without the kids. But don't try to monopolize her free time, either. She probably has other aspects of her life to tend to, as well.

Best wishes to you!
 
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BLESS77 is offline BLESS77 Post #7  August 16,2009, 12:43pm
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I agree. She was overwhelmed. (Truthfully, I was a bit overwhelmed just reading the marathon of dates you posted). I'd bet that she IS in fact into you which is why she cared enough to finally respond back and agree to the tennis date. If I were in your shoes I would tell her that you were excited about spending time with her and just forgot for a brief woman that ya'll aren't superheroes. Make a joke out of it, move on to the tennis date and let HER bring up any future dates for that week. Let the ball be in her court.

You'll do fine and good luck! YAY!!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  August 16,2009, 1:02pm
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wrote :
I log onto the site for the first time in 2 weeks (hey, this is the first woman I've really enjoyed being with in at least 6 months - I've been out with 30+ women in the past 6 months, she's the first one I've gone out with more than twice) to find out that she's been logging on 2x a day or so.
I think you are more crazy about her than she is of you.

Now, you aren't exclusive, and there is the possibility that she is still seeing other people. If you really like her, I would pin her down for Saturday only in addition to your Tuesday tennis date. If she cant make it on Saturday she may be dating someone else.

As usual, its very hard to say.
 
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tazzybabygirl is offline tazzybabygirl Post #9  August 16,2009, 1:21pm
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If she's actively using the dating site still, her heart isn't really into it working between you two. She still thinks she can do better.
 
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Honestgetsdishonest is offline Honestgetsdishonest Post #10  August 16,2009, 2:25pm
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WoolyOrl wrote :
Okay, I'm befuddled - so any advice (especially from ladies) would be great. As bizarre and immodest as this may sound I have NEVER been in this situation before!

Met a woman from the other major "matching" service (yes, I'm a paying member on here, so don't worry eHarmony - I'm not freeloading!!!) and we are about as compatible as it gets - well educated, tall, we both have 4-year old kids, similar custody (3 weeks with kid, 1 week with no kid), athletic... blah blah. I'm 42 (and look 32 - don't smoke, hardly drink, stay out of the sun, exercise, etc.), she's 35. On paper we're perfect. We've been on ~6 dates, over almost a month, and we talk on the phone nearly every day plus text and email multiple times a day. Nothing going on past kissing, but I figure that's okay - I like this woman a lot so I'll take it slow.

We both have next week with no kids so I figure "great, let's step it up a notch". Because we both have careers we have to plan our lives just a bit so I ask her if she wants to play tennis on Tuesday after work, golf on Wednesday after work, and go out on Friday. Maybe the beach on Saturday. Nothing heavy, just having "fun dates" 2 days, a romantic night out, and then some fun at the beach. I asked her this 5 days ago via email.

So, that evening - no answer on the phone. I send her a text - no reply. Next day, morning e-mail - no reply. I log onto the site for the first time in 2 weeks (hey, this is the first woman I've really enjoyed being with in at least 6 months - I've been out with 30+ women in the past 6 months, she's the first one I've gone out with more than twice) to find out that she's been logging on 2x a day or so.

We're now at day 3, and I figure I'll call her. I reach her and ask her if she's spooked. She says that she's a bit confused, and isn't sure. She says that we should play tennis on Tuesday and see how things go from there.

So, my question is this - isn't it reasonable to kind of know if you want to be exclusive with someone after a month of dating and talking on the phone every day? We seem to click great, however it seems to me that she wants the benefits of a relationship but doesn't want to have the perceived "responsibility" of much besides casually dating. I'm not wired that way, and I am concerned that I'm just wasting my time and setting myself up for an emotional let-down.

So... any thoughts here?
Easy..SHE IS NOT THAT INTO YOU!

If she is still logging on the dating site, and you were only into her?

You e-mail her and text her and she did not respond right away?

That happens all the time. You are on the back burner. You obviously have everything she is looking for, but she is not ready to stop looking.

RUN, run away. Do not e-mail her, do not text her, do NOT call her.

If she wants you, she must do a little fighting to get you back now.

If you never hear from her again. like I said...SHE IS NOT THAT INTO YOU!
 
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